Introduction.
It was hot. Ridiculously hot.
Usually, heat didn’t bother Big Mac. His shoulders would chafe under his yoke, due to the sweat sticking it to his fur, but the actual heat had never bothered Big Mac like it did today. Today was one of the highest temperatures to ever occur in his lifetime, according to Rainbow Dash. Rather, Rainbow Dash translated that, somehow, from almost ten minutes of science-type blabber from Twilight Sparkle.
He groaned, shaking his head, and watched several drops of sweat drip from the tip of his nose. ‘s jis too buckin’ hot today. The stallion thought to himself, before resuming the ploughing. After a few moments of sweaty effort, he stopped, absorbed in thought.
Ditzy Doo sighed quietly, running a hoof along the swirly patterns of the cloud below her. She was lying on a cloud a hundred or so metres above Sweet Apple Acres, watching her coltfriend…
Coltfriend! Eeee, I have a coltfriend! It’s so exciting!..
...Big Mac pulling the plough. They’d been dating for a few months, and Ditzy was the envy of every mare in town.
Aaah. It’s so nice, they want to be me, but they can’t because I’m me, and me is dating Big Macintosh!
She’d been watching Big Mac from this cloud whenever she finished her mail routes early enough that Dinky was still in school. Dinky... mmm, I can’t wait for when she gets out of school. Then I get to spend time with her, and we can eat some muffins with milk, and things will be good.
Oooh, oooooh, Big Mac is moving! She thought excitedly, before taking off and fluttering along to the next cloud, and the next, keeping an eye on Big Mac while her other trailed off, despite her best attempts to focus, all the way to Ponyville proper.
Big Mac shrugged off his yoke, and shook his head, showering the nearby soil with sweat.
Buck it. It’s too dang hot fer me to be workin’. I dun’ care if AJ has a probl’m wi’ it, ‘m gonner go spend some time with Doozy.
Sighing contentedly, he began a slow, peaceful trot to Ponyville proper, his mind filled with thoughts of Ditzy Doo, and what sort of present he could get for Dinky. It would be her fifth birthday in a few weeks!
Rainbow Dash whimpered, watching Big Mac trot to Ponyville, so distracted by his flank that she didn’t notice his marefriend, Ditzy Doo, zipping clumsily between the clouds as she followed his progress.
It’s so unfair. Why would Mac choose Derpy, of all mares? It.. it.. it’s Derpy! If he ‘s going to date anypony, it should be me! I’m awesome, and Derpy is… well, Derpy!
Rainbow Dash knew her chances with Mac were limited, that God of a pony could hold a grudge for a long time, and she didn’t want to risk angering him.
For once, being awesome isn’t going to get me what I want. I’m gonna have to play this smart… I should ask Twilight, or Fluttershy! They wouldn’t tell anypony, and they’re bound to be able to help me. They gotta know how!
With a frustrated snort, Rainbow Dash took off, and flew high above Ponyville, focused entirely on her tricks and velocity. Anything to not think about how buckin’ unfair the situation was. UGH.
Author Note : Yeah, uhm, hi.
This is my first story, and it is unlikely the chapters will extend beyond a thousand or maybe two per chapter. I'll try to maybe merge the various chapters together (Making everypony's comments look silly in the process.) when I'm finished, but while I'm still publishing the story, short, possibly infrequent chapters will have to satisfy you all. I'm sorry!
Thanks for reading, and I hope you will read the rest. I'm almost finished with Chapter 1 as of 04/03/12 (22:00 GMT+10)
GO FLUSHY! Tracking and favorited.
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Ooooooh, I can delete your comments.
... Why is there no evil-grin-Pinkie-Pie on here?
Anyway, thanks for the favourite/track! I'm glad to be the second story you're tracking besides Memory Pending
I'm not a stalker, by the way. Not a stalker at all.
Oh! Do you need to read the introduction or not? I can't remember how different the edit is from the original, cos I've editted it a few times since I sent it to you
a great introduction, it drew me in and now i want more.
tracking for sure.
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I will admit it, i shamelessly stalk people who i see often in comments or post stories i enjoy.
i figure its a good way to find more inetresting things to read and, i dunno, i'm just a curious pony.
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We both have the same logic then, I do the same thing.
Me and 'Kela are friends for more than stalker-purposes, however
Oh, and thanks. I try Still working on Chapter 1, since I want that to hook people after the gentle pull of the introduction, much like Memory Pending did to me I want my first Chappy to be purrrrrrrrrfect
uhhh.
