Monday blues, it was a real thing. It was also the only day on which Octavia ever got anything close to actual peace and quiet during lunchtime. Strangely, this Monday was simultaneously both more and less blue at the same time. More, in the sense that it was even quieter than usually, but less in the sense that, as far as Octavia knew, a certain little blue magician had not come to school today.
Octavia poked at her uninspired lunch. She could only imagine that the reason for Trixie’s absence was sitting across from her.
Vinyl bobbed her head rhythmically, blissfully unaware of anything that didn’t sound like it had gone through a robotic blender/dishwasher combo, twice.
After her encounter with Trixie, Octavia had washed her hands of the whole affair. If Trixie wanted to disregard good advice, then Octavia wasn’t going to force the issue. Nor had she told Vinyl about what was going on. Octavia was done with all of it.
It wasn’t her fault that Trixie insisted on setting herself up for disappointment. Obviously that was why Trixie was missing. Well, good. For all Octavia cared, if she ever saw Trixie again it would be too soon.
As though summoned by some sixth sense for the opportunity to aggravate her, Octavia spotted Trixie on the far side of the lunchroom.
Trixie stood half hidden behind the door leading into the cafeteria and was staring right back at Octavia, well, not at Octavia herself. After all, Trixie had made it painfully clear she was beneath her notice. Which left only one other person at the table, Vinyl; who was as blissfully unaware as ever.
“Ah, there she is.” Octavia said to Vinyl, who just nodded along to the beat. Octavia squinted. “I would venture that she is here to deride you for ‘standing her up’ last Saturday. I had hoped she would come to realize the futility on her own.”
Still, that Trixie’s presence had eluded her until only now struck Octavia as strange. Had Trixie been attending school all morning after all? it couldn't be, Trixie always made her presence known one way or another. That was just an inescapable consequence of her boisterous confidence in everything she did.
Trixie didn’t look nearly as confident now.
Octavia couldn’t see her very well from this far away, but it was clear she was conflicted. Trixie would take a tentative step through the door, just to lose confidence and withdraw, disappearing fully behind the door for a minute before she would try again.
“What is she doing?” Octavia wondered aloud. “It’s not like her to be so indecisive.”
Eventually, Trixie disappeared behind the door and didn’t come back out again.
The rest of the day was as uneventful as the morning had been. If Trixie was still in the school building, then Octavia didn’t notice her.
Of course, it wasn’t to last.
When Octavia and Vinyl entered the cafeteria the following day, Trixie was already there, sitting at their regular table, in her regular place. Well, ‘regular’ might not have been the best word for it, given the irregular frequency of Trixie’s visits, but it was the seat next to Vinyl’s regular spot.
As they sat down, Trixie visibly stiffened and glanced over to Vinyl. Without a word, Trixie turned her attention back to her own tray, silently stirring a spoon through her mashed potatoes, though she didn’t eat a bite of it.
Octavia observed Trixie for a time. Normally, the girl rarely sat still long enough to get a good look at her.
The first thing Octavia noticed was that, although diminutive to begin with, Trixie looked much smaller than usual. It wasn’t merely that her downward gaze kept her head lowered, rather than proudly raised. No. While Trixie normally used her arms to claim much of the space around her with wild gestures, now they were nervously tucked in close to her body. Almost as if she was cold.
It was strange to see her so quiet and subdued.
“Are you just going to sit there?” Trixie asked, suddenly.
Octavia startled.
“You owe Trixie an apology.” Trixie said while giving Vinyl an impatient look. She didn’t even seem to notice Octavia, again. “You forgot we had plans, didn’t you?”
Vinyl nodded.
“Ugh, of course you did.” Trixie started sculpting her neglected mashed potatoes with the spoon. “Trixie swears sometimes it is like you don’t listen to a word she says. Well? Are you sorry?”
Vinyl nodded.
“Good. The Generous and Forgiving Trixie will overlook your negligence just this once.”
Barely resisting the sudden urge to headbutt the table, Octavia rolled her eyes. How anyone could be this dense was a question for the ages.
