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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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We totally lol'd at David's reaction.
The Text is wrong, you can indeed be friends with words; thousands of online relationships prove it's possible.
Keep going! ;)
I feel ya Text.
What'd I tells ya. Eldrich horrors: weak against song magic.
A good chapter. I look foreword to seeing Silver explaining song Magic to David and tell him how it works. Is Silver going to show David his Dad when he gits home?
Dragonfox
6358706 Thankd. Do you mean rough draft?
6358714
Yes I did.
Dragonfox
Come on, Text... words can be friend as much as foe. Words can supports as much as they break down. Cleanse as much as they purify. Don't play the antagonist.
So that thing was text? I wasn't expecting that.
And epic fight in the dreamscape for the herd!
so was the monster text or is text the monster???
or is this one super good battle scene? well sure it is.
Harts Fire
6359696
6360224 The Text did not confirm this, though Silver did ask.
I feel like "silverish" should be "silvery."
He began to "sink" before her.
Don't capitalize the "v" in "victory."
6357742 Incorrect. The words are just a medium; it's the people behind them that matter.
6363950 so what you're saying is, the Text is actually a person behind words? Very Meta!
A very strong conclusion to an unexpectedly-gripping mini-arc, this chapter was excellent! The conclusion (at least, I presume it was the conclusion) to this fight was powerful for how it built organically on the greater themes of this story, to great effect. I found this chapter to be genuinely evocative, something that's been missing lately, and I was glad for the return to form.
The fact that Silver knew to pull in those closest to him to help him fight was a brilliant idea, all the more so for the fact that it not only relied on existing characters and abilities (rather than pulling something new out of a hat), but also ultimately utilized the power of friendship, which goes right to the core of MLP. It was a very insightful way to believably turn the situation around when Silver knew that he was losing.
But then the chapter takes it one step further, and throws in the use of song magic. Given the existing exposition for what this is (basically, the inherent magic of Equestria itself), the idea of using it to empower the ponies and harm this thing was another masterful idea; I really can't get over how utterly perfect this was. The only flaw to this particular development was the fact that a direct presentation (e.g. lyrics and all) of music in a purely-textual format fails to deliver the impact that a song would provide were it heard...and even then, that's an inescapable limitation of the written format, rather than a problem with this story's presentation.
I also liked that Nefertari showed up when Silver summoned his wives and lovers; I've always thought that she was good for him, so it was great to see her there. I'm presuming that other-David showed up due to some sort of fluke (which is abetted by the fact that he wasn't taking part in the song). And of course, the most touching part was when Shei arrived to help bring things to a close...that was the perfect narrative conclusion to this fight.
But it still didn't stop there! After that, we got a presentation from the Text itself, admitting that it felt a sense of kinship with that unknown thing. That was something that was contextualized a moment later, when Silver pressed it, and the Text admitted that "you can't be friends with words," which is true, because words unto themselves are just constructs. You can't be friends with a story unto itself, for instance, which underscores the Text's relationship to Silver and the cast...they're all just parts of a story to it.
That's an intriguing way of...well, not so much breaking the fourth wall as turning it transparent (or perhaps just translucent). It was very deftly done, especially since it's entirely possible to interpret the Text's final line of dialogue the other way (e.g. that it is just words, and so others cannot be friends with it), rendering some ambiguity that helped to keep the entity appropriately mysterious.
All in all, this was one of the best chapters we've had in a while, and I found it very refreshing.
6364324 And yet, we don't get to here, without a starting point. I still feel the digging into Silver's frailest moments was vital to the narrative flow. It's also a bit jarring (?) to be told your own past is irrelevant and boring.
The song was broken up and delivered in snatches. It wasn't the whole thing, because the whole thing will never be delivered properly, but what was there, I hope it worked.
6364398
"Digging into" Silver's frailest moments - in terms of showcasing them at all - was indeed vital to the narrative flow. That was never my complaint. My complaint is that we had those moments thrown at us too often, to too little effect. Hearing about a character's painful childhood once or twice shows us their background and motivation. Hearing about it more than that feels pointless.
I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings there. I wasn't saying that your past is irrelevant and boring; I was saying that hearing about it so much within the context of this fic had ceased to be interesting, and was instead becoming a drag.
6364463 And this is where you lose me every time. The only past event that was repeated, sort of, is David's old title, which was brought up... twice or so?
Counting -everything in the past- as one thing just doesn't make sense to me, at all. At. All.
The tale of Michael's death? Specifically chosen as an attack for relevance to the moment at hand, for the emotion needed at the time. It was a struggle, and it wasn't 'oh no I am alone!' or 'Oh no, I am neglected!', it had nothing to do with either, as you had seemingly dismissed it away as. It was 'My feelings are secondary to those around me.' 'Sad things happen, and that's life, then life ends.' These shape Silver. These were selected by the fell creature to grind in the hopelessness of the situation, but he took it and turned it around, because he wasn't alone, and his feelings were not secondary, and sad things can be fought against, not just accepted and be crushed by.
I just feel you are completely wrong in this.
6364495
It's not the specifics - it's the greater gestalt of "I still feel the pain of having parents that didn't love me (enough)." I'm not conducting an analysis on the impact of that on the narrative; rather, I'm telling you how I feel as a reader, and in that regard my impression is "message received - it doesn't need to be repeated/showcased again."
I'm not counting "everything" per se; I'm counting only the instances of "I was starved for love as a child," regardless of the form those take. We know this about Silver. Further emphasis is not needed.
Nobody's criticizing the tale of what happened to Michael. That was, to me, legitimately emotional to read about, because it wasn't about Silver specifically; that one was about the death of a pet, a loved one, and how we feel when someone we feel responsible for passes on. That wasn't about what it did to Silver; the events there spoke for themselves.
I'll be honest, I'm not really bothered by the use of the painful imagery during Silver's battle with that creature. That was contextualized sufficiently by being part of a psychic battle, which is why I've been very positive about those chapters. Rather, it's the introduction of other-David that I'm primarily unhappy about. I just don't see him bringing anything new to the table, except that he gives Silver a new venue for going over their mutually-awful pasts together, because now we get to discuss why other-David is as flawed as he is, and how that reflects Silver's flaws. We're rehashing old ground, rather than moving on to a new one.
It's not a question of right or wrong; I'm trying to communicate why I feel the way I do about this particular aspect of the story. I'm not looking for you to agree, so much as understand where I'm coming from with my critiques.
I think you mean sink.
Dirt, not dirty.
6583681 Someone had pointed out one of those and I failed to fix it. My bad. Both fixed!
3:45
"You can't be friends with words."
My rebuttal: