Fluttershy politely listened to Twilight’s opening song, feeling that she owed her friend far more than that. As Pinkie took the stage, she quietly sulked out of the reception and into the empty sections of the royal gardens. She hated large crowds, even in the best of times, and with the day’s events she didn’t particularly feel like being around a big crowd. Had she not seen fit to see the bride and groom off, she would have slinked right off to her suite and gone to bed.
She hadn’t been paying the greatest attention to where she was going, so she didn’t notice the statue she was walking toward until she was right in front of it. It was Discord, still frozen in stone, his face still stuck in the same horrified expression.
She looked at the statue, shivers running down her spine. She had suffered the least from Discord’s games, she had been brainwashed rather than broken after all, but any amount of time around the draconequus was enough to drive anypony mad. The thought of all that cruelty, that sadism, twisting and corrupting her mind...it still caused her stomach to lurch.
She had lost track of how long she had stared at the statue before a voice called behind her. “Fluttershy?”
The yellow pegasus gave a small cry and whirled around. However, her panic quickly subsided when she saw who it was.
Iron Will stood before her, looking the same as he did when she had last seen her a few months ago. However, at the same time, for reasons Fluttershy couldn’t quite grasp, he looked different. He had the same blue coat, the same horns, and, she assumed, the same muscular build underneath his tuxedo.
Then it hit her: it was his attitude. His shoulders were slumped, bags were now under his eyes, and his face wore the expression of a minotaur with a lot on his mind.
“Iron Will,” she remembered to return the greeting. “Um, it’s nice to see you again.”
“Likewise,” he responded, in a calmer tone than Fluttershy had ever remembered him speaking in. “I’m glad you’re here, I was hoping for a chance to talk to you again.”
She blinked. He was speaking using pronouns. That was just another difference in his demeanor now. It was like an entirely new minotaur was standing in front of her. “Well, okay, but can we talk somewhere else? I really don’t want to be around...him,” she motioned to Discord.
“I can’t blame you for that,” he admitted. “Come on, let’s take a walk.”
Fluttershy followed the suggestion, all too eager to leave the area. The pair walked in silence for a while, until they finally came upon the royal hedge maze. Though this was the location where they had first met Discord in the flesh, it was a better alternative than being in front of Discord himself, so she didn’t complain as they entered.
They didn’t speak at first, opting instead to simply navigate the twists and turns of the labyrinth in silence. Finally, after a few turns Iron Will spoke. “Fluttershy, I wanted to apologize.”
She turned her head, tilting it at a confused angle. “Huh? You mean, for everything that happened a few months ago?”
“Yes,” he said, as softly as his deep voice would allow. “My seminar made you that way...you nearly lost your friends because of me. I...I caused you a lot of grief.”
Fluttershy was stunned. She had seen signs of this new attitude the last time she had spoken with the minotaur. After accepting that she wasn’t satisfied, he had left without a fight, only to return moments later, having thought to inquire why she wasn’t happy. She gave her reasons, gently but firmly, and once again he left without any fuss. This time, he had not come back. During that time, she could see the shock on his face, which seemed to be quickly replaced by worry and concern. She had felt bad, but assumed a creature with as much pride as him would be back to his old self quickly. But seeing him like this, months later, worried her.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” she assured. “You were only trying to help me, I just took it the wrong way. You can’t blame yourself for the things I did.”
“If it were only you, I’d believe that,” he sighed. “But after you refused to pay, I decided to go through my records and check on my other alumni. I wasn’t...pleased with the results.”
His companion couldn’t help but shiver. “Oh my, you mean others were acting the way I was?”
Iron Will didn’t answer in words, but simply hung his head and turned away. It told Fluttershy everything she needed to know.
“Do you know why I started my seminars on being assertive?”
The pegasus shook her head.
“Well, you might not believe this, but as a child I was bullied.”
Her eyes widened in shock. She didn’t believe it. “You? But you’re so big and strong!”
“I am now,” he told her simply, though there was a hint of pride in his voice at the compliment. “But as a child, I was small for my age. Every calf that was bigger than me would grind me into the ground. And if they weren’t doing that, they were calling me names, mocking me...” he trailed off.
