I love penguins and MLP! I enjoy writing my own stories and sharing them to you guys.
Sonata is a freshmen at Canterlot University, and meets Adagio and Aria who aren't really excited to see her. And unexpecting things keep happening. Also, they get really annoyed of each other.
If you finished this read the sequel: Spring Buddies, Well Not Exactly.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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If they are just normal girls you should add tag "alternative universe"
MitBoy, I see your suggestion, but I've seen other stories where the Dazzlings are normal girls and they didn't put alternative universe. Please don't hate me!
I love it!
Not bad, but you should take your time to describe more, like what she is thinking, maybe a short description of what they are thinking, how everything looks like, and what she felt or things like that. I mean this one chapter could be probably just her waking up, and going into the car with her mom, even then it would look a bit short.
To be honest, in my language i use to describe almost a bit to much, if it is even possible, and i only took part in a RPG panel, that means only the own POV was important.
I hope i don´´t sound weird with what i said, but i think you should try to rewrite it a bit later and make every chapter around 1000 - 2000 words, i think that is the usual amount of words in most storys for every chapter.
5701652 Texas, thank you for the advice. This is my first fimfiction, and I'm planning on making another one with the Dazzlings. Unfortunately, with school and family matters, I can't rewrite it again. But with my next fimfiction, I will try to use your advice. Thanks!
you have a nice idea, but it looks like not every chapter is really connected.
chapter - timeskip - chapter - timeskip - chapter - timeskip, it is a bit to short to make always one little scene out of the day, and then suddenly it is next week or next month. I am not sure if it is really everytime a timeskip, but i don´t think that you always just used the next day in the story.
I guess what i mean is, i am not sure since when they are suddenly friends with all of them, i guess you should have explained a bit more, the idea is good, but i guess i could say the story is rushed.
5701947 No problem, i am not always sure what to say, but i try to help.
Even if it should look like it sometimes, i neve try to be mean, i just say it because i think i could sound a bit mean in the other comment from me.
It isn´t always that bad, it is just more like a two minute comic movie on TV, maybe you should ask someone who can speak, and write english a bit better than me, and let him read the chapter befor upload it.
I can only help a little bit, i can´t correct grammar, and i only can make a few suggestions, based on what i learned or saw as i had read different storys, for a time i was even writing in a RPG forum, but that was in German.
Well yeah, right now i think you should finish it like you planned to do, then later you can change one chapter after another withouth any pressure i guess.
I guess i can give you an upvote, even if it is not a masterpiece, i can´t deny that i wanted to finish it, that means it has at least something good about it.
5704721 I made the last chapter as best as I could, I hope it meets your expectations. Sorry for replying to you so much.
5704842 it is alright, and since it is your first time it is okay, i still know worse storys.
I would say it looks already a bit better, i don´t know how to say it, but i don´t think that it would be possible to suddenly change everything, so i think you have done it already better with this chapter.
Long story short, without any explanation i would say good work.
I love this story! I So going in my favorites.
Good job on your first chapter! Looks like Adagio is going to experience a lot more than she thought she would.
Nice fan fiction.
I love this
Ok why has nobody commented
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