“Any ordinary person would feel terribly betrayed, you know.” Trixie muttered, sounding no less tense than she had from the outset. “You should be grateful that Trixie is so great she immediately deduced the situation correctly and had no desperate need for your phone number. For she would never spend a whole weekend bouncing between sorrow, anger and concern for your safety. You understand?”
Vinyl nodded.
“Though even Trixie would not normally stand for such a heartless insult, she...she...” Trixie went quiet.
An uncharacteristic lull in the conversation prompted Octavia to look over and take stock of the situation. Trixie was taking rapid, shallow breaths. She’d let go of her spoon, leaving the potato star sculpture half unfinished.
“S-she really values you,” Trixie managed to squeak out. “M-maybe she doesn’t say this often enough… but Trixie isn’t sure how she would have gotten by this past year if it wasn’t for you. Nobody else seems to want to listen to her, but Trixie could always talk to you about anything. Do you realize how much that meant to her?”
Vinyl nodded.
“Good. You’re Trixie’s best friend, Vinyl,” Trixie sucked in a shaky breath, “but you didn’t hear a thing Trixie said just now, right?”
Vinyl nodded.
Vinyl nodded.
Vinyl nodded.
Octavia’s chest tightened as, perhaps for the first time, Trixie looked at Vinyl. Really looked at her, not one of those quick glances for confirmation or to check if Vinyl was still there. There was no escaping it now: Vinyl’s rhythmic nodding.
Her eyes glued on Vinyl, Trixie showed a weak, faltering smile. “And you never did?”
Vinyl nodded.
Vinyl nodded.
Vinyl nodded.
“I know… now.” With a whimper, Trixie turned away from Vinyl and slumped down on the table, pushing the tray out of her way. She ran her hands over her head. “The boring girl wasn’t the idiot, after all… right?”
Vinyl nodded.
If Trixie wasn’t so pitiful, Octavia might have taken offense to that. As it was though, it struck her less as an insult and more as Trixie conceding the point, in her own aggravating little way.
“Maybe Trixie should pull those stupid headphones off.” Looking over at Vinyl, Trixie rested her head on one arm and muttered. “Trixie would make you listen to her. Maybe we’ll be friends for real. Or maybe. Maybe you’ll be like everyone else?”
Vinyl nodded.
Trixie looked at the headphones and reached out her free hand. However, halfway towards them her hand trembled and she pulled back. Staring at her shaking hand, Trixie grumbled something under her breath that Octavia couldn’t make out, but it seemed to be directed at herself.
“Trixie’s never gonna know.” Trixie sighed, looking up at Vinyl. “Maybe that’s okay. She’d rather not know if it could have been real. She’s okay with just… thinking so. It’s your loss, really. You’d have loved the Great and Powerful Trixie for a best friend, right?”
Vinyl nodded.
“Yeah, thought so.” She gave a sad chuckle then got up from the table. The guy behind her flinched. “It was nice to think I had a friend I could talk to. So, thanks… for listening… or, well, for not listening, I guess.”
Despite Trixie’s attempt at putting up a brave front, her voice was shaky. It was obvious to Octavia that she was on the verge of tears.
Trixie turned away. “G-goodbye.”
Rubbing her sleeve along her face, Trixie walked off.
Before Octavia even realized what she was doing she stretched out a hand and called after her. “Trixie, wait!”
Octavia couldn’t let it end like this. Trixie was clearly hurt and without Vinyl she had nobody to talk to about it. If all Trixie really needed was a listening ear, then it wasn’t as if letting Trixie talk to her was all that different from being at the table every time she spoke to Vinyl.
Trixie froze mid step. She rubbed her eyes with her sleeve quickly then looked back with a surprised look on her reddened face. “What? Where did you come from?”
“Me?” Octavia blinked. “I’m always here. I, I was listening an—”
"Huh..." Trixie rubbed the back of her head. "You blend in with the background so well, Trixie must not have noticed you at all. Anyways, stop listening in like a perverted lawn gnome from now on. What do you want? Trixie is busy."
“I, well, I...” Octavia faltered.
In the following moment of stillness between them, Octavia reconsidered. Was this really a good idea? It wasn’t a fluke that everyone Trixie actually spoke to dropped her like a bad habit. Her longest lasting relationship had been with what had been in essence a deaf yesman. A yesman that Trixie couldn’t even be bothered to speak to unless she needed something.
