The changelings make a return and metalflare and others must stop it from happening before its to late because if not all of equestria will plummeted into a life time of darkness
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 17th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen Oct 7th, 2015
Metalflare1523
Dubstep freak loyal deathbat and a canterlot wondercolt for life
Metalflare1523
Joined 17th Dec, 2013 ·
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well Ty here is my input.
almost every sentence in the first paragraph starts with "I"
it needs about a thousand commas inserted into their correct places and more chapters instead of leaving us only with a pregnancy.
but...
in all story development it is really good. but i think it needs more to it. it was kind of one-lined with one thing leading to the next.
but overall considering that this is the first (and hopefully not last) fimfic,
good, it was certainly better than my first story.
suggestions... have someone proof-read and edit along with you so you can make sure it is your best work before you submit
see you at school on the 6th
3659687 thanx man for the advice im gonna use it at one time or another hopefully lol im glad you liked it and the ending is gonna be used at the beginning of "Metalflare:Altered Dimensions well see you on the 6th
3657487 and btw Metalflare is not a alicorn
3900433
It's a metaphor. And if it took you six and a half weeks to post that reply, I'm amazed you can cross streets safely.
3900838 well my internet has been down for a while and i have been busy typing and writing so i didnt have time to worry about the likes of you
3910235
Ooh, broadside.
Hopefully, you off-time 'typing and writing' has included a crash course in basic grammar, but I have to admit to some trepidation in that respect, being as - based on your replies - the simple concept of capitalization seems alien, if not frightening, to you.
You're a comedy act, kid; your next story had better be better.
3910718 Well it is gonna be better but everybodies first story isnt gonna be the best so stop if you have a problem with it you dont have to read but im not perfect and niether is Metalflare so yeah bye