Ta-da! My first story!
(The following story contains elements of Rooster Teeth's series, RWBY. For those readers who do not know what RWBY is about, it can be simply summed up as a show about a group of friends that attend and live on campus at a school that trains monster hunters.)
One day, Team RWBY receives a strange mirror from the local Dust shop in Vale. Meanwhile, in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the Mane 6 are studying both the box from the Tree Of Harmony and the Mirror from the Crystal Empire to see if there is a possible connection between the two.
After both RWBY and the Mane 6 realize they can see one another in the mirror, Nora dives right in, with the rest of the girls not far behind.
When Remnant's youngest Huntress' in training arrive in Ponyville they find that one small detail has changed.
They're now ponies.
However, what seems like a burden to the girls what actually be the key to saving Ponyville and Equestria from a alliance of Remnant's foes and Equestria's villains. Both the Mane 6 and RWBY will need to team up if they want to take down this league of evil.
Looking for Editors and or Pre-Readers! Any grammar help is greatly appreciated.
To note: I realize I'm not the first person to think of doing a crossover between MLP and RWBY. However, I wanted a story that plays to both series strengths: RWBY's high intensity action and MLP's characterization. My hope is that this story is the combination of both without ruining either series charm.
Pegasus or earth pony?
No, the black one IS Blake, and I think she and Twilight are still in the room?
I think you need a "This" in there somewhere.
This was decent overall, but you kinda had everyone taking an awful lot in stride. I mean, the ponies may be used to weird shit, but the RWBY characters have never faced anything remotely like this (unless you've tweaked canon somewhat). Both of them were extremely fast to pair off, and often for little to no reasons-- Applejack and Fluttershy in particular were just kinda... random. If a stranger invited me into their home, I would be feeling more than a little paranoia-- and it's strange to me that we didn't see any of that. Plus, there's the whole fact that quadrupedal motion is significantly different than bipedal motion. It just gives me the impression of a very hurried opening, rushing past all the setup that is important for the story down the line.
Plus, dividing the story into six pairs will make it REALLY hard to get anything done. Presumably, we'll get one chapter for each of the groups, covering their activities up until they reconvene. That's six chapters to cover one stretch of time-- if these pairs keep doing their own things, this story will be SUPER slow to advance.
Anyway. Your writing is good, and the plot you seem to be pitching is... decent, if somewhat overdone ("Crossovered heroes must work to defeat alliance of villains that threatens BOTH THEIR WORLDS!" is rather common), but I think you're setting yourself up for a whole mess of pacing issues. Will keep an eye on this.
Screw everything.
There can always be more rwby
ALWAYS.
Yippe!
Oh Celestia this is wonderful!!!
I can use this to torture my otaku buddy to showed me RWBY in the first place!!
It's a weird friendship....
This should be interesting...
4109600 And you have excellent logic, my friend.
4113250 But it's a friendship nonetheless, right?
4113749 Indeed it shall....
4113836 Indeed it is. We are just polar opposites, and somehow remain friends.
btw plz continue this is wonderful!
4113870
I will continue the story, no need to worry about that. This isn't my first time dealing with fanfiction, just my first time writing about MLP.
4113992 Well you are doing a damn good job.
Crossover seems to be the genre that gets the crappiest like/dislike ratio, so you are really hitting this out of the park.
btw. you way want to make a small modification to your cover pic. Wiess' nose makes her look like a snivy lol
You should use this as the cover art. Epic RWBY MLP pic
4114521 I've seen that picture multiple times, and I love it.
One problem: Someone else is already using it for a RWBY/MLP story.
4115241 So? As long as the story is original the art should be ok.
I like this story. I can't wait to see the next chapter!
4119068 Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked the story.
4119096 You are welcome! Also, is the next chapter going to be like the Yellow trailer for RWBY?
4119104 If by the Yellow Trailer you mean full of over the top action, a dash of humor, and Yang punching the absolute snot out of guys, then....
No. That WILL happen, just further on down the line in the story. Besides, seeing Yang beat up punks is one thing.
Reading about pegasus Yang and Rainbow Dash beating up punks for perfectly good reasons is another, much, better, reason.
So, to answer your question, yes and no.
4119251 Ok. Also, what did you think of the Yellow trailer?
4119263 Eh. It was good. I was more disappointed with the portrayal of Yang's character in the trailer versus her portrayal in the show. She was shown in the trailer to be a tough, strong, female character that enjoys social activity and possibly guys.
