Johnathan got up from what was left of the mountain that he was thrown into. There wasn't much of it left now. He then faced the monster that had thrown him into the mountain. It was absolutely enormous! Johnathan was at an average height of 6'3", whereas the monster was easily half the size of the mountain that had used to be there.
When Johnathan got to his feet he grimaced as he tried to move his leg. 'Damn', he thought,' leg's broken.'
He was unable to keep his balance and fell down onto the ground that was completely destroyed from his battle with the monster that was in front of him.
The monster laughed and then spoke in a booming raspy voice "Did you really think that you would have a chance to defeat me? After everything that I did to you and all that I did to all that you know and love, why do you still fight? What is the point? Why don't you just kneel and beg for forgiveness instead of drawing this one sided battle out any longer?"
Johnathan just looked up at the monster and said one word that surprised every living thing in the area. He weakly but firmly said, "never"
The monster didn't hide his astonishment, he simply replied as if nothing happened "I didn't know that you could speak. The rumors that I've herd said that you couldn't."
Johnathan smugly looked at the monster and said in a condescending tone, "There are a lot of things that you don't know about me."
There were seven large gasps as the monster showed what he was hiding from Johnathan this whole time. Six brightly colored ponies and a creature that looked like it had gone under lab experimentation.
They all looked at his beaten body that didn't look too pretty anymore. All of them except the experimented creature started to cry seeing the state of his body. A chunk of flesh from the top of his right arm was missing, his left eye was swollen shut, the glasses that he used to wear were destroyed beyond repair, his right leg was broken, his nose was broken as well, he also had a broken left arm. All except the disfigured creature in the bubbles started to cry, however it was on the brink of tears from what Johnathan saw. Johnathan just smiled and said in a sweet yet unconvincing tone,"I will see you guys after this is all over and we can all have a nice long talk about this." He emphasized the word talk.
He turned towards one of the bubbles in specific and said,"Aren't you going back on your word to say that you would never frown again as long as I'm alive?"
The brightly colored pony just looked at him with tears staining its coat and said in a soft tone,"But that is why I am sad, because you are dying."
Johnathan just said firmly,"I will have none of that. You can cry when I'm dead, not before."
Johnathan tried to stand up again using some of the debris from the mountain for help. The ponies in the bubbles all gasped at how high his threshold for pain was. The monster noticed this and then yelled angrily,"Why do you still fight?!?! You've already lost! You can't do anything to stop your fate!"
The monster then lifted its hand, that was easily larger than Johnathan himself, then backhanded him destroying the rock that he was leaning against as well. The ponies screamed as he flew to the other side of the small town that had been destroyed during the fight between the two.
Johnathan tried to get up but quickly fell down onto his hands and knees coughing up some blood in the process. The ponies seeing this started to cry even harder than they had been before. Whereas the strange creature just started to cry seeing his friend slowly but surely dying.
When he finally looked up he saw that the beast had made its way over to him. Johnathan tried to get up again so that he might be able to defend himself from the monsters attack. One of the ponies in the bubbles started to quietly say,"Just stay down. Please don't be a hero."
However when the monster saw that he was trying to get up it hit the ground with one of its paws. The ground shook so much that Johnathan lost his balance again and fell to the ground face first once again. Everyone in the bubbles could only watch in horror that he had fallen to the ground yet again. Whereas this time it didn't look like he was going to be getting up any time soon.
Not wanting to waste any more time in this fight the monster picked up his half-dead, prone, opponent. The then monster spoke in its booming voice,"You still fight for something that has already been lost for all of eternity. I must ask...Why?"
"Whether I'm crazy or I actually have a motive worth fighting for. My question is "Do you really care," Johnathan inquired.
The monster chuckled darkly,"You're right, I really don't care."
The monster then opened its mouth as wide as it could. Johnathan knew what was to come. He just hung there in the monster's claw and thought of all that he had done in the town that he only lived in for one year. He thought of all the happy times that he had in the town that now lay demolished from the battle that he and the monster had. Lastly he thought of all the friends that he had made here that he wouldn't be able to say goodbye to.
Interesting story.
When I first saw it, I was thinking (oh crap. It's another one of those dang human in equestria stories) but this honestly gave me a different feeling.
I enjoyed it, much better then most first stories and infinitely better then many human in eq stories.
Aside from that, there were some problems.
I'm only going to criticize you because I want to bring out your best.
There were some grammar errors and some lack of detail, as well as some interestingly confusing areas. But it was good, 6.5\10.
I'll be watching!
You are WAY too descriptive, but the idea is okay (grossly overdone but okay). Stop describing every detail and let the reader use their imagination because this was just much too boring to read. I'd give it 2.5 stars.
Okay I have got a couple things to say. First thank you for the three up-votes in the first day of viewing for this story. Second, it might take me a while to come out with the second chapter but I will work as hard as I can on it until the the next chapter is uploaded. Third, I will be making a jump back in time to when all of this began so ... stay tuned. I will also try to lighten the mood in that chapter with a little comedy. Until then, see you later.
Well this shows some promise, definetly needs a lot of work though if you want to stand up to all the other HiE's, there were quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes, awkward sentances and so on so I suggest that you get an editor/pre-reader ASAP. On another not I find this chapter to be of an apropriate length for a prologue (I mean the prologues to some of my favourite books barely last a page) but future chapters will need to be of a length truly deserving of the title Chaper, so at least a couple pages worth.
Looking forward to future chapters.
Allstar