While walking down the street to school one day, Scootaloo noticed a poster nailed to a nearby fence. As she read the sign, her eyes went wide and a smile spread across her face. She ripped it from its holdings and rushed off to school.
Scootaloo slammed the poster down on the desk, smirking proudly. She glanced over at Sweetie Belle, then Apple Bloom. “Pretty sweet, huh?”
Lifting up the poster, Sweetie Belle frowned. “Iron Will’s Iron Cage. One night only. In the hedge maze after the seminar,” she read. Her frown deepened. “I don’t get it.”
Scootaloo gave a mocking laugh. “Duh, isn’t it obvious?” She puffed out her chest. “I’m gonna enter that cage match, and I’m gonna win!”
Sweetie Belle blinked a few times. Apple Bloom, in turn, faced Scootaloo. “Uhh… how exactly are y’all planning on winning a cage match… against a monster?”
“He’s not a monster. He’s a minotaur,” said Scootaloo matter-of-factly. “And anyway, I’ve got this no problem, y’know why?” Sweetie Belle started to respond, but Scootaloo interrupted her with a hoof jab to her chest. “Because I can’t die!”
“So… I realize that you’re kind of stupid, but do you really not understand how these things work?” said Sweetie Belle, cocking her head to the side. “I mean, for one, you can die; you die all the time, in fact. Second, what does that have to do with fighting in a cage match anyway? You may be, like, weirdly immortal, but that doesn’t mean you can fist fight a literal monster.”
“Minotaur,” corrected Scootaloo. She waved her hoof. “Trust me. I’ve got a foolproof plan to win this thing.”
“Oh yeah?” said Apple Bloom, leaning in towards Scootaloo. “How’s that?”
Smirking, Scootaloo slowly lifted her hoof and then brought down on the poster, right below one tiny line written in fine print with a little asterisk next to it. “That’s how.”
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle exchanged glances, then Sweetie said, “Sometimes, Scootaloo, you’re not so stupid after all.”
The announcer’s voice boomed out above the din of the rowdy crowd. “What an exciting turn of events, folks! Our next challenger is… a filly!”
Iron Will tensed his muscles, cracking his neck as he pushed against the cage’s walls. “I pity the fool who challenges Iron Will! If you’re coming to collect, you’re gonna get wrecked!” He flexed his massive arms, rolling his shoulders and snorting loudly.
Scootaloo stood at the opposite corner of the cage, leaning against the wall casually. She yawned. “You done, bud?”
Bouncing on the balls of his hooves, Iron Will made a few quick jabs at the air. “Oh hohoho, this little filly’s that confident? Just don’t beg for mercy when Iron Will has you pinned down. You expect mercy, and all you’ll get is… uhh, pursy!”
“Is that even a word?”
“It’s a word!” shouted Iron Will defiantly. “Enough talk, filly. Now it’s time for Iron Will to lay the hurt down on you… Iron-style!” He shot a glance towards the referee.
The referee, one of Iron Will’s many goat minions, nodded hurriedly, kicking a bell to signal the start of the match. As soon as he heard the ding, Iron Will sprung into action, charging straight at Scootaloo.
Unfazed, Scootaloo simply stood there, not moving a muscle. She smirked just a tiny bit, right before Iron Will leapt into the air and then pile drived on top of her. Her world went black just as the crowd started cheering in excitement.
Iron Will rolled over, his eyes going wide in horror when he saw what had happened to his opponent. He jumped up and started making motions at his throat to the goats running the show. “Uh, the match is over now! No more for tonight, so you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!”
There were boos from the crowd, but Iron Will ignored them. One by one the lights clicked off and the goats swarmed the cage as they started to disassemble it. Feeling a tapping on his back, Iron Will turned around to see two fillies looking up at him expectantly.
“Iron Will’s Iron Cage is over now, kids,” he said, attempting to wave them off.
Sweetie Belle nodded to Apple Bloom. “Show it to him.”
Apple Bloom grinned, whipping out the poster from before. She held it up to Iron Will’s face, one hoof pointing at the fine print at the bottom. “And we ain’t takin’ no for an answer.”
Iron Will bit his lip. “I knew I shoulda never put that ‘death or injury’ clause there. All right, fine. If it’ll get you kids off my back,” he turned to a goat wearing a tight-fitting suit, “pay them the agreed amount.”
Sweetie Belle’s eyes narrowed. “How much is that?”
The goat pulled out a notepad and scribbled something on it. He showed it to the pair of fillies.
“Are you kidding me!?”
“Well, how much did we get?” asked Scootaloo eagerly, leaning up against the clubhouse’s wall.
Sighing, Sweetie Belle said, “Twenty-five bits...”
“...What?” Scootaloo’s mouth fell open. “A measly twenty-five bits? That’s kid stuff!” She sighed. “All right, fine. Well where’s my share, then?”
Sweetie Belle looked around awkwardly. “Uhh… well…” She turned to Apple Bloom.
Apple Bloom tried to hide it by turning away, but everyone could see the massive bulge in her cheeks. Trying her best to talk with her mouth full, Apple Bloom said, “It washin’t very much, sho we shpent it on jawbreakersh.”
Closing her eyes, Scootaloo said, “Well, where are my jawbreakers, then?”
Apple Bloom gulped, “Uhh… theshe are the lasht two…”
Scootaloo nodded slowly. “Next time you get to cage match with a monster.”
“Minotaur,” Sweetie Belle corrected.
“Oh, shut up.”
>takes a two-week break
>still releases chapters late
>scumbag alex
Good work, me, you jackass...
Next chapter should be out later today, and I'll do my best to have the chapter for tomorrow out on time. No guarantees about the next one though, what with Bronycon and all.
And the two CMCs succeed in a Ed, Edd, n' Eddy caper! Tune in next time to see their next scam in cockfighting! (Which will also result in Scootaloo's death. Yeah, she'll lose that badly.)
*looks it up* SWEET CELESTIA! ITS A WORD!!
4765330 NO EFFING WAY! What does it mean!?
4765446
it means to either be !short of breath, or 2) fat. Considering the context, I'm guessing he's going with the first one
4765452 Don't be so pursey you sissy! xD I am totally going to use this line a lot in the future.
4765552
The things you pick up from pony fics eh?
i think this is Scootaloo's first crushing loss in this whole story.
It's too bad she wasn't able to do the same to Iron Will's wallet.
4764922 *gasp*
I'm sorry, Will. We would've accepted "You expect mercy, but you'll leave in a hearse-y!" Posing optional.
What am I saying? Posing is never optional.
In any case, another excellent installment. Scootaloo's really making her unique vital status work for her.
Not sure if intentional.
4766153
Very much so. That was the joke after all.
So, this time Scoots got...
bullied.
It's good to see these three capitalizing on Scoot's immortality.
4764922
Scumbag Alex?
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Scumbag_04f8c9_1780660.jpg
Even when you win, Scootaloo, you lose.
What. WHAT?! That's a splash! Iron Will splashed on top of her! That ain't no piledriver! BOO! I paid to see piledrivers and powerbombs! :V
*foams at mouth*
Rrrraarrgghrrrrarghhhh DESTROY HER IRON WILL!!!