There are only three real monsters: Dracula, Blackula, and Son of Kong.
Becoming an immortal alicorn princess pony can be hard on a mare. On the one hand, Twilight now has near limitless power, but on the other, with great power comes great annoyance. Luckily that whole "near limitless power" thing kinda negates that. Still though, no one ever said banishing everypony to the moon would be easy.
Written for The Writeoff Association's inaugural writeoff, Lonely Happiness.
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y u no Tartarus
............ I give it a thumbs up, but I won't upvote it.
I would fuck everyone to the moon without remorse. THIS BE MY LAND NOW!
I dont see the point of the comedy tag nor the random one. This one deserves the dark tag, and nothing else really.
3686923
You could argue that "Random" is appropriate since Twilight is acting so far out of character. But yeah- while the premise could have gone either way, the execution definitely feels more like "Dark" than "Comedy" to me.
3686923
3687151
Eh, in my defense, it was supposed to be more of a dark comedy, but I didn't feel it was particularly dark by the time I was done so I left that untagged.
3687163 Seriously?
Remind me never to read any story you decide does need the dark tag. I don't think there will be enough Prozac to go around.
You know she could have saved herself a lot of time by teleporting herself to the moon XP.
"Loneliness is my happiness." Man, I thought I was a misanthrope. This gets an upvote because it tries harder than most.
I wonder if the ponies ever adapted to living on the moon.
As has been said, this needs the Dark tag, because it is NOT comedy.
Also, not only can I not see Twilight acting this way...there's a massive, raging logic hole here:
Celestia didn't just arbitrarily send Nightmare Moon to the moon with her own power. She needed the Elements of Harmony to do it. All of them.
So apart from being a terrible, horrible story that makes one question the sensibilities of the writer, it doesn't even follow the canon logic.
3688084
It seems to me that you have a fundamental misunderstanding of the premise of this story. It wasn't written so as to follow canon logic, nor was it even written to be logical in the first place. The idea that Twilight would just go absolutely power mad and banish everyone to the moon is so utterly absurd, that at a certain point, you just have abandon your demand for pure characterization and accept it for what it is: a silly story about Twilight.
3688084 excuse my rudeness but, you have typed the most idiotic review of a story ever my good sir
3688271 I do not excuse your rudeness.
This was rated as a comedy? Oh holy balls this was dark.
3688293
I was taking to author there I don't like posting rude stuff on peoples story. I could care less if you're offended
It isn't logical enough to work as a dark descent into madness and not funny enough to work as a comedy. Downvote.
Not bad but decidedly more dark than funny.
Okay, you managed to wring a few chuckles out of me. Upvote.
s8.postimg.org/r99opx9qd/Scared.png
You should write a sequel on the aftermath of Twilight's banishing's
This story doesn't need a dark tag at all. It should instead have 5 comedy tags, because this was absolutely hilarious. I was chuckling the whole way through.
Could have been better, but it could have been a lot worse as well. I'll give it an upvote because I enjoyed the idea of power-mad Twi. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
Wow... This was a whole lot darker than I imagined.
3688293
3688354
3688129
LOL, this shit is funny as fuck. Guys, please continue. Y'all are a riot. XD
3688597
Well, this is the most contributive comment ever. Good job, mate.
If everypony is on the moon, then no pony should be lonely at all.
3686923 Random because Twi is obviously OOC and the author fully accepts this.
Well now, this was dark and hilarious and insane.
I really enjoyed this little glimpse of bat crap crazy Twilight. Also, I love the references to classic lit........No Exit by Voltaire one of my all time favorite plays.
And then everyone lived happily ever after on their new moon base.
Consider, for a moment, that the checklist bearer was on the moon for a month with absolutely no food, water, or air.
She made everyone immortal!
Oh, it's dark alright. But it's a more implied darkness, as in, "wait, if nothing can die on the moon... well shit," not in the "holyfuckshesentpeopletothemoon!"
3688129
You know... this story is interesting. It's well-written, I'd even call some of the parts almost elegant. And it's very, very strange. Twilight is completely out of character, doing something that could be funny in a different light, but written completely seriously. All the other characters were in character, even though we didn't see much of them, and it's an interesting concept I've never heard before; an immortal actively hunting every other living thing in the world just to make things quiet... it's like something out of SCP. I'm going to give this a like, but, like the other commenters, the tags do not fit it at all. I smiled at a few parts, but there was no real joke, though the random tag might work. After looking over what each of the tags means, I'd say this story would file under 'alternate universe', and maybe dark, as well as random.
I think what gets most of the people in the comments mad is that the story isn't as it was advertised or anything like what they expected.
Twilight getting pushed over the edge and going banish-happy while her friends and the princesses panic in out of character ways would be comedy and random.
