Little foal, did you ever wonder where ponies came from? Did you ever wonder why and how we were created? Did you wonder why there are light and darkness or why ponies and animals have to die eventually? If you like, I can tell you the story of the origin of ponykind.
Special thanks to “I HV NO FEAR” (http://www.fimfiction.net/user/I+HV+NO+FEAR), who did a great job proofreading this fic. It is meant as a prequel for "Last pony standing" and may as well be the foundation stone for the "Monki-verse".
Chapters (1)
Oh cool! You finally released it!
~Skeeter The Lurker
3449005
Errr.. It is not the story you think it is. This is rather a side project that may counts as a prequel to the story you are referring to. I will upload that one, when my Proofreader gives the OK, but I'm afraid that this may take another while
However, I am quite please how this one turned out.
3449018
Yeah... Figured that out the second I opened it...
My bad. Still, not bad at all!
~Skeeter The Lurker
3449032
Did you read it yet? I like to get some opinions
Well that was informative, It felt more like a history lesson then a story,
But given the ending, mabye that was the intent.
3449122
Yes that was indeed my intention.
3449135
Well that explains why the story didnt seem to flow well,
And i felt slightly as if i was being forced to read it as aposed to doing so freely.
3449151
Why did you feel forced? What gave you that impression?
3449159
When one reads a story the words often seem to pull your eyes along,
But in this case it feels less like a story and more like a term paper,
So compared to my previous statement, your story seems to require you to force your eyes along the text.
Dont get me wrong its not a bad story, but i cant help but simplify it to,
This happened, then this happened, then this happened.
3449207
OK that's an interesting opinion. How or what would you change to make it less forced to you?
3449224
Now thats a tricky question,
Personally i would like to see more of the characters themselves.
For instance, you tell us that Solaris loved Nocturnal, but thats just the problem,
You Tell us they are in love, i want to hear them say it, i want to know how they fell in love and their inital reactions to one another, being polar opposits and all.
However given the descriptive nature of the story,
Delving into the emotional side of the characters seems to be counter intuative.
3449267
Well, I know that its always easier to criticize than to give advice. Knowing this I do thank you for your opinion and suggestions. Of course you are right, this text lacks show versus tell, but this is somewhat intended. It might be easier if there actually was dialogue.
Imagine Cheerilee is standing in front of the class and read the text to her pupils. Most history books don't give much information about the emotional aspects of the described people. I mean, how should she know about the intentions of beings that lived several millennia ago?
My intention was, to keep the wording close to the one in the holy book, since one may view it as a crossover. So I actually did aim for a adequar wording, because that is how the holy book is written (at least in Germany)
3449341
I was wondering if you wrote this story as a prequel for a future story?
Also i've started reading "A tryst with destiny" and it is quite good.
3449358
Heh you are a smart kid.
Yes, one may view this as a prequel for another story, which is currently in post production. And that one actually has tons of dialogue, so i hope that it feels less forced, than this one.
My proofreader is working his flank off, as we speak. However, I'm afraid that it might take another while before I can upload the first chapter.
I am quite happy how Tryst had turned out, but I will send someone to clean it up for me, soon. I know that there are several grammar issues still present, but I am going to change that.
3449419
Well thats nice, now that you have all the boring backstory out of the way,
(I consider all backstory to be rather boring),
I'm sure the actual story itself is going to be a fun read,
I'll just plunk down a follow and go sit in my time machine,
(A cardboard box that says Future on it)
Then i'll come back when its up.
3449436
I'd recommend the TARDIS instead. It is a blue telephone box, which might be more comfortable.
I do hope that is a fun read, but others might disagree, since it will be a more mature themed fic.
Oh and thanks for the watch
3449453
I dislike when authors use doctor whooves in their stories,
Mostly because he is often pushed off into the backround.
And to be honest how can one simply ignore a lord of time,
Who has literrally faced down every sort of universe ending monster there is?
3449484
Actually I was referring to the original doctor and his TARDIS as a replacement for your cardboard box
I didn't think about doctor Whooves before you mentioned him. I am a rather new fan of the Whonivers and I am currently watching ALL episodes (including the ancient ones), so I end up a little hyped up every so often
3449540
I have seen every episode from the 9th 10th and 11th doctor series at least 3 times.
Nice story!!! Giving that a vote!!!
3453717
Thank you a lot