Fluttershy lifted herself off the ground, putting a comforting hoof on his shoulder. “Believe me, I know how that feels,” she said. She tried not to think about it, but the cruel chant often sung to her in flight school still hurt to remember.
“Then, I just sprung up overnight. Went from being the smallest calf in my class to the biggest. Now every bully was inviting me to hurt the ones who hadn’t grown yet, but I had a better idea.”
“You decided to protect them instead,” the pegasus said sagely.
“Yes. I remembered how it felt to be treated that way. I did whatever I could to protect the ones that couldn’t protect themselves.”
Fluttershy flew up and patted him on the shoulder. “I have a friend named Rainbow Dash. She protected me from all kinds of bullies back in flight school. I don’t think I would have made it without her. Believe me, you did a lot of good doing that.”
Iron Will smiled, somewhat proudly. For a moment he seemed to regain some of his old attitude. “I eventually started my seminars because I wanted to help others who were in the same situation I was in as a calf. But I didn’t get enough business back home. Minotaur society is heavily based on combat anyway, so there weren’t many who needed my help.”
“So you came to Equestria,” she guessed.
“Exactly. I figured I was more needed in a more...peaceful area.” It was obvious he had to search for a term that was non-offensive. “I immediately set up shop and went to work. Everypony I helped was satisfied. I was beginning to become known. Then I met you.”
Fluttershy nodded to show she understood. He continued. “I found out...I was making ponies into the very thing I was trying to teach them to stand up to. I was only making things worse.” He slumped his back, looking more dejected. “I...think your friend was right to call me a monster.”
“No she wasn’t,” Fluttershy assured. “She was just upset. You’re not a monster.”
“I like your optimism,” Iron Will started, “but...”
“No buts,” she said firmly. “A monster would have been happy to cause all that trouble. A monster would have blamed something or somepony else for their mistake. You’re not doing either of those things. You just made a mistake, and it’s a mistake a lot of ponies make.”
Iron Will arched an eyebrow. “And what’s that?”
“Assuming the worse out of others,” she answered simply. “Ponies expect the worst out of others, and they act their worst in return. It teaches others to expect the worst too. That’s where so many problems come from. Everypony makes that mistake. I made it today.”
At this, her companion gave a surprised look. “You?”
Now Fluttershy was hanging her head in shame. “My friend Twilight saw through the Changeling Queen’s disguise. She tried to warn us. We assumed she was just being jealous that her brother was getting married. We hurt her very badly because of it.”
She was beginning to tear up. Iron Will tried putting a comforting hand on her, but it was awkward. He clearly wasn’t used to more intimate interaction.
She continued. “Then we did it again. When we went to apologize to her, we were all expecting her to be angry with us and to insult us, but she didn’t. She was very understanding, and I felt bad for thinking so little of her.”
“Um...there, there,” Iron Will said nervously, his inexperience showing.
At that point, Fluttershy realized she was bearing her soul to someone who had come to her for comfort. She quickly bit back her tears, trying to concentrate on helping Iron Will. “So you shouldn’t feel so bad. I made the same mistake today that you did. It doesn’t make me a bad pony.”
He scratched his chin a moment, thinking. “Wait, didn’t you make a mistake by not assuming the worst of the fake princess?”
The pegasus bowed her head, looking somewhat embarrassed. “Um, well, I guess I kind of did,” she muttered. Despite her desires, she started crying again. “It may seem strange after what I just said, but Twilight’s my friend, and she’s proven herself several times to be reliable, smart, and kind. I should have expected the best from her before I expected the best in a stranger.”
Iron Will rubbed the back of his head uncertainly, not sure what to say. “So that philosophy isn’t completely perfect.”
She shook her head slowly, trying in vain to keep her tears in. “If there ever was something that could perfectly tell somepony how to live, everypony would be completely happy. No, I tried assuming the best of a stranger, and I ended up hurting a friend because of it. And, you know, trying to see the best in everyone is why I see the worst in myself.”
The minotaur nodded. “You don’t stand up for yourself because you’re afraid to be the bad guy if you do.”
