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Time Turner, or as Derpy calls him, "Dr. Whooves," invites Derpy to spend a nice breakfast with him after work. Soon, the punctual stallion finds himself hard pressed to keep his emotions to himself.
Written as a cute little one-shot to test my ability to write less dark, and sinister stuff.
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So cute
All of my Awww's
This is such a cute story
NAOMNAOMNOM
I LUV DIS SHIEP
NOMSHFNDAJJDDM
pbs.twimg.com/media/BSVFg-dCEAAb8ep.jpg:large
I liked this, though, one thing stands out -
4332566
Oh yeah... I suppose you can't really take a large bite out of bacon huh,
4332569 No...the fact that she's a pony, and eating bacon in the first place is what kind of disturbs me...
Very cute, although there are dark undertones.
4332573
4332577
Looks like I failed at trying to get away from sinister writing,
Aww!
The bacon set me off track, but It still was cute.
....Bacon...
4333063 oh my god, I just realized why the bacon thing is wrong
.
However, I still kinda want to keep it so everyone's comments about it make sense, so I'll keep it like that for you guys... Plus I think it's kind of funny that I overlooked something that large.
Stahp, you're gonna give me diabetes
Not bad. Not bad at all.
You could use an editor to clean this up a bit more, but overall, I did enjoy it.
ehhhhhh, dont really like it. at all
Farm animal cannibalisim
and I hate Derpy
4337004 You're mad because you have no stories, and this author has wrote a great one. You're also twelve, so no wonder you can't absorb the cutesy plot of the story. Lastly, you're just mad because this author is more accomplished then you, as a writer, an author, and as a person.
4337173 AMEN
Ah Shut your Facehole
4337010
4337173
4337183
Ok guys, I changed it from bacon to hay bacon, because it seems to be spiraling into a flame war. No need for arguing in the comments, people.
4337690
Quick comment on a common mistake. No offense intended.
to - used before a noun is a preposition intended to connect non subject nouns to a sentence. (I read a book to my sister.)
to - used before a verb shows the infinitive or no time form of the verb.
(I was reading the book to complete my homework.)
The common mistake I refer to is saying something like "I have to much work to do." Here, you need to use too which is an adverb, used as a modifier to help an adjective or another adverb. "I have too much work to do." or "This explanation is too complex (adj.) and too grammatically (adv.) intricate to appreciate."
Enjoy.
D'aww
Also,
I thought it was breakfast.
4339244 that's exactly what I didn't want to happen. Sorry, I'm deleting your comment.
4337183 Oh mai gad, your picture.
This story was well written, not cheesy, and used lines that went above and beyond, especially compared to the overused phrases that are normally littering one-shots.
This story gets a genuine ten/ten for the plot, delivery, the fact that your characters seemed realistic, and the surprising events that unfolded.
Stay Tastical.
Love, TheMultiTraveler.
In regards to my last comment, Ten Outta Ten
Pshhhhhhhh.
4364034 Since most stories use him in his "Dr." Form and I wasn't, I felt I needed to include it somehow. In this story, it's just Derpy's pet name for him.
That was a very sweet story. I enjoyed reading it.
Aww
. I need a sequel of this
My TimeBubbles heart just exploded with happiness. Seriously, this is just so adorable!
Heck, I might even draw something related to this.
4649892 I'd love to see it!
Glad you liked the story,
What I love most about this story is that it fits so many head cannons in one!
for example: the head cannon that Derpy is a innocent and quiet mare and as you openly stated that Time Turner was a Calm and Collected and Punctual stallion that isn't expected to be residued to a sappy lovestruck fool.
I could possibly see this one-shot become a story but honestly it's perfect as it is.
Keep up the amazing work!
4649892 HI FREND
Omg I so love this
I love this story. I've read it so many time! I love where he runs off to his bathroom suddenly! And when he just kisses Derpy out of nowhere because he can't stand his feelings being bottled up anymore!
SAAAA CUTE!
Cute story.
4581772 I have a question about your avatar did you create it online or is it someonelses,
If it's yours please tell me what the site is called.
5397515 I drew my own user avatar, I never posted it though,
~awwwwww!
This is so CUTE!
I absolutely love this! Ever since the episode "Slife of Life" aired, I cannot get enough fanfiction about science-horse and muffin-horse.
The way you described Time Turner's feelings for Derpy were very accurate to how it feels to be suddenly infatuated with someone, and I liked that you showed both perspectives. This gets an upvote from me!
Oh. This is so adorable.
Did you mean to say “they had BEEN friends.”?