Trixie obviously needed someone to talk to but… did it have to be her?
Even if by some miracle this worked, what would it even be like to have ‘The Great and Powerful’ Trixie as a friend? Octavia had exactly one interaction with her and within minutes Trixie had dragged them both into the centre stage, with everybody staring at them. That kind of attention Octavia only wanted when she was performing.
Oh, gosh, what about when she was performing? Trixie was so socially tonedeaf that if she was in the audience when Octavia was performing a recital, she would probably cheer for her! Utterly unaware of the disapproving stares she’d get and embarrass Octavia to death! She’d be ousted from any further chances to perform!
Octavia slowly lowered her hand back down to the table.
This was social suicide.
Through Octavia’s crisis of faith, Trixie had been quietly standing there, staring back at her. Waiting, or, perhaps, hoping.
Octavia averted her eyes. “...You forgot your tray.”
Trixie glanced down at the forgotten tray on the table. “Oh… right.” With an almost robotic stiffness, she picked up the tray. “Thanks. Trixie wouldn’t want to cause,” her eyes darted to Octavia, “another mess.” After lingering just a moment, she turned away again and walked off.
Octavia slumped in her chair, despite not having moved a muscle, she felt as though she’d run a marathon. Her heart was thumping in her chest and sweat pooled in her palms as she watched Trixie’s retreat. “...She wasn’t talking about the tray, was she?”
Vinyl nodded.
Great work once again, you got me to feel bad for Trixie, she seems to really want to be Vinyl's friend.
Dang it Trixie, just swallow that accursed pride of yours! Octavia, a genuine and decent human being, tried to help you in the past, even when you were being terrible, and is willing to help you now. Just talk to her!
*deep breathe*
Alright. I feel better.
In all seriousness, another good chapter. Keep up the good work.
BRAVO!
Poor Trixie. Poor Octavia too.
And something makes me want to whack Vinyl in the backside of her head.
Awww... I'm so sad now Poor Trixie.
Nicely done.
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Damnit Trixie.......... rs1156.pbsrc.com/albums/p570/bolemis/131723914933.gif~c200
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If it makes you guys feel any better, Trixie has no idea who Vinyl actually is since she never once actually spoke to her. Trixie just thought she knew her. The real Vinyl is probably completely different from how Trixie images her, and Trixie knows that.
...Wait, that just makes it worse, sorry.
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The Great and Powerful Trixie swallow her pride? Never!
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Thank you!
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7767607 No problem.
7767607
Ow... my feelings man.
*Hugs Trixie*
SHE NEEDS HUGS!
7767607 I see, can't wait to see what is next.
7767607 Eh. It ain't a Gibbs Slap, but it'll do.
Oh boy, you really worked to tug on the heartstrings in this chapter, huh?
First of all, I want to express that I really liked the idea of Octavia realizing how small Trixie looked. I just pictured that scene as a real moment when Octavia is, in a way, finally looking at Trixie in the same way she keeps telling Trixie to look at Vinyl. It could be argued that Octavia has been looking at Trixie pretty shallowly, seeing only what she wants or expects to see. She knows that Trixie is annoying and some kind of social pariah so she doesn't REALLY see what kind of person Trixie must be to keep coming back to someone like Vinyl for support. I mean, the signs that Trixie is almost TERMINALLY lonely aren't exactly subtle, but Octavia spent the previous chapters mostly chalking any reason Trixie might have had for pursuing such a one-sided friendship up to Trixie being such an egomaniac that all she wanted in a relationship was a yes man. In fact, thinking on it some more, Octavia has a very interesting mindset in these chapters that you're able to express because she is our narrator.
Octavia seems to take Trixie's annoying presence personally. Of course, Trixie is pretty frustrating in general, but whenever Octavia thinks about Trixie being around her thoughts tend to revolve around how much Trixie being around is frustrating to Octavia personally. She doesn't think very much (at least in the narrative) about how Trixie is annoying to others or how this might upset Vinyl or whatever. Of course, this may just be a narrative bias because of the nature of the story, but it led me to an interesting thought. And that thought is that Octavia thinks an awful lot about Trixie.