Fluttershy looked at him, tilting her head in mild surprise.
“They may have been flawed, but I did enough of those seminars to know how ponies think.”
She nodded in understanding. “You’re right. I was so worried about hurting others that I let them hurt me. When I used what you taught me, it felt so good...I started using it all the time, whether it was needed or not, and I hurt ponies because of it.” She was sobbing again.
“And that’s my fault,” Iron Will sighed. “I made you like that.”
“No,” Fluttershy said firmly, putting on her best stern expression, despite her tears. “I acted that way. I’m responsible for my own behavior. You cannot hold yourself accountable for my actions.”
“Fluttershy, I drove you to that. I may not be entirely to blame, but it’s still my fault anyway. We both made mistakes.”
Fluttershy widened her eyes in shock. Then she closed them and looked away. “Twilight said something like that,” she said. Her tears were flowing freely now. Pain was in her heart. “She said the way she tried to tell us, we had every right to think she was being jealous.”
Iron Will rubbed the back of his neck. “Well...do you think she has a point?”
“Yes,” she admitted. “But I still feel bad. We all do. I suppose we’re all trying to figure out who was right in all this.”
The minotaur sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t think morality can be figured out just like that. Applying logic to it doesn’t always work. My logic was when someone acts like a jerk, be a jerk right back, and it didn’t do too well. Your logic told you to assume the best from a stranger, and it hurt your friend in the process.”
The pegasus began to cry more, and Iron Will realized he worded his last sentence badly “But you shouldn’t be feeling so bad about it. From the sound of things, the only one to blame is the Changeling Queen.”
“She said something like that too,” Fluttershy sniffed, and Iron Will slapped his forehead in frustration.
“Well, um…” Iron Will racked his brain. Thinking wasn’t his strong suit. “You just made a mistake, like you told me, right? Everypony makes them. You shouldn’t be feeling so bad about making them.”
Fluttershy hung her head, though her tears slowed. “You know, before I met Twilight, I thought I knew everything there was about being kind. That everypony had good in them, and if you were kind long enough you would bring it out. Even Nightmare Moon turned out to be a good pony underneath it all. But I’ve learned a lot since then. I’ve met creatures like Discord who don’t seem to have any good in them at all, and I’ve realized there are ponies that you need to stand up to and be firm with. I realized that I still had growing to do. And today, I saw Princess Celestia make the same mistake I did. She’s lived for more than a thousand years, and she still has something to learn.”
At that point the pair turned a corner, and immediately stopped. The turn led to a dead end, but that wasn’t what caused them to halt.
Octavia and Vinyl Scratch were in one of the corners, still covered in the Apple Family’s cooking, their forelegs around each other, and their muzzles touching.
“Mmm...you’re beautiful when you’re covered in pastry,” the deejay swooned.
“That was stupid, it made no sense and…Sweet Celestia I’m so attracted to you right now!”
They returned to their kiss while, unseen to them, Fluttershy and Iron Will slowly backed away, around the corner. They made an about face and started walking in the opposite direction. After a moment, the minotaur spoke.
“Did you see...”
“No.”
“Me neither,” he agreed.
The pair walked in silence for a moment. Finally, Fluttershy spoke again.
“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that maybe there’s a lesson we both need to learn. You’re not a monster any more than I am. You made a bad decision, that’s all. Everypony makes them, from the time they’re in the crib. You’re only bad if you don’t acknowledge them, and grow from them. No matter how old you get, you’ll still have something to learn.”
Iron Will was silent for a moment. Then, he grinned. “I guess you’re right,” he said. “I mean, I did track down every pony I taught and at least tried to reeducate them.”
“There you go, you tried to fix your mistakes. And I’m sure your seminars are better than ever now.”
The minotaur grinned. “They caught the attention of Princess Celestia herself. That’s how I got an invitation to this wedding.”
“Well there you go. You’re not a monster, and you never were. You just had some growing to do. We all do.”
Iron Will smiled. “I guess you’re right. There’s no point in worrying about a mistake you made when you learn from it.”
“And do your best to fix it,” she added.
He nodded. “Still…it’s hard not to dwell on it.”
“It is,” Fluttershy sighed. “I’m going to feel awful for a long time for not believing Twilight, no matter how much she might try to tell me everything’s okay.”
“So, what will you do about it?” he asked.
“The only thing I can do: spend time with her, and let the guilt pass,” she answered sagely.
By now, they were back outside the maze, passing Discord’s statue again. She looked at the draconequus, another shiver running down her side. “We faced Discord together, and I don’t think any of us fully recovered. But we have gotten better, because we stuck together. This has hurt us too, but we will get through it.”
Iron Will smiled. Not a proud smile like he usually gave when congratulating himself, but a warm one, one that seemed so out of place on him. “I don’t doubt that.”
“Iron Will?”
“Yes?”
“Please start talking using your name again. You hardly sound like yourself without it.”
The minotaur grinned. “Well, Iron Will is not one to deny a lady a request,” he responded, giving a playful bow. Fluttershy giggled, blushing a little at her companion’s chivalric attitude.
At that point Twilight’s singing started up again. Fluttershy perked up, glancing in the direction of her friend’s voice. Seeing this, Iron Will offered his hand. “Would you like to dance?”
The pegasus faces him, her face turning red. She raised her hoof. “I…I’d like that.”
Man, writing a depressed Iron Will is no fun...next Iron Will apperance will have Iron Will in full on testosterone mode!
Also, there's no romance here. Fluttershy and Iron Will are dancing as friends, nothing more.
Pinkie Pie is next week!
FOR THE LOVE OF LUNA IM TRYING TO SLEEP!
I'm honestly pretty surprised at the appearance of Iron Will here. Nice talk between the two of them though.
So far the shiping is dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Soarin_dayum.png anddl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_Scratch.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia.png
... seems legit
Awesome. Just... brilliant.
Also, bring on the PINKIE!
Brilliant. Excellent work with Iron Will.
i noticed that fluttershy says people instead of ponies i'm asuming.
somewhere in the middle of their conversation.
Vinyl x Octavia x Apple pie ship?
Can I bring your attention to something, Link? Re-read Iron Will's last sentence. He's missing a word there.
Now, I must go ponder this piece. Maybe I'm a philosophy nut, but this actually got me thinking. Flutters and Will are characterized quite nicely, and the central premise is a good lesson for kids to learn. It'd be a pretty touching little episode if he came back and apologized, but I don't think Vinyl and Octavia's scene would quite make it onscreen I fully adore the thought in these pieces, so I'll put you in the "Future MLP Writers" folder for now.
Holy shit that was awesome
This all really should be an episode. That is all. How have you not been hired yet?
Hmmm. While I was surprised by the Iron Will apperance, I kind of wasn't as moved by this one was I was with the others. Not say it was bad, Fluttershy acted well and she wasn't bawling like some writers might make her. It's just out of Rarity's, Dash's, Celestia's and such I kind of find this one not as strong as others. Still, I love it!
Only thing that really through me off was Scratch and Octavia... really came out of nowhere.
KEEP WRITING BECAUSE I LOVE THIS!
Rated Out
671559 Actually, I found the calm/depressed Iron Will quite good, you did very well on that.
Now for Pinkie... is her hair gonna deflate? These stories are a bit sad after all.
EDIT: Oooh your story's on the feature box!
Have this moustache.
Very good so far. Very good indeed. Especially liked the Celestia chapter. If it wasn't for Soarin, I would have considered this perfect.
BRILLIANT.
IRON WILL!!!!!!!!!
God, that Minotaur was amazing. Loved his chara in the show.
671559
Could you still try to write a fic about IW and FS with romance in it? Cause so far there´s none about them though they would surely make an interesting couple to read about. Just give it a thought.
Will Spike comes next for not beliving his big sis/boss/sorta mom/best friend?
671692
Thanks for catching that.
671762
Thanks for catching that. And yeah, Octavia and Scratch wouldn't make the show, though I hope I kept them at an E rating.
