A little D.J. named Mixtape runs afoul Vinyl Scratch in her own club and they tussle, told from the point of view of Mixtape.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 10th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Jan 10th, 2021
RarityEQM
Just a pony being fabulous. Writer of vignettes, clop, experiments, a great deal of trash and the occasional gem
RarityEQM
Joined 10th Jun, 2013 ·
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That was very well done, for a short story. It could use a bit of grammar fixing, but that's literally all I can say about it that's bad.
Can't wait for whatever comes next.
~TOOWC
As they say, everyone's the hero of their own story. Every man, woman and dog you meet in the street or at work or in the checkout lane lives a life that's full and complete in its own way and you'll never take part in more than the slightest fraction of it beyond those brief encounters where they are a side character in your story - and you, one in theirs.
So yes, the story of a character who's only a brief presence in Vinyl's own story (herself ironically a side character with only brief appearances in another story) can be really fascinating and intriguing.
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You know how much I look forward to, and treasure your comments on my stories? Thank you, Moonie. <3
Does this story not have a genre tag???
5504706 That was strange. Should have had "Slice of life." on it.
Corrected!
I thought this was pure amazing. I look forward to more of your stories!
I love it! This was my favorite of your works of fiction, rivaled only by some of a certain character's diary entries. It was burning and intense and exciting, and above that it was immersive. What is it like to live a pivotal moment in the life of someone very different? I recently finished playing Shadowrun: Dragonfall, which was a new experience for me that I loved--the kind of realistic but fantastical intensity and immersion I liked in that game is the same feeling I got from this short piece. Way to go!
I hope you don't mind me throwing my two cents out there. Let me start with the good bit: This reads like the manifesto of a madmare. It's visceral. It speaks volumes of narcissism, a lack of empathy, inflated ego and the kind of sick obsession that you wouldn't even notice if you met this pony because it's so alien in its motivations and intensity.
It reminds me of a genuinely sick mind. I hope that was what you were going for, because now for the bad bit: It reads like the manifesto of a madmare. I can't relate to this person. Someone is waxing poetic to me about just how bitter and jaded she is, and I don't know this person. I've never been given a chance to get to know her. It's hard to empathize with her rants, especially when they completely lack subtlety.
Here's an example:
Mixtape just seems like she's trying too hard to seem broody, like she wants me to know how hardcore she is. It seems that she is just kinda playing one note. She doesn't seem to have any depth. It's just angry/bitter/angsty and that's pretty much it. Her feelings don't seem to be a reaction to anything happening to her. Her feelings just seem to BE her. There's nothing meaty there for me to think about.
It gets revealed at the end that a major source of her animosity is that she lost a DJ tournament to Vinyl. When I read that, I thought, "Hey, that'd be something I'd like to see!" It seems like it would be more interesting to see a genuine conflict between the characters, rather than this imagined conflict where Mixtape is just angry and insecure that Vinyl is near her fans.
It just seems like this is a really odd event to focus on. You have Mixtape's entire life to choose from. You could pick any moment, any event that ever happens to her, and you chose 'That time Vinyl walked into her show, danced with her fans, and she drank too much while performing but nothing bad happened as a result.'
I really like your general premise, though. I love your idea of 'Let's tell the story from the perspective of someone bad, and show how tough it is on them when good ponies come around. Maybe try to drum up sympathy for the bad character.' Breaking Bad basically did that. 'The antagonist is the protagonist' type thing. Antihero, basically. I think you just need to make her a little more relatable, and less like a caricature of a bad pony.
I hope I didn't come off as too negative!
5543287 You win 100000 good comment points with that.
My response:
I wrote it with some poetry in mind, so it does probably lack a lot of context. This being our first introduction to "Mixtape" We have very little to know about her, other than she is, indeed a narcissistic asshole. As a one shot, I really should have, could have done better. I Should have added in her massive crush on Vinyl Scratch, and her absolute jealousy/hatred of Vinyl's 'Earth Pony Pet.' Mixtape doesn't look at the world as happy and carefree, she focuses on negative things that happened to her- the most recent negative thing that happened involving the person I'm looking at. For Vinyl Scratch, it was the last competition.
She's putting on a 'show' but I would like to mention that I did point out she IS wearing a mask. She's playing up her bad girl persona for the crowd. Rebel without a cause, and she hates everybody. She IS trying hard to be broody and hard core and bad assed. I could have done much better on that though, explaining how she's reacting, and why she's doing the things she's doing, and adding in a part where she's really IS just wearing a mask. Her feelings are a direct reaction to Vinyl's appearance, and yes, I could have added more depth. The original story, has Mixtape waking up with a picture in the paper. She apparently attacks Vinyl Scratch on stage after getting to drunk, and Octavia shows to to put Mixtape in her place. But I didn't like where it was going, or how it was written, so I scrapped all of it, and just made it this one shot of some purple pose.
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Oh good. I'm glad you didn't think I was being harsh. I can get a bit negative sometimes.
All these details about Mixtape sound really interesting and cool. I look forward to reading it if you make it all into a story or two.
But, (Why is there always a but! I'm trying to be positive! Grr!) I would suggest putting your best hoof forward when you write it. It's a real pain trying to capture interest especially on a fanfiction site, so it may help to rearrange things so that the most engaging stuff is up front. Maybe make the reader think and—I'm a hypocrite for saying this but—I think it's best to start with setting and dialog, rather than internal monologues or exposition dumps like this, because that feels more like you're 'meeting' the characters, or you're 'experiencing' the conundrums and conflicts they find themselves in. "Setting and dialog and relateability can give you a feeling of presence and participation," is what I'm trying to say.
I read another story of yours, where Twilight is trying to coax a certain 'reaction' out of Trixie. "What's the score," she asks. There's some mystery right there. I took the bait. Then I got to see motivations. I got to see all these little quirks of dialog and smirk while the characters teased one another—verbally and otherwise!—and it just felt more like I was there. I wanted to see what was said next, and what was done next.
All the deep and poetic stuff can come later after we're invested in finding out what makes the characters tick. If, following all that sticky coitus, there was a monologue about all the inner and outer motivations that led them to that situation, I would feel a lot more apt to read it carefully and with great interest than I did with this story, where it was all put on me up front.
As with all my advice, bear in mind that I'm a terrible writer so make sure you don't do anything silly like take my advice without thinking about it!
Which story would this fit in with? I'd be interested to see the other P.O.V.. Mixtape doesn't come off as evil here--cynical and loving the dirty parts of life, yeah, but not as anything more than a dramatic "bad girl".
I'd be interested in seeing what your Vinyl is really like, if Mixtape's so wrong about her.
Okay, I love this character. You, in a little more then a thousand words, defined an entire pony and who they were. Well... the basics. But still, I have every part of her. There needs to be more of her... WRITE MORE.
~ Neon Lights
P.S. Can I use her for a story? I'm planning a "Battle of the DJ's" chapter and I need more characters and, well, I love her!
5836471 Of course you can! Of course, Of course! I should like to write stories with Neon in thanks, of course. <3
5837647 Yays! Wanna collab the chapter? I figure, since you know the character best, it would work out, well, better!
~ Neon Lights
I said I'd stop littering your last comment section but said nothing about this one.
This is an interesting view of Mixtape, now that she's in a more sober(ish) state. Verdict's in, she's not a very pleasant pony.
But that's okay! I didn't want pleasant, I wanted raw emotion and thunder, and I got plenty of that. The story in and of itself feels unfulfilled, in that it's more of a snippet of the life and thoughts of this character than a full act and resolution, but the imagery and thoughts, the bits of history that are hinted at? They make up for it. The concept of Mixtape in and of itself is enjoyable to me, especially as someone who's always regarded Vinyl their favourite character.
Now, don't get me wrong, Mixtape's thoughts clearly come from a flawed mind. There's a lot of jealousy in there, failure to convince herself that she's in control, blame hoisting, etc. It's rather interesting to watch, but it carries its own charm nonetheless. This is a character I want to see duke it out with Vinyl, just so she can be thrashed to the curb, be forced to either acknowledge her own inferiority or chicken out, do the latter, then find an underhanded way to ruin Vinyl's career.
THEN maybe the guilt would hit. Or maybe it wouldn't. If we were to look at the most recent story, I'd assume it would. Mixtape feels like a very mixed up character, and the theme of possession prevalent in this story seems so heavily juxtaposed to that lack of control we find in Molly that I feel it helps to establish a very strong character profile—one that leaves me wanting to know and see more.
But the truth is, Mixtape isn't necessarily an 'evil' Vinyl Scratch or whatever you posited in your author's notes. She's boasty. She's arrogant, jealous, insecure, and a whole slew of other things, but she's also a competitive artist in a saturated market trying to make a living however she can. If that involves knocking others down a peg, so be it. That's industry.
The writing in this isn't bad. I can definitely see a huge improvement in Molly, but I'd say this was worth reading either way, just to get to know Mixtape a little better.
9534974
Written before I had any idea what I was doing or even a basic concept of how to craft a legible story. Good lord, in re-reading this I beat grammar to death. It's been quite some time since I wrote about Mixie, and I suppose Molly was an attempt to give the character a little attention. Thank you so very much for the read!
9534979
I wasn't going to point out the prose/grammar issues as I've seen from the most recent story a lot of it's improved drastically. No need to worry about that! Essence of the story was still a good one. Anddd no problem!
If you ever wanna recommend me something else to read in future, or chat, or whatever, drop me a line.