Of course, again, there is a lot of bias because of the windows of the story, but Octavia doesn't really think much about Vinyl or any of her other friends in much capacity in the story nor does she think much about anything else she might be doing at school. This leaves her as a bit of a blank slate character outside of the three things we know about her.
1. Octavia is annoyed by Trixie.
2. Octavia is a musician.
3. Octavia is possibly friends with but is at least comfortable with talking to Vinyl.
Man, I really feel like I'm going off the reservation here, but hear me out. We know that Trixie is socially inept, but what if Octavia isn't exactly as refined as she leads the reader to believe either. It doesn't escape me that as sad as it is that Trixie spends her time venting to a silent yes man, Octavia regularly spends her lunches with a friend that she doesn't communicate with either. She doesn't speak sign language (or so I assume, otherwise they might have communicated this way in the previous chapter where Vinyl acknowledged that she didn't know Trixie), Vinyl is always listening to her music during lunch which renders her mute AND deaf, and Vinyl is so absorbed in her music that she doesn't notice Trixie's admittedly bombastic behavior right next to her much less the friend she has sitting right in front of her.
Of course, this might just be the relationship the two of them have. There's nothing wrong with that but it allows for the possibility that, given Octavia's own touchiness about being forgotten or boring, Octavia might not be that popular either. In fact, it is possible that Octavia might only be higher on the social scale than Trixie because Trixie has committed some social sin that we (and probably Trixie admittedly) is unaware of. At least Trixie is memorable, Octavia doesn't seem to have that (or not, admittedly I'm stretching here). It just struck me as funny that Octavia was so certain that in offering a hand to Trixie that Trixie would immediately become best friends with her and follow her to all her concerts and embarrass her. Trixie might certainly do this, but doesn't it strike you as kind of a immature thought? Like someone who isn't really comfortable with the many permutations and boundaries of friendship that exist might have? I could picture a little kid thinking "And I'll just say hi, and we'll become friends and she'll come to all of my concerts and I'll go to all of her magic shows and we'll be best friends!". It makes me think that Octavia might be lonely as well. Which would make an interesting foil against Trixie if the story were to go that way.
It might allow Octavia a chance to see HERSELF in a different light when she confronts the reality of Trixie's situation. Personally, I've experienced something like this. It's sad to say that some of the people that have annoyed me most in life are people that remind me of my own personal flaws. It isn't fair to them, but I can't help the almost visceral reaction to being confronted with a part of myself that I feel so uncomfortable with.
But enough about that wild speculation. Let's move onto some other stuff.
I had a question while reading this and I didn't think it was very clear or I missed it. Is Trixie just physically smaller than most girls? I know that Octavia observed that Trixie SEEMED smaller because she was being less grandiose with her gestures and body language, but when you described this scene I got the impression that it was more than that but I wasn't sure. It feels interesting to me to think of Trixie with one more complex on her mind related to her height and size. Trixie is physically small so she acts out a grander personality to make up for it in any way she can. Maybe she's younger than the other girls in her grade? Not like prodigy younger but maybe just like barely made the cut to join Kindergarten younger? It doesn't really matter but a small, vulnerable Trixie really tugged at my Lyras (my Heartstrings).
Obviously this chapter we reached a climax regarding Trixie's relationship with Vinyl. Honestly, as usual, Trixie reacts much more maturely that people give her credit for. She must have been VERY hurt and even after she realizes that it is in no way Vinyl's fault she can't bring herself to actually be ANGRY at the girl that admittedly helped her through what sounds to be a trying year. I've personally been through something of a betrayal like this before and I'm not proud to say that I did a lot of yelling and it was a long time before I really got over it. I worry that without a friend base, this could really, REALLY hurt Trixie. In a way that is really tough to come back from. It sounds like she doesn't get much support. I'm very interested in seeing where she goes from here. Does she go back to her usual self? Does she TRY to go back to her usual self but finds it tough? Does she just give up here and wither away in the background for the rest of highschool? I've always found your Trixie to be pretty tough, so I kinda doubt it would be the third option, but I could certainly see her withering for a while and never quite making it back to the bombastic Trixie she was. Alternatively, I could see her just getting crazier and possibly nastier as she cries out harder for attention. Neither is particularly palatable. Hang in there Trixie!
I'll stop here before I end up just writing a chapter of baseless speculation, and wrap it up with the observation that you mentioned this story won't be much longer. I'm looking forward to see how you wrap it up! I kinda just assumed that this was going to go the way of Forest Retreat, so some of my speculation might have reflected that more long term storytelling, but I've enjoyed the story as is. I'm also dying to see if Vinyl ever learns about her best-friendship with Trixie. The way this story is going, I really doubt she will and if she does it probably won't make it into the story but still. It's pretty funny to me. And even if this is just a short story, that doesn't preclude a second short story some time in the future if the fancy really strikes.
I'm very flattered that you think so highly of theorycrafting. It is honestly the only way I can really think to express to authors how much I appreciate their work. I know it is often baseless and rambling, but I'm glad you like it. I look forward to your next chapter.
Thank you very much!
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I am such a drama queen that Rarity has asked for her crown back.
You know what's funny? In the early drafts, Octavia wasn't even there.
The story was just from Trixie's perspective, talking to a wall (Vinyl). As I was writing it, I was having trouble finding a voice for the narration and then Octavia just kind of showed up and the story became her perspective as an experiment. It very quickly became apparent that made it so much better and more interesting to write.
I can't imagine the story without her now, it's as much (or more) Octavia's story as it is Trixie's. Which is a little weird, considering I have never read a single story that was about Octavia so the only snippets of personality I had to base her on was basically whatever I could remember of seeing this last year:
And this
I'm genuinely scared to look at any Octavia stories now for fear of seeing how wrong I portrayed her. Especially given you already made me realize I gave her nearly no personality beyond:
Which is kind of confronting.
I like where your head is at.
Though I will take a moment to point out that Octavia hanging out with a silent friend may also be related to her desire for peaceful lunches and Vinyl respecting that desire.
Of course, that may be just what she's 'leading the reader to believe.'
Meanwhile, on the reservation:
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Trixie is physically smaller than most girls.
Well, both actually. As you noted, in the current chapter Octavia's observation of the seemingly smaller Trixie is due to her being less grandiose, but in the previous chapter Octavia made note of Trixie being physically smaller when they stood face to face in the hallway.
I absolutely love the idea of Trixie being physically lesser than her peers. It does so many things for her. It makes her being loud and boisterous akin to a cute little yipping puppy. It makes it so that when she's down she's that much more vulnerable and vanishing. It gives her additional motivation to appear larger than life. It gives her natural underdog status. It makes her twice as cute and huggable. Etc etc etc. derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/8/25/707659__safe_shipping_humanized_blushing_lesbian_trixie_open+mouth_maud+pie_fangs_tsundere.png
As soon as I saw this image centuries ago, it became my permanent headcanon that Trixie is small in comparison to other girls. It is not only absolutely adorable, but it also serves as excellent fuel for some measure of her inferiority complex.
As for why... maybe she is younger as you suggested. Or perhaps she never hit her growth spurt. Maybe she was sickly as a kid. Any number of options really. I'll admit I haven't decided on one.
My editor occasionally recommends that I write something short for a change and this was the result. I would figuratively die if I had to maintain two stories of Trixie's Forest Retreat length.
I am sorely tempted to continue writing in this universe, but I have to recognize that part of what made it so enjoyable to write this is the fact that I don't have to think as much about ensuring the implications of every detail or action I write line up with what I have planned, since I won't be stuck with it forever.
If, after I'm done with this, I write another EQG Trixie story, it probably won't be an official sequel to this one, though mostly just so I can claim "Alternate Universe" if something in that hypothetical story doesn't line up with something that happened in this one.
I'll let you in on a trade secret, theoycracfting is fantastic because it allows an insight into the implications of a lot of the things the author wrote that they maybe didn't even think about previously, and sometimes some of that stuff is way better than what the author had planned originally and actually makes the future chapters more interesting than they would have been.
Thank you.