Twilight getting pushed over the edge and subtly trying to convince Celestia and Luna or her friends to help her banish everyone would be random and comedy.
Twilight getting pushed over the edge, banishing everyone written in the same vein as killing them, having all the other characters shown as acting realistically and logically, despite what you said, and then having Twilight offered a realistic (at least for My Little Pony standards) offer at redemption and turning it down... that's not comedic (at least to me), that's barely random.
All in all, it's a good story, I'd just alter the descriptions and tags.
3689807
First off, thank you for the comment, and for putting a lot of thought into it. You raise many good points, and, while I disagree on the whole, I do agree with some bits. See, I'll freely admit that this could've been done in many different ways that are more traditional comedy, but I didn't for a very specific reason.
As I said in the story's description, this was written for a writeoff where the prompt was "Lonely Happiness". Seeing this, I guessed, and was not incorrect, that there'd be a lot of melodramatic stories about ponies being "alone", so I decided that I'd take the concept and take it to its logical extreme. This story was very much a parody of melodrama and [Dark] fics at the same time. Everything, from the use of overly magniloquent words to OOC Twilight, was entirely purposeful on my part. It was all part of the parody, which, again, could've been done better, I admit, but is still, at its heart, a comedy, even if some people don't find it funny. So, for that reason, I won't be tagging it [Dark], though there are some compelling arguments for why I should.
All that being said, I do want to thank you again for reading and commenting and not just calling my fic a "terrible, horrible story". It's always nice to read well-thought out comments, especially if they are of a critical nature.
3689902 Well, thank you for replying. I didn't notice that it was part of a contest, and I don't read many traditional dark fics so I suppose I just didn't see the parody. I still stand by you altering the description though, though now I'm not sure to what.
I think it's a really good story, I just don't agree with how it's been presented out-of-story.
I think I might check out some of your other work.
3689926
Heh, fair enough. Just so you know, though, I didn't change the description at all. It's been the same since it was published. I've never hidden the fact that it was written for a writeoff. Granted, it's not immediately apparent, but I suppose that's a failing on my part. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it regardless, and hopefully you'll like my other stuff, too. This is the only story that's like this, heh.
3689944 Man, forget those other commenters! This is comedy GOLD!
Seriously, I loved this. Especially how she banishes them.
"Gone. Gone. Gone. LOL"
>
Has nopony made mention of the fact that she basically just moved all of the planet to the moon?
In other words, the moon is now the planet and the planet is now the moon?
As in, in the end, it's TWILIGHT that is the one banished to a barren rock whilst everypony else is on a vibrant (if a tad bit smaller) planet?
Nice ^^
I want a sequel with the ponies adapting
My, my, my...
Isn't this comment thread somewhat irate...
On one hand, some of you need to really lighten up. This was clearly written as a comedy. We don't see ponies crying over their loved ones. We don't see them starving to death on the moon. It's only a dark comedy (and honestly, I didn't think it was all that dark. It's like joking about killing/banishing everyone that annoys you. You obviously don't mean it and this story is just that. A wish-fulfillment type scenario. He's not arguing this is canon Twilight)
On the other hand, and the real problem, is that this story may earn a few chuckles here and there, but not enough and too spread out throughout the fic. A story like this should stay in more irrelevant territory and not take itself so seriously, but there are just too many parts that do and they take the reader out of the comedic realm.
So it's a comedy, but an average one at that. Everyone can relax now.
Sequel with the ponies adjusting on the moon. Please.
Twi and Cadence are NOT IMMORTAL because they were turned into alicorns.Cadence was a Pegasus.She was brought in by earth ponies when she was a filly, then Celestia found her and took her in as her niece. Only Luna and Tia are immortal for they where born immortal.By born I mean how ever the heck they appeared into the world. I don't think they have parents.Or at least that's what Meghan said.
that was not right... BUT it was fun
now...
gone
Well Alex, you sure found a way to get people to actually comment on a story rather than just downvote and run. Seems like far too many people are taking this story too seriously...
This is pretty clearly a comedy - no way would I mark it 'dark'.
3691472
This, moon society and getting back to Equestria, or maybe just "And after all that, ten thousand years passed, and now we cut back to Celestia checking in Twilight, who is insane."
I'm really curious about Luna though, she obviously drained herself dry, is she alright? Poor Luna l:
3691520
Twilight Sparkle is immortal in my headcanon, I do not care what the show or it's developers say, and I'm not alone in that.
When Nightmare Moon was banished, her exile only lasted for 1000 years. Wouldn't everyone eventually return from their banishment and Twilight would have to repeat her actions?
3687509 Yyyeah, I was gonna say. She basically teleported the entire ecosystem to the moon.
And why would Luna be old?