The Dark One will return with aid from the stars, and consume the world in darkness. On the shortest night of the longest day, the dusk a thousand years away, the stars will convene in stony conviction and free the Nightmare’s prison…
Twilight Sparkle has lived a sheltered life in Canterlot Keep. Away from the monsters that roamed the wilderness, away from the dangers of foreign lands, away from her true destiny.
Beings of unparalleled evil return after a millennium of slumber, fulfilling a prophecy to resurrect an ancient goddess.
Celestia no longer walks the mortal planes. There is no order. Innocence is lost.
Six unlikely heroes go to war.
This Dungeons and Dragons crossover fic was heavily inspired by other crossovers such as Friendship is Dragons and Dungeons & Ponies.
This fanfic uses D&D 4e as a base for abilities, classes, etc. MLP FiM belongs to Hasbro, and D&D belongs to WoTC, which in turn is a subsidiary of Hasbro.
living book, dark creatures, the rise and fall of gods, this gonna be good.
As far your story can stand among good MLP / D&D crossovers. First sentence is grammatically wrong and might scare off less forgiving readers.
I cant see any thing wrong in the story, but at the same time, it failed in peaking my interest. Don't get me wrong. Its is a good read (thumb up) and all, but the story might not peak interest of big crowd. You can write in a good and coherent way that is neither bad nor brilliant. The twist with the book was a nice touch ( although don't kid your self its not a revelation). Pace of the story is good and even, you have action and interesting description with is nice. Its just that it lacks something. Some sort of punch in the guts after with you want to read it more. ( Or maybe its is just me not knowing what I'm talking about )
Personally I wish you big success and recognition within the site.
I say it's a good entertaining story sure you have a few problems here and there by those are minor. Please keep writing.
Hm, this is pretty good so far. I guess the main reason as to why Equestria is such a crappy place, unlike in canon, is because Luna managed to make scores of beasts and evil spirits before being sealed, all of whom have been terrorizing the land for a thousand years now, ever since her banishment? And I guess things only get worse with her return now close, and what looks like her "generals" of sorts making an appearance and spurring the monsters on.
I'm looking towards how the situation gets dealt with - clearly things aren't as simple as they were in the canon and it looks like Nightmare's armies are as much of a menace, if not more so, than she herself is. And whether she is going to be ultimately cleansed by the Elements or brought down the old fashioned way, it's clear the path to get there will be much darker and grittier for the little band of heroes. I'm looking towards it.
As for the writing itself, you are doing pretty good so far - things are descriptive enough to produce a decent mental image, and you maintain a steady clip that doesn't get bogged down in details. The plot itself seems simple enough, but you have injected enough mystery to make me feel genuinely curious and thirsting for answers. What, exactly, is the tome Twilight found, and why did her reading it seem to be trigger for all of this? What is the thing that attacked Celestia, because clearly it can't be a simple mook of Nightmare if it can overpower her so easily? And who is the seemingly ever-present Sunny Skies, who is obviously so much more than a simple Pegasus? I'm almost tempted to say an apparition/shard of Celestia herself, but one can never know ...
My one criticism would be that the pacing feels slightly rushed at times, as if things were put on Fast Forward. I realize that was partially the intent with the whole attack on Celestia thing, as you probably strove to leave us as unbalanced and reeling as Twilight felt at the moment, but still - things felt pretty rushed. Same goes for Rainbow's chapter and the sudden appearance of the gryphon leader, who all but materialized out of thin air and proceeded to stomp them in to the ground. A bit too fast and furious there.
Overall though, I like it and am interested in seeing more of this. Though as usual with D&D crossowers, adding copious amount of magical skill to everyone in accordance to their "classes" doesn't seem to mesh all too well with the pony species - unicorns suddenly don't feel very unique with everyone being able to cast spells (that was some fancy amounts of spellwork AJ managed there in her intro chapter), and a Pegasus of the right class might as well be an alicorn, what with their ability to fly and use magic at the same time. This especially diminishes otherwise "pure" casters like Twilight, whose original talent in magic suddenly doesn't say much when everyone can perform great and unique feats of it, which typically messes with the group dynamics of the mane 6.
Still, won't cry wolf before time and will wait until the group actually gets together and see how they function as a party before casting any judgment on that.
All in all, this certainly has my interest so far and has the beginnings of a potentially epic tale.
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Except Twilight hasn't cast ANYTHING as of yet.
At least, in D&D terms.
It's hard to explain. Maybe in later chapters.
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It's true that she hasn't had the chance to do much yet, which is why I said I'll wait to see how it works out - just voiced my general concerns about things I generally see making D&D and MLP a somewhat poor match, though there are obviously exceptions. She obviously hasn't forgotten her regular unicorn magic at any rate, as we saw in chapter 1, and that's already a step in the right direction :)
Why is Vinyl always a vampire or vampire related thing?
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Because she has red eyes and pale coat, both of which are stereotypical vampire signatures?
Besides, vampires are awesome.
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She could be a ghoul? Much lower LA and HD penalty.
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Ah, but we are going 4th edition here, and the vampire is actually a class there, while the ghoul is just a monster type.
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Fair enough. And I really did like the vampire class for 4e, though I think it could used a few tweaks here and there.
I've read through the first couple chapters and I think you're on a good track. A bit choppy in places, but overall fairly well written.
May I ask, what is the point of the X.X chapter labelling? Just curious.
Please continue writing!
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The chapters are written in "sessions", in which a number of chapters joined together roughly approximates a single D&D session.
Solstice not equinox.
If you need an OC, let me know.
Just PM me if you need an OC.