Brony, Gamer, Way too much time on my hooves
This story is a sequel to The Wrong Hoof
Disappointed with his natural talents, a changeling is sent to Ponyville to gather food for his people. What he finds in the colorful town could be a breakthrough for his kind, or put them all in peril.
Prequel/spinoff of "The Wrong Hoof" (set during the course of season 3)
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The premise seems interesting, although so far the intro and description of the fic (and the picture) don't seem to be connected much.
This could use some editorial work but is readable with a bit of good will, and it would be nice if you could perhaps tie in information from the other story you mention when needed.
It made me giggle at least once, so I'll be looking forward to more
4744667 well the description of the story will be explained a bit more in the next chapter, as for the picture, I suppose it doesn't really make much sense but it's hard to find a good cover photo. Basically the main character meets fluttershy in the story so that's how it's related.
As for tying in the other story, the events in the other story take place after this one so basically all you need to know is that the characters Vano and Dolus exist, Flash Sentry is actually Vano in a disguise but I'll probably explain that a bit more later in this story as well, and also this story will have a sort of open ending as it leads into "The Wrong Hoof" So basically, you don't have to read the other story before reading this one, but when this one's over, you may want to read it anyway if you want to find out what happens next.
I don't know that this story will be completely standalone in the end, however changes do happen. My last story didn't end anything like how I originally planned.
Yeah, people are so quick to mash that downvote button! It's like a red cape for a bull or something!
Anyway, I think that the reason for downvotes may be that your style is kind of lacking - there are many errors in tenses, some sentences don't flow right and reading is a conscious effort instead of smooth sailing. For some, that is a deal-breaker and they run away. I prefer to think of it the same way as with games - even if the graphics don't look the part, the story and mechanics might make up for it!
I would heavily suggest an editor - I'm really glad you're not being discouraged by mere numbers and decided to carry on
As far as I'm concerned, if there is at least one favorite on a story, it's worth writing for that one person <3
Hang in there mate, looking forward to more!
4749081 I find that interesting, since for some reason, in my head I thought I was getting better as a writer. You don't have to but if you have the time, would you mind reading just maybe one chapter or so of my other story? because I switched styles in between stories and I'm wondering if I had it right the first time. I'll consider the idea of an editor but personally I don't really know where to look for one. In any case, thank you very much for taking the time to leave me some constructive criticism, I really appreciate it
4749459
A good start is the Looking for Editors group. The people there are friendly and you might find someone to read after you and correct the mistakes
As for your previous story, the change of style brought about changes both good and bad. The good news is there are no more blocks of text which could daunt a reader, the structure looks a lot better than the other one
In the process I think you decided to be less descriptive of events, settling for speeding up the action with shorter presentation. It might be tempting at first, but one has to strike a balance between pacing the story right and providing enough information in the filler parts to justify arriving at a scene of interest.
If anything, I think I could have some time during the weekend to have a look at these two chapters you have here. If you'd shoot me a Google Docs link, I would probably take some time to suggest improvements here and there
4749508 wait... I've gotten LESS descriptive?... and suddenly my world is turned on its head. for some reason, I thought I was getting better at that.
Also I don't know the first thing about Google Docs. (and you might want to prepare for a block of text near the end of chapter 3. I couldn't find a way around it.)
Nice to see a spin-off of Dolus. I always wondered how he went by his missions that were left bacially unsaid in your other story. Looking forward to more (: