Hi, everypony! My name is Musical Note, but feel free to just address me as Note! I love voice-acting, singing, writing, and drawing!
{This story is meant to be based on Medieval Equestria/Times}
Marie is only nine years old, and soon after her mother dies of an illness, she is all on her own. Her life starts to go off track once she is gone. She gets kidnapped by a guard of another kingdom. Prince Xavier, a stallion alicorn, wishes to marry Marie after years of spying on her, she rejects his proposal, and things get even worse for the poor mare.
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I rated this for teens, just because of certain scenes in the story. I didn't think they were appropriate for younger audiences. I try to keep violence mild, unless it's one of those stories, and I try to write E-Rated stories {Rated for Everyone}. Anyways, for those of you that are 13 and older, I hope you all enjoyed this story!
I think is a cute story, it seems to me like a fairy tale or something like that.
I liked it.
>> Joalri
Thanks so much!
Alright! Thanks for the 10 likes, everypony! I'll begin a sequel A.S.A.P!
While this is an interesting plot, you lack description. I have no idea what Xavier looks like and the only image of Marie I could picture is the title image. You didn't set up the scenery either, so I've been guessing like mad through this whole chapter.
Question 2: How old IS David? At first, it sounds like he's Marie's age. But after this, it doesn't make any sense. If he knew Marie's grandfather when they were colts, then shouldn't he be, oh you know, OLD?
How could Marie talk to the birds when her necklace was destroyed?
I am sorry. I hate to give negative reviews, but they say criticism helps one to improve.
Your story, while it has potential, was very sloppy. You lack a lot of necessary descriptions, which caused a lot of confusion in the beginning when it came to identifying characters.
A lot of your chapters have different sections merged together. You need to have something like the Line Break button on the editing system to help separate the various scenes.
I've also have other questions. Why didn't Marie make any escape attempts? Certainly due to her stay, she would have found a secret passage or two out of the castle. How did Xavier come across Marie? You made it sound like he had poisoned April just so he could marry Marie. And why did April die so quickly? It would take days, maybe weeks before an illness could become fatal. And if this is set in medieval Equestria, why are there tuxedos? Men wore regal robes during that time and during the wedding, Xavier should have been wearing a royal outfit and not a monkey suit.
I am sorry, but your story doesn't appeal to me.
5748510
...Haters gonna hate, that's all I've gotta say. I'm only 13, what'd you expect from me?
5786120 I'm not a hater. I'm just picky. And I was also helping you with my criticisms.