In the show however, Yang is actually shown to be more of a big sister type of character than a party girl. In fact, during the actor's commentary on Episode 3, Baraba Dunkleman, Yang's voice actress says she wanted to move Yang away from the sterotypical blonde party girl role and portray her more as a motherly type of character.
To me, it's like seeing a trailer for Pinkie Pie, expecting Pinkie Pie in the show, only to have Pinkie acting like Applejack or Rainbow Dash.
It doesn't sit well.
Oh! The trailer, not Yang. Whoops, I rambled. Uh...I like the trailer. I have a generally neutral opinion towards it. The Black trailer is my favorite, but Yellow holds a close advantage over it due to better voice acting.
4119422 I see what you're saying bro. I didn't notice that difference until now. Also, I'm amazed that Yang actually had the guts to grab Junior like she did. Speaking of Junior, do you think that he and that club that the Yellow trailer takes place in will return in season 2 of RWBY when it comes out?
4119513 I do know for a fact that the twins from the Yellow trailer are set to return. As for Junior and the club...no clue.
You could say Yang had the balls to grab Junior like she did.
Ill be happy to pre read for you
4119665
I LOVE IT! Also, I saw on the official RWBY wiki that the designs for the twins were based off of old designs for Weiss and Ruby. The names of the twins were Melanie and Miltia right? Miltia was the one in the red dress, and Melanie was the one in the white dress.
Another thing, are the twins going to show up in this fiction?
4122989 Good. Glad to see I can pull off the Yang style of puns.
You are correct about the twins. As to whether or not they'll make a appearance, I can't say at the current time. Details, surprises, and all that.
But, when I say alliance of both Remnant and Equestria, you can be sure that a good number of villains are going to come crawling out the woodwork.
4125151 Indeed. I've only got one thing to say. This is gonna be GOOOOOOOOD!
Daaahling!
I love the new cover!
Note: Nora is not from Team RWBY, but Team JNPR, who are friends with RWBY anyway.
4127634 I do believe I mentioned that. If I did not, my apologies.
4127454 I am most glad you do!
4127316 Not to correct you, but it's:
DIS GUN BE GOOD.
4127709
Sorry. I haven't read it yet. Also, I'm a bit miffed that you're excluding Jaune and Ren from this world-crossing adventure (unless they have an important role back in Remnant).
4127721 Well, about Jaune and Ren......
<insert convenient excuse here>
Seriously though, I had only planned to match up the Mane 6 to a corresponding RWBY 6, so it's a all female cast.
As Jaune and Ren's important duties, Ren is probably keeping Jaune from going absolutely stir-crazy over Pyrrha and RWBY being missing. And I'm sure Ren misses Nora too.
Hmmm...I think I'll mention that.
4119422 Yellow Trailer is best trailer. The music fits well.
4284906 Music is one thing, character representation is another.
While Yellow Trailer to you may have best music, I love From Shadows more.
How much longer till an update.
where's the next chapter you haven't posted anything in over 3 months
4575192
4603358
I have to applaud both of you for bugging me about this. I'm not shooting either of you down, but rather for reminding me that I actually have fans.
That aside, my apologies for the lack of a update. There is a second chapter, it is in the works, and it will be done shortly, I hope.
Do expect a potential alicorn princess to be revealed from the RWBYPR group. As to who that is, well....it's a surprise. One that Weiss may or may not approve of.
And yes, there will puns, Nora being Nora, and Jaune freaking out over the loss of Pyrrha, and Ren possibly slapping somebody.
In short, it's supposedly going to be around equal length to last chapter. Just...better.
4613309 how soon exactly will it be out because I really want to read it
4618775 Soon is all I can say for right now. I can nail down a rough guess of hopefully by this weekend, but I'm not 100% sure that's a the truth for right now, seeing as it may get down or it may not.
You have my attention, and am waiting more updates soon.
definitely like the premise, but you might want work on the grammar and consistency in details. I can barely go a paragraph sometimes without running into something. Otherwise, this is interesting.
when can you update?????
Love it beleive me when i say that your storie is one of the reason i start watchin RWBY thanks for your storie and the guide to this series that show a good potential
Can we expect to see Mercury Black and Emerald Sustrai in this story?
where is the new chapter?
This is definitely one of my favourite fanfics, I hope you update soon.
KO when's the next chapter I'm dying to know what happens next.
4620442 KO when will the next chapter come I'm dying for some action.
4620442 KO the next chapter PLEASE.
I like this story.
Are you going to make more?