Honeypunch91
Joined 29th Apr, 2012 ·
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ok, prepare for a couple of wise words from THE GODDAMN BATMAN.
First, you should(no, you MUST) start a new paragraph each time a character speaks, it makes it much easier to read, and in general keeps the reader from getting confused.
next thing is this error of a phrase.
should be
common mistake, makes more sense that way as well.
one more thing, when you end a sentence refrain from using period's, instead use a comma, like I am.
a comma
,
in conclusion, this story has potential, but it also has errors, once fixed, this will be a pretty good story
5701254
Thank you for your wisdom
I just fixed the clokwork thing and started new paragraphs. Please have another look at the chapter, if I did it right.
I don't really understand what you mean with more commas, wouldn't that create long monster sentences?
5701459 as I said, it is your choice, it's your story
Can't wait for Chapter Two!!
Keep on writing, your story is really awesome!
It's back! YES!
Yes! I like the captain.
Hey ho!