• Member Since 31st Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen Sep 5th, 2023

hollowsbest


Kit | they/them | we're onto a new era of horseposting !

T

Willa Gamree, a former collage student and now called the Shadow Queen (Only she calls herself that) was dropped into Equestria by something.

During her first year, she discovered her powers; and her limitations.
Sadly, during her tenth year; after working so hard with Luna to free the Crystal Empire, they failed.

But Willa defeated Sombra but was trapped in crystal, she was moved out of city limits before the Empire vanished.

Now she's woken up and wants answers, well; more one answer.

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU SPREAD AN AWESOME RUMOUR ABOUT ME AND LET IT TURN INTO LEGEND?!"


A Sort-Of Displaced Fic.

This will be updated when I write the next chapter and like it, basically expect this to be dormant for a few months then get a few updates in one day/night.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 15 )

Seems interesting, I'll follow this and see where it goes.

Oh my this getting good. Quick pinkie get me a cookie.:pinkiehappy:

Oh yeah which shadow queen is this based on....Nevermind only paper mario version showed up unless it's a different one. I just checked your story profile I apologise for confusing it to that bitch.

I mean sorry for not recognizing it as a original character.

6188891

This isn't my main story, it's more of a story to fall back on when I get sick of the others I'm working on and need a break. So it'll go on hiatus and off hiatus fairly constantly. Sorry.

6188911 it ok. Meens its a bit more exciting wehen a new chapter comes out.:pinkiehappy:

(I have not read this yet, and am only making a comment on the title)

Now this is the most legit adventure. You know the adventures of Link, Mario, or Sonic? F :yay: K THEM! THIS IS THE ADVENTURE! YOU WILL NEVER SEE ANOTHER ADVENTURE AS LEGIT AS THIS ONE, F :yay: KERS!

Hrm.

Good concept, but your grammar is somewhat flawed--usually in paragraph separation relating to dialogue. It's perfectly fine for a single line of dialogue to be its own paragraph--in fact, it's expected. Having two separate characters speak in the same paragraph is actually considered flawed. And if you have a line like "I'm Leroy," Leroy said., make sure that last period in the quotation marks isn't a period.

Your flow is also... slightly jerky. One of the best bits of writing advice I've heard is "Never say A, then B. Stories should always say Because A, B happens." You aren't technically violating that rule, but you also aren't fully detailing the situation--how ponies react, how the characters feel, etc. The biggest case I can see is where Willa says "I'm the shadow queen!" and then says "Oh, no reaction." With nothing in between. Not even a little narration saying "There was an awkward moment of silence." But the problem is found throughout this chapter.

This isn't meant to say this is a bad story, mind you. This seems like it could be a lot of fun. However, a lot of people will be put off by bad grammar, and if the flow of the story doesn't fit the story itself you could break the reader's immersion and lose their interest. Still, I'll follow this. See where it goes.

Seems interesting. I hope to see more chapters of this in the future. :pinkiesmile:

This story has a lot of potential, but could use more descriptive writing in it to give more immersion, mood, connection with audience, and etc. Will Track to see how this shapes up and changes.

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