• Member Since 13th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Jun 4th, 2016

RavensDagger


E

Awakening to find herself inside the Ponyville hospital, Rarity has to face the consequences of her actions, if only she could remember them.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 19 )

:raritycry: Poor rarity
:pinkiehappy: Pinkie was happy as usual

Good story!

This was very impressive to say the least. Good job writing it.

And while I'm still typing... Rarity will always be fabulous... burnt or not. :raritywink:

A Bit boring if you ask me.

The ending was was, well, expected but
how it ended felt unfinished to me.

Cheers
~iraqlobstah

"she gingerly found = her way to her art studio"

Random equals sign? Anyway, it was... I hesitate to say good; Well written and terribly emotional. 5/5

nice little story.

Total grammar nazi here, spotted a few errors.

Trotting into the hallway that bisected her home and, ignoring the obvious signs of filly-related trouble, she gingerly found = her way to her art studio,
(random equals sign?)

“Oh right, you can’t answer... Sorry.” Twilight smiled sheepishly at her. “I am happy to see that you are awake again.
(Also, random spaces.)

“Hello miss Rarity,” said nurse Redheart as she entered the room.
(Her dialogue should read "Hello, Miss Rarity,")

The both looked into her eyes and smiled. then looked away.
(The should be "they," accidental period instead of a comma)

“She sounds like a drowning hippo.” snorted Rainbow Dash.
(Period after her dialogue should be a comma)

She turned to her right and looked at the small chairs destined for visitors and the large machine that had helped her breath.
(breath should be "breathe")

Swearing Rarity began bucking it until, finally, it smashed inwards, breaking apart into hundreds of little splinters as it did so.
(Needs a comma after swearing)

When they had all left her shut the door gently and turned to face her.
(What? Who's doing these actions?)

But slight OCD aside, I really liked this story. I thought it was touching and well executed - good job! :raritywink:

376903
Ah, thanks! Not sure how a few of those got in there; could have used another read through I guess. Thank you very much mate.

And no, this isn't the best thing I've written, quite the opposite. Still, it was a fun little experiment, and I might have learnt a thing or two.

just a couple things:
Cheerilee’s easy turned to the towering columns of smoke on the horizon.
^eyes
Applejack turned to one another and began talking about the fire's effect on crops and the wildlife respectably.
^and Fluttershy

other than that, great story

I liked it, it almost make me go :fluttercry:, knowing :raritywink: has the most pride, this fanfic should makre her internet aura reddem herself. Great Story. :twilightsmile:

good thought it would be story bout sweetie belle dead and such this turned out happier than i thought

Woooo! look at all the positive reception for this!:twilightsmile:

.

The ending made it feel... unfinished. That was a bit unfortunate. :raritydespair:

437442

Yeah, I kinda got bored of the story three quarters of the way through, then I rused the ending a tab.

.

437470

Well, other then that it was good! I just wanted to make sure Rarity was all okay after reading that, so that's why it felt a bit unfinished to me, which was a little unfortunate. But I really liked it otherwise! :raritywink:

437789

Why thank you! Honestly though, my newer work (Like Steam Gears and Wings or Pony Net, is much better... And yes I am self advertising...

.

437792

No shame in self advertising. :twilightsheepish: If I found someone who liked what I wrote, I'd probably self advertise too. :raritywink: Now I have to look at those.

437829

Huzzah, the views have been... incresed by one!

Back to editing...

By two, now, thanks to being fav'd/watched by someone who fav'd/watched one of my stories.

Good practice, and a good reminder that nopony needs to die for it to be a tragedy.

Yeah... rushed ending.

However, this isn't really a tragedy, just sad.

Also, why not Spike?

... Still a pretty damn good read through

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