- Member Since 28th Jun, 2014
- offline last seen January 3rd
Corpulent Brony
Creator of horse related videos, manager of /mlp/odcast, editor for Horse News #NotAMeme
Corpulent Brony
Joined 28th Jun, 2014 ·
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- hell00001 · 3.7k words · 40 3 · 1.2k views
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o bby
Not bad, but not particularly good either. I feel that you rushed into the intimacy, and then sped through that as well. Also there is no real description of the characters, so I can't really imagine them very well. It is still a cute story overall.
10/10
Would read again.
5451652 thanks for the criticism! It's obvious I didn't spend too much time on it, I suppose I could have fleshed the situation out more. I basically took the initial prompt I received and filled in the details, without expanding very much.
5451671
It is not bad, I like the idea: friends becoming more than just friends. I do commend you for keeping the tense consistent, it is not something I see very often in fan fics ( or in my English classes either)
Short, but I didn't notice any glaring errors that would have killed the mood. All in all, a fun little read. You definitely earned your like, CB.
got nothing else to do, might as well read this.
EDIT: This was a good story, I didn't notice any typos or anything. Good work laddie.
I FOUND IT
5643042
yay! did you have fun?
>>Corpulent Brony
Yeah, was an enjoyable little read.
SoleJakey in the house.
GG M8......GG
I REALLY wish I could give this story multiple likes. I absolutely loved it.
Is the second chapter still being made?
How is this " Incomplete"?
9347520
We are planning another chapter. I guess the story itself is complete if the second chapter were a new story.
I love this story so much it’s so cute I can’t wait for the next chapter