You are the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe. And you are capable of amazing things. Because you are the reader. And you bring our worlds to life.
One day, it becomes too much, and Spike bites Twilight. Not only do they now have to deal with the hurt between them both, but something even stranger has come up.
Twilight could handle her fur starting to go brittle, and the sudden moulting of her wings. But when she started to have...cravings, she realised something more was wrong. Something bigger than a simple argument.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So awesome
Love this story hope more soon
ME WANTS MOAR!!!
Wait let me put this on my favorites wait no it goes to my tracking folder
meh. seems interesting so far. i'll be looking forward to more chapters.
This needs some reason for happening. I'm not just going to accept that they are randomly angry and fighting for no reason and outta nowhere spike is biting her.
I won't downvote this becuase I'm curious as to where this idea leads, but this story doesn't have a substance yet, and seriously needs one, at least one that makes sense.
Your writing style is good though, so keep going.
It's a bit rough around the edges but I like it. Can't wait to see where this story's going
5429317 Of course there's a reason for their fight.
I don't want to mess with your writing style, but can you make a longer chapter name than '1'? It's hard to click on a link that small, especially with a very sensitive mouse.
Odd start, but then again that is the hardest part of a story. I personally think Twilight needs to treat Spike with a little more respect, in fact all the mane six don't seem to realize how cruel they can be to him at times.
The premise seems promising enough, but I am afraid that this chapter needs work. It feels like you started off in one direction at the start of the chapter, but then abruptly stopped and restarted in a completely new direction, leaving me confused. Twilight's behavior is erratic too. She goes from being an alpha bitch to something more akin to her canon personality.
And if I can be perfectly honest, the "Spike gets treated like crap and he can't take it anymore" trope is not only done to death, but has very little basis in show canon. Keep in mind I am not opposed to you writing an emotional slice of life in which Spike loses his temper and bites Twilight; I'd very much like to see where this goes. What I am opposed to is the reason he loses his temper here, namely the above mentioned "Spike is abused" trope, as that usually results in Twilight and even the entire Mane Six acting out-of-character.
So here is my suggestion to you: Rewrite the argument to be about something other than the chores he does. You could still use the castle-sitting idea; perhaps he'd made plans to look for gems with Rarity and has been looking forward to it all week, but then something came up so now Twilight has to go to Canterlot for the weekend? That could be what sets off the argument. Tempers flare, stuff gets said that shouldn't have been said, and finally as Spike turns to storm off, Twilight reaches out to turn him back around, and he bites her hoof in a snap-reaction.
I look forward to seeing where the story goes from here.
5429731 I am planning to explain why Twilight and Spike are on edge, but your idea about Twilight forcing Spike to turn sounds like a decent idea. I went for the 'no exits' due to the fact that if a creature is cornered with no exits they normally resort to fight. You know, fight or flight.
I am kinda disappointed you slightly guessed my plan though.
Were dragon?
There dragon, there castle!
*watches that reference go down in flames* Kids these days.
5429462
Yes, but you have to show it first and it has to make sense. As 5429731 said, it currently is very OOC for both characters to suddenly be acting like this. Spike is angry because... ?, and Twilight goes from being a jerk about it, to being a smiling jerk when she learns she's going to be leaving. Neither of the characters are like that in the show, and would only be that way if something happened between them that would cause it.
And so I hope to see some changes and additions to this chapter at least, and I really look forward to what happens in the next chapters.
Good luck!
5429986 My mom always said, were wolf? There wolf! There castle!
5429798 I did?
MOAR NAOW
5 bucks she's pregnant
5432168 Uh no.
5432177 love story them?
5432193 No.
5432302 when is the next one coming out
5432425 Tonight.
This is good hope more soon
5429986
Putting on the ritz.
Six months? So Twilight essentially told him to cancel six months of his life. No wonder Spike was pissed. Hmm, how long has behaviour like this been going on I wonder? If he's essentially been treated like he's going to do everything for Twilight for all those months, then he has every right to get angry. Especially when Twilight begins think Spike's acting like a spoiled brat. When you ask someone to drop something that they spent six months to do, no, expect it to happen, then Twilight's the one acting like a spoiled brat.
Is shit about to hit the fan?
im likin this
5432780 I thought it did back in chapter 1?
So judging by the description, dragon-ness is spread the same way zombie-ness and vampirism are?
5432698
No, it seemed more that he wouldn't get a refund (Or a complete one, at least) and it would take him another six months to save enough for what he had planned
5433975 Either way, It was still a dick move and seemed to have been a reoccurring thing for Twilight to do.
5433975 That's what I meant, he lost six months of work because she told him to cancel his plans.
5434243
Oh, it sounded more like you were saying he was gonna work the next six months straight.
Okay ... this while interesting (and Spike really needs to put his foot down from all the neglect and abuse he's been getting over the Seasons). Deserves a giant huh?! While I get that Tirek made dragons via Rainbow of Darkness there's nothing that shows dragons being transferable via bite ... although that would explain the Princess unicorn foalnapping, and why there are so few female dragons if females are made from bitten mares/fillies.
Although Twilight had it coming. Being bitten that is. Especially mentally placing him as a lesser creature and a possession than an equal, intelligent being. And calling him a baby, yet shouldering jobs on him that'd burn out full grown stallions.
5433579
Who knows what chaotic badness are left over from the Rainbow of Darkness Tirek used to make dragons out of ponies ... maybe? I wonder if that'd make Twilight under Spike's thrall.
5432698
Honestly in canon she treats him like an indentured servant, and never thinks about how he feels about thing (standing out in a thunderstorm holding a lightning rod and chuckling when he gets hit; Owlicious and not talking to him about the reason for that owl until after he almost gets eaten; making him do the job of several stallions, since probably before S1E1 if her attitude towards him is any indication; the list goes on).
Destroying 6 months of hard work and planning with caring about him is very in character for her.
5434806 After all the crap he's gone through already? Why in the world would I suggest that?
5434935
It could be some lingering effect from her acension, as well, like her physical matrix isn't completely settled and the bite left some lingering magic, since Dragons are often thought to be heavily imbued with it.
Of course, with something like that, it could mean Fluttershy would be open to change after her Bat episode...
The chapter endings are a bit sudden, but I like where this is going.
5432434
When will the next chapter will come out?
5452565 When I have time.
Hey, are you still going to do the other chapters or are you busy doing other stories because i would love to see how this story goes.
5799075 Sorry, still busy writing loopy.
It's ok, are you almost done finishing loopy?
5799207 30 loops to go.
Well, wood luck.
5799355 Thanks
5434953
I'm pretty sure that some of these things are from "Friendship is Witchcraft" or similar.
5432780 are you a dead man, dead man?