- Second Person Point of View -
After moving to Canterlot High, You meet Sonata Dusk, and she may be the best thing That has ever happened to you. It all starts, by bumping into each other, then moving, then date, and so on.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 29th Jul, 2015
- offline last seen Oct 27th, 2015
Sonatie
Sonata Dusk is my Favorite character of all times. ♥
Sonatie
Joined 29th Jul, 2015 ·
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You should not make the chapters that short, that probably earns you some natural downvotes, since i think the chapter feels off if there isn´t much to read.
Maybe to much "you" i don´t know, but i would probably do the same.
I never noticed he actually sat down at her table, and well very short again, otherwise not bad i guess, however i don´t want to vote yet, i wait what happens next.
6266097 Alright, Thank you for the advice. This is my first story, and English is not my first language, But again, Thank you.
