So you've heard of people disappearing right? Well I'm one of those people. Ever since I bought those raptor eggs, a model of the bike I'm in Equestria working to find my way home and look for my brother somewhere out there in the Multiverse, while I keep Equestria safe from Rulons
This is a crossover between Jurassic World, Dino-Riders and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
Warning: This is a Displaced Story
I do not own any of these
Yay new story and now a displaced one
I liked the premise...
but the execution was poor.
I can tell your new to making/writing stories, may I make a friendly suggestion? you may need an editor some time soon to help polish this rough gem of a story, its really good, but it kinda needs some editing. Of course if you don't want that that's ok, I'm just suggesting it ta be a little helpful, but then again sometimes what one thinks is helpful may actually not be sooooo..... yyyeeaaahh I'll leave it at that. Well later I'ma gonna continue reading now
I F%@king love this story
Way to rushed sorry but its true make it longer and less rushed give more info in the povs
I think I can see where this is going. Whelp, I'll prepare the cages, tranqs, tan clothing (with matching hat), and a one liner if I've been out smarted. Heh, references.
Good chapters what dinosaur did he turn into
6483548 A very mutated Indominus
Love it!!
I know, I know I'm a hypocrite. I just came back came back to comment on my brother's story ( a.k.a. The worst story I've ever read and for my brother a.k.a. The worst writer in the history of fimfiction) Here is my comment:
THIS STORY IS TOTALLY OVERRATED. NOBODY SHOULD LIKE THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S
If anyone is confused about the "I just came back" part, just Ask my brother aka Dracosaurian.
6548968 fuck you to
6136518 yes finally i found plz dont canclle this story nor put it on hiautis and not stop posting this stuff im so hooked ill be very sad if you do thoose things that i told you
6517195 lol
6585580 you do realize you said a swear to an 8 year old right?
6585588 Ur tempting for me to have one of my Displaced visit you
6585651 hmmm i do ok then fuck,fuck,fuckdy,fuck
6585772 witch one ill take him/her on mano on mano
6585780 Take your pick. I got quite a few... And each one that might make your head spin
6585784 ill try anyway
6585784 nevermind im good
6548968 fuck ass shit ass fuck dick bullshit bitch hoe
6585772 Ydk I'm in war of shadows right now
6588667 Yeah. I mean for after. Lance is one of the characters that was there before the war began.
6589018 sure if my schedule's open
6589045 Alright. When your ready then.
too rushed. I almost lost interest if it wasn't for my curiosity, but I highly suggest rewriting it and getting some help from editors and pre-readers. For a good idea, take a look at some really liked stories around the site, while also paying attention to how informative the description is and how it's executed... if there is one
WHYYYYY! MLP IS BEARABLE BUT FROZEN WAS TOO MUCH!
i'm sorry, I have to
6681820
6460819
6425061
6165774 HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY BROTHER!!!!!!
If you ever say things like that again to him you will be sorry
6585651 Sup, keep improving and I'll see what comes of this.
6801843 Thanks man, but chapters might come slow since exams are near and let me tell you they're hard
6802251 You're in the second grade, what exams?!
6802575 our quarterly exams are coming up so yeah
This is now,
orig02.deviantart.net/2fa4/f/2016/027/0/d/war_of_shadows_approved_by_broodmother_marsara-d9pivw6.png
6878732 thank you my emperor
6879227
No problem. See you on the battlefield!
6879245 yes and I wonder how raptor strain Zerg would fight raptors.
And now since I have an empire guy more army fuel.
All aboard my Azure Rathalos
6802575 Dude you said the wrong thing to me I'm not a 2nd grader I'm a 7th. TheBrainyBrony is the 2nd grader and my brother.
7044125 Oh... well don't I feel dumb. Heh, it's a little funny.
sorry lost interest in the middle it feels like i'm playing game and offense is rushing and the defense is as well no idea whats going on anymore
The fifth and fourth chapter should switch places
Flow of story is a little fast but will keep reading
Dude, pacing, u got to Pace yourself, overall, still interesting
Wait...
What?
*is bamboozled*
This quote is... familiar (piemations)
9680176
The mirror dimension.
6681836