I'm Zekromthepokemon (zek for short) and I'm a writer who's hoping that one day I will be featured but, when I do it's probably gonna be a one shot I wrote when I had the feels.
After Tirek's victory over Twilight Sparkle and the subsequent fall of Equestria, Spike returns to the ruins of his old home to find that he isn't as alone as he thought. Rarity and Sweetie Belle are alive but, Tirek is still roaming Equestria in search of any more survivors.
Is there any way for them to defeat Tirek and finally be able to enjoy the little they have left?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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nicely done , good pace. fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2015/058/a/c/when_twilights_away_by_hillbe-d8jpwti.jpg
Flop you universe and ungodly cliffhangers! Wait in the show Tirek didn't kill or even harm for that matter when he drained ponies. So does he kill the magicless husks or in the show did he just drain most not all of their magic? What kind of magic do dragons have? Can he be drained? How old/big is Spike now? Does Tirek move the sun and moon? CAN he move them? How does Tirek deal with non-magical creatures? (if in your story some creatures don't have magic that is, but to my knowledge all native equestrian creatures have magic)
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Put a raptor is this fic somewhere because...uuu... raptors are cool.
I'm sorry but, this reply is very comedic. I'm sorry if that detracts from the serious tone of the story but, it' kinda in my nature.
S***, I forgot about the AU. Lemme fix that annnddd . . . done!
In my eyes he killed them indirectly. You see how the magicless husks (not including the Mane Six because their OP) just fall to the ground and not move or really do anything at all? I think after a while you died because you couldn't eat or sleep or anything that you needed to do.
Dragons don't have magic but, Spike still has the magic from being a living post-office. If he didn't then I would probably resorted to having book horse in this story.
He can step on non-magical creatures or eat them. pretty much anything you could do as a giant centaur demon.
To close I would like to leave you with word from my people.
5711051
Hey, I'm here! Decided to start with the shortest story first; I needed to get into a reading mood.
Ahem...
I found the premise of the story interesting, as I'm a fan of "what if" scenarios, especially those that end in a hopeless scenario. I'm well aware that this story is a good number of months out without an update, but it has promise, if done correctly. On that note, a few things could definitely be done better.
1: This has the tone of an emotional story, and as such, it will rely highly on descriptions and character building. This is a genre where you want to take your time and make the reader feel as if they are there. For example, when Spike discovered Rarity, I was expecting at least a paragraph describing his emotions. I mean, he just found an old friend, and one he was hopelessly infatuated with nonetheless. It was all in all underwhelming.
2: You didn't state that Spike had grown, so when Rarity jumped on his back, all I could imagine was Rarity flattening a poor baby dragon.
3: Pacing. I covered this in the first note, but seriously, pacing is extraordinarily important in a story like this. It seemed that it was moving on before I was even able to fully imagine the destruction all around. Describe the environment more, but try to not be overwhelming with details. Just enough to give a image the readers can see. Now, as a writer myself, I know that pacing can sometimes be a problem, because writing is much slower than reading. What can be read in a matter of a minute can seem like an hour to us if we get stuck or need to go back and re-write something. Always be sure to read over the scene after taking a break and see if you can't imagine it using just the words.
Other than that, it all seemed nice. As I already said, I'm a sucker for deep stories, and this one has the ability to be something great. I'll give it a 61/2 out of 10 mustaches.
If left anything out that you would like to hear more about, please let me know
6368689 Sorry for replying like months later but, I'd like to thank you for putting this down. It's not in my notifications anymore so, I know I saw it but, I guess I forgot about these criticisms somehow and I don't know why so, I'm going to incorporate this into the next chapter (which I'm writing on and off right now). Even though this was for the trading thing on Authors Helping Authors I still want to thank you.