WHY NO OPAL FACE!?!?!
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i'm hardly a "read and run" type of reader. i comment on stories i enjoy and send messages to the people whom write them thanking them, and telling them what i think of the awesomeness that is their stories.
i figured as much. there's a few people here helping me along with my story, mostly Kiroberos. he has helped me tremendously with brainstorming. i have built a small shrine in his honor of inspiration and awesomeness.
i too was really grabbed by Memory Pending. it stole an entire night from me! (slow 'take it all in' reader)
so far i would say your intro is defiantly great at pulling! it does it's job well.
i have only just started my intro, i have a loooong ways to go.
oh! and i agree, we need more faces. I DEMAND MORE FACES!
A good start, Flushy. Oooh, I see a lot of familiar faces in this comment section, too!
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Yup yup
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YES. MORE MORE FACES
Aww, come on!
I was just looking forward to reading your story, and look at that!
600 words!
That's really mean!
And you said you were almost done with the first chapter 15 DAYS AGO!
Sorry about that, I'm not angry. Take your time.
The first sentence. Is that hinting at something, or am I just over-analyzing it because the story is tagged as [Romance], and it was just meant as a normal adjective?
So far, you pull off the characters quite nicely. (Although I guess there is no canon for Derpy (Not really), but I like it)
This story has a lot of potential, and it's probably gonna become one of those that frustrate the hell out of me, because of complicated relationships and such. I have a feeling I'm going to love it.
I won't write a long comment, as I should probably rest my hand after commenting a lot on 'The Worst Idea Ever' [Sponsored by Akela Stronghoof] (Not really)
I'm looking forward to the rest of the story (But now what should I do? Read Memory Pending for the third time? [Sponsored by Kiroberos] (I wish))
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You mean the "hard" part of the first sentence?
I don't do clopfics. Sorry. Ponysex does not interest me.. Only adorable romance
Yeah, I know, updates and whatnot, but I have lots of work to do. School is being sadistic!
Thanks for the love, and I'm sure 'Kir and Akela would happily sponsor advertisement for their stories, with a great pay too.
I'll try update this weekend, but I've got training for Kokoda on Saturday, but you'll definitely have at least something by 32 March
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Waah!
I wasn't talking about clopfics, just a slight double-meaning or something.
32 March?
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Oh well.
32 March is the day when everything that has ever needed to be done, has been done.
But no one knows about it.
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346321
Oooh, so your mysterious new reader is Egthoridon. Quite a wonderful reader, I might add. You're very lucky.
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Guess what I have is worse than just a bad cold, I'm hallucinating right now.
I mean, I just imagined that Kiroberos called me a 'wonderful reader.'
Can you imagine that?
... *clap*... *clap*... *clap... *clap*.. *clap*.
Anyways, very nice intro, already got me in! I AM PROUD THAT I TRACKED YOU BEFORE YOU EVEN PUBLISHED THIS INTRO!!! RARGH!
(I don't know ).
I love the story so far, 'thumbed up', fav'ed, etc.
Nice, 72 views at this current time, and no dislikes! I am proud of you!
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All 72 of those people are hipsters, because this isn't even visible on my freaking profile yet.
But still! Mreeep!
Going to attempt to write a little more now. Wish me luck, love, tolerance, and maybe some booze to help my.. ahem, creativity.
557043 lawl.
You should have a victory song! Mine are always dubstep
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My victory song is Nightcore.
It is wonderful. Really
Hmm, I will not say this is bad, not at all. It's good, but what's bothering me is that there don't seem to be any page breaks.
Personally, the transition from Big Mac to Ditzy watching him, and then back to Mac and finally to Dash, felt. . . "Wrong" you know?
If you had separated the two different scenes, (and personally, there happen to be about two or so, since one scene takes place on the ground, and another in the air, but that's just opinion) with something like ~*~ which my girlfriend and I use, the scene transition would feel smoother, but that's just me.
I'm not saying you didn't try to use a page break while writing it, but that maybe the page break vanished, and you didn't notice. A small edit to the intro with ~*~ or something similar to break up multiple scenes, in my opinion, would make this chapter, and future chapters an easier read.
Gonna have to keep track of this though, seems interesting
PS: I hope I helped, even slightly
I like it so far i cant wait to read what happens in the story later.