I am a very talented writer and drawer. My favorite Movie is Dumbo
When Dumbo's Flying Circus discovers a portal to Equestria, It's an experience that both the circus and the ponies of Equestria will never forget with many surprises, from Celestia and Luna meeting the Ringmaster, to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon perform their high dive clown act.
*I know I started this back in 2014 but I think I would have the story take place shortly after the birth of Princess Flurry Heart.*
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3723000 Thank You
Awesome start
Good start but you should turn the circuses performers in to travel dimensions circuses. Just a suggestion only don't take it personal please.
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3725350 I know but then Lyra won't be able to see humans right before her very eyes.
what twilight friemds think?
They might think It would be an exciting encounter.
Having gone through the first chapter of your other story and glanced at this one, a glaring thing I feel I should note is your tendency to veer between past, present and even future tense. Frequent changes in tense can be done grammatically correctly and clearly only when you have mastered to art of staying in one tense.
If you were raised on these early Disney movies, this could be confusing as the narrator would shift between talking about a story in past tense (as something that has happened and is being described afterwards) to describing scenes in the present tense (as if they are happening now) as the visual shifts onto that of something happening within the story.
Generally your overall story should have a clear tense, with your narration talking in only past tense (most common) or only present tense (more difficult to do correctly). I don't know of any works of literature written in future tense though theoretically it could be done.
Characters will generally talk in present tense about either things that are happening or about facts, and they will talk in past tense about things that have happened before they have gone to tell another character about it, or about memories.
This is important for clear flow of your story, as readers can become confused and find it difficult to be immersed in and follow the story if they don't know whether something that is described as having happened in the past is connected to something being described in present tense, even within the same sentence.
4195628 I understand and I'm working on it.
Is the ring master good now or will he cause trouble and will you do more chapters
You need to add to this; it's awesome
6006687 I'll try to figure it out.
I only came across this story recently. Is it on permanent hiatus? Too bad. I liked it, even with the past-to-present tense shifts.
I make allowances when reading fanfics. I know they're not going to win competitions for 'perfect grammar,' but that's not what I look for. I read comprehensively, to 'get the main idea.' This has a great main idea. Would really like to see another chapter, where the elephant matriarch meets Celestia, and we get to the Main Event under the Big Top.
(Would be even neater to see Dumbo & Timothy take part in a Mane-6 adventure.)
6219716
That's a good idea. I was gonna have Celestia meet the Ringmaster but that's a good idea too.
what they think of it?
love Dumbo as kid i still have on vhs tape and old toy of Dumbo that is rare it find.
be Franklin D. Roosevelt as president at the time
Is this story alive ?