671820
Eh, the older chapters were hard acts to follow. And yeah, Scratch and Octavia were ment to be kind of a BLAM moment, something to offset the angst a bit. I debated doing it or not, I decided to roll with it since I was worried everything was becoming too sad.
671917
Hmm...maybe, once this fic is over.
And no, Pinkie's next, then Spike.
So. Freakin. Cute!
672336
I already dealt with this in earlier comments: Offscreen Villainry, they were jerks anyway.
And messing with the elements...their action would have split up the group, which might have put a strain on their friendship. That would have been bad when the next Discord came around. And they knew full well they were driving the Apples out of business, so it's not like they were unknowingly doing it.
Seriously, if I had known how big a deal bringing up Flim and Flam would be, I wouldn't have done it.
Now, please, no one bring it up again. Please.
Okay, sorry if I'm a bit blunt, but I'm tired of it being brought up.
This is quite excellent. Investigating the moral of the original episode much more deeply and in more layers.... impressive character development. Iron Will was an interesting surprise as well.
Me, I'm desperately waiting to find out what the dealie is with Scootaloo.
672390
I'm glad you liked it! Don't worry, Scootaloo's time will come...soon.
Now who will Pinkie talk to (IS IT OCTAVIA AND VINYL SCRATCH)
672204 It was I suppose appropriate; just a terminal case of gutter-mind
Dammit!!! First the three magics has its final update now this? I HAVE 4 TESTS TOMORROW DAMN YOU XD I want next week to be here so pinkie has her spotlight! Heres a stache.
672204 umm i dont think spike was at the wedding or at least i dont remember him there
672986
He was there, he was the ringbearer, remember?
672993 nope!
im off to watch the last episode
That moment in the maze... Had me burst out laughing like a mad man. Good thing I'm by myself...
Good chapter, really like the character development of Iron Will. You've made him into a very interesting character.
Can't wait for more.
Aww no FlutterWill? Dang that has been a ship I always wanted to see.
Either way keep this up I eagerly await more.
Can't wait for more either!
673971
You and me two.^^
673546
Okay, I've edited the chapter again. Flim and Flam weren't arrested. Yeah, I forgot Flim and Flam didn't do anything really illegal, okay?
And I disagree, Flim and Flam were pretty clearly intending to run the Apples out of business from the start. Yes, the Apples were to prideful, I addressed that, but you can hardly blame them for what Flim and Flam did.
love what you did with fluttershy(my fav).Just cause shes timid pepoel tend to think she would breakdown all the time.And defenetly did not expect ironwill.
675114
I hoped that you aren't put off by all the nit-picking we readers did over the minor, non-plot relevant issue. If you are, I apologize for that.
Moving on, I look forward to your next chapter. I really want to see how you'll write Pinkie Pie. Speech patterns and all.
Great story, loved all of the chapters. At the moment I'm actually hoping that Twilight would just get angry and yell at them already, I can't see how she can so easily forgive all of her friends and her mentor just abandoning her like they did, even if she was acting crazy.
675711
Actually, I think the complaint against Flim and Flam was mostly legit. If I sound irritable, it's because real life has me irritated at the moment. It it spills over here, it's my fault, none of yours.
Once again another awesome chapter!!
Ohhh. Iron Will redeemed.
Makes me wonder if somepony might run into ?
That was actually pretty awesome, and that's coming from a guy with no background on Iron Will (I never did get to watch his episode... )
Anyway! I can't wait to read more of this utterly awesome series and possibly get my hands on the google-doc so I can print them and save them for all time. I have said my peace.
I do wonder what will you do with Vynil and Octavia Cameos in the next chapter, will the protagonist will be interrupted by his/her/their musings by the aparently orgasmics screams, moans, and groans that seems to come inside of a suspiciously shaking and leaf loosing bush and inmediatly back away from the zone?
Great chapter and exelent rendition of an apologizing Iron Will, I can say that you createt a new shipping pairing with this chapter
so far the ships are this:
Octavia/Vynil Scratch
Rainbow Dash/Soarin
Fluttershy/Iron Will
I'm getting inpatient to see what will you do in the next chapter
673546
this IS one of the recurring problems with the writers' attempts at getting a moral of the story. The story they make often undermines the moral.
If they wanted to punish trixie for bragging, they shouldn't have made her a showpony being hassled by hecklers-- and they shouldn't have made her a victim of somebody else's stupidity.
In Mare Do Well, Rainbow Dash's friends didn't even TRY talking to her, they just assumed she deserved to be humiliated for getting an ego about... risking her life saving other ponies from danger? And they think the best way to teach Dash a lesson was to dress up in flamboyant costumes and steal the spotlight from her?
Dragon Quest--- was the real message "home and family are where you're loved," or was it "girls are nice, boys are all rude crude jerks?"
I could go on.
Granted, they do a great job, all told. It's only in retrospect that the delivery of the moral in many of the stories is somewhat flawed.
676189
Low self esteem and her OCPD. On some level she has to be aware that she's, literally, a little bit crazy. this is why she constantly doubts herself
678631
Sure, but that doesn't mean that feelings don't get bottled up.
676418
To be honest, I'm a little afraid to use Trixie or Gilda. I've thought about using them in an atagonistic role (though they'd still be sympathetic) but considering the kick up the Flim Flam Brothers caused by a mere mention, I worry what's going to come of character I know have been debated on whether they were right or wrong.
677847
No, I'm trying to keep this at an "Everyone" rating. And Fluttershy/Iron Will isn't really in this, though I must admit, I'm intrigued by the pairing...
678624
Could we please avoid comments like this? Whether your points are legitimite or not, this isn't the time or place to discuss problems you have with the show. There's plenty of forums that you can discuss this at (I agree that their handling of Trixie and Mare Do Well was a bit botched, however...)
Just want to keep the conversation on track, thank you.
678631, 678636
Twilight own feeling will come to light very soon, don't worry.
Not bad. It is repetitive at times. Frustratingly so at times lol. Much like the movie Vantage Point if that's kind of the feel you're going for. The reasons they feel bad all seem to be fairly similar. Maybe throw in some more depth between the new friends they're making. All in all though, it was a good read. Ill keep and eye out for future posts! You have great potential.
Iron Will...that moment in the maze...oh yeah, thnis is what I call "unexpected and GREAT!". I really loved how you did this one. However, now you got me thinking what would be Fluttershy's thinking on all of this. And I could get it to this. She is the first one to react should something bad happen, but she is the first one to trust on the recovery on others, especially her friends. This is what happened when Discord tried to corrupt her by talking. He couldn't because she was the one who had more in touch who she was and who her friends were (even if it did show a bit of low self-esteem on her part, but it is somewhat who she is). I also liked how you put Iron Will, because I think that would be exactly what would happen. And again, awesome use of awkward moment. Simply hilarious!. Great chapter and see you on the next one!
675114
One of the perils of free enterprise is that someone can always come along who does the job better, faster, or cheaper, and often all three. That doesn't make either party the hero or the villain--- just free actors in an open market.
The thing that made the FlimFlam brothers villains,or more accurately unlikeable antagonists, is that they gloated about it. (passing thought: One has to question whether the Mayor had the legal authority to give EITHER party the "exclusive Cider-making contract" for Ponyville. The old gal just up and created a government-enforced monopoly!) I suspect that which side you come down on regarding the flim flam brothers is how you regard the concept of the word "Fair:" whether you think "fair" means that everyone works under the same rules, should bear the consequences of their own actions, and otherwise be left to their own devices; or whether you think it means that a higher authority should come in and force everyone to "play nice." MLP is a kid's show, and there is going to be an emphasis on "making the mean kids play nice," Sometimes to the detriment of more important ethics and morals.
Yes, yes, I'm beating this to death. Until there's a new chapter, it's all there is for lunch....
Other than dwelling on the fact that the girls are guilt tripping just a bit too much. On the one hand, yes, they ignored Twilight's warnings. On the other hand--- Smarty Pants. Twilight has a well-earned reputation for drastic overreaction (she's a clinical definition of obsessive compulsive personality disorder, symptom for symptom. Yeek.) Plus, she'd already gotten fly-bit over her brother not telling her.... plus, it's a wedding. anyone who's been within throwing distance of a wedding can tell you stories of panic, disorder, mayhem, rampaging brides, freaked-out grooms.... and crazy in-laws.
689961, 690257
Okay, look, I want no more posts about the Flim Flam Brothers. Period. I'm sorry, but it just kind of frustrates me that something I used to steer the conversation toward Twilight has sparked so much debate. How evil Flim and Flam are is not a topic of conversation for here. Besides, I've already altered the chapter to address the concearns, it's all moot now. There are plenty of other places to discuss it. If that's all you have to say, don't post, okay? I don't really care who's right or wrong anymore, I just don't want to here it.
Okay, now, to answer some other things:
689961, 690231
Yeah, as much as I think people overstate how innocent Flim and Flam are, the Apples were still wrong to accept the challenge. They should have negociated for a better price instead of that 25% for a struggling family of four nonsense, or just blown them off entirely if they weren't interested. And I'm glad you liked chapter 6.
690047
Yeah, that was a worry of mine, though I did try to have them discuss their own spins on feeling guilty.
690257
Whether or not they were justified in not believing her, they tore her heart out and that nearly caused Canterlot to be taken over. It's natural to feel guilt like that. I addressed Smartypants as being PTSD from Discord, not Twilight's usual self (because, really, she was never that crazy before or after). As for any other freakouts, there's a big diffrence between them and being as mean as everyone thought Twilight was being. Really, the whole episode was poorly written. If Twilight had brought any number of other points up she might have been believed.
690533 No problem on the liking, you deserve it all the way. But I disagree on the thinking with Twilight, in Canterlot. The whole Smartypants incident CAN be associated with PTSD, because of how traumatic the whole thing went, and since she worries so much of how Celestia thinks of the whole thing, she can easily go crazy, especially when things don't go by the book on her case. But in the Canterlot thing, for starters, she was already a little out of it when she discovered that her brother, who she hadn't seen in a while, was marrying someone she, at the time, didn't know who was. That in itself, breaks her mind a bit. Second, she was the one with biggest connection to Cadance, aside from Celestia, so she can easily see something going wrong. The way I see it, the best bet to see if something was going wrong was precisely Celestia, since Shining Armor WOULDN'T think of something wrong with Cadance at that moment, let alone with the wedding and even less with his brainwashing, but Celestia had been controlling the whole wedding itself, not to mention, she had to take care of any attackers that could go and invade at any minute, the spell of Shining aside, which in itself lowers what the hell may be going on with Cadance, especially if she has trust on her. If the first thing that Twilight sees, was Cadance totally acting out of the cchracter she remembered, plus all I mentioned before, then yeah, she is bound to be more suspicious of how she is now. Since everybody else, didn't know Cadance as much, the very thought of it being just wedding stress is quite possible to them, and easy to accept. I don't think it was poorly written, but since I know little about story scripts, then it's just a matter of opinion, even though a full objective opinion is pretty much impossible if we are to be somewhat biased by our own opinion and likings
I am however, liking the whole what if escenario of the story you're implying, and you are executing it nicely. Not to mention using characters that make sense to make enter in reason (either one or both, especially with Iron Will now, which I again want to say, WAS VERY COOL!).
690635
Well, I did address most of this. Twilight is not presented as being entirely blameless here. She herself acknowledges how she'd been acting, and the others admit to seeing her point, even through their guilt.
And yeah, she was upset at Shining Armor not telling her in person, but there is a big leap between that and trying to break up a wedding out of jealousy. I did think Celestia not finding Cadence's complete 180 in personality to be a bit of a wallbanger, though I can see your points. Really, I think the mane six werre somewhat justified in not believing Twilight. All these reasons they'ew thinking of seem obvious in hindsight, as Luna said. Plus, the last time she made a claim the way she did here (Future Twilight) she was believed, so...there you go. I think if they had seen how excited Twilight was when she first heard of Cadence, the others would have been more inclined to believe her.
Really, I've seen this debated back and forth, but really this story isn't about presenting either side as right or wrong. It's about exploring what they would be feeling after all this happened.