I'm the professor, a pony of sorts, but i'm also a Time Lord!
Luna has just risen the moon and it is now a beautiful night but all that flips when the princess of the night takes her nightly walk through her subject's dreams. An awkward encounter with a strange stallion twists Luna's night. will she ever find out who's dream it was?
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first comment!
Ummm... I liked the story but the final feels more like that it was cut midway and you just wanted to type "THE END!" faster.
What does chrystal mean.Crystal?
Or i didn't understand the final i didn't pay a lot of attention to the text so i may have missed something important but I wish to know who was the stallion or/and the "caped figure".
I wont rate it now but if you could light me up...
3985899 im glad that you took the time to inquire about my story. the part that explains the crystal was cut out of the story due to a computer failure. if I get time, I'll fix this.
and yes, I did want to end this. it was a pain in the butt to deal with. I had half of it done and then it"saved" but didn't! then the crystal thing. oh well... I'll fix it. thanks! :)
3986687
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I hope when you fix it the ending will actually make any sense
I don't get it. Also, the whole "intruding on a naughty dream" premise seems unfortunate, and there's assorted spelling and grammar errors throughout that make it a little harder to read.
4017315 still editing my dear pony.
Might be a stupid guess... but is it...Sombra?
4030085 not stupid at all my good pony! you are correct!
Just from reading the first chapter:
Capitalization errors and punctuation errors that take away from the flow of the story.
Pacing is erratic, at best. Characterization is lukewarm. Luna's way of recognizing those around her is asinine. Derpy cameo feels forced. Conversation is brief and doesn't push the story in either characterization nor plot.
Chapters look to be really short to actually tell a story as complicated as the description states.
It looks like an interesting premise, but the above takes away from all that so far. Haven't voted either way at this time.
Chapter 2: Grammar and spelling errors. Pacing, again.
Should lets us know that she went to sleep because all canon concerning her, that I can recall, has her awake at night and able to view dreams that way. For Whom The Sweetie Belle Toils and Sleepless In Ponyville are two episodes that come to mind. It might take a great deal of concentration and if she isn't sleeping, that's not really apparent. She also usually has a great deal of control in dreams and most likely there, herself, and not sleeping or concentrating like mentioned earlier.
I forgot that I read chapter three. It wasn't memorable at all.
Chapter four is where I downvoted it. Pacing actually became worse, as did grammar and capitalization errors. You've even admitted to the last two chapters being sloppy and don't know why most readers would downvote it?
The first two to three chapters are "fixable," but scrap the last two and actually write the story as you intended it and you wouldn't get as many downvotes. You'd have to find a way to attract new readers as almost all readers that have completed reading the story wouldn't bother coming back to it. It doesn't even need the Applejack(This is the only reason I read the story and I was disappointed at the amount of Applejack) and Rarity tags as their appearances are as much cameo as Derpy's in the first chapter.
You asked for some constructive criticism and I provided it. I hope this helps improve stories of yours in the future.
4986389 This was one of my first stories and I honestly don't know why I haven't deleted it. I never had it proofread and never will. Even I think it's crap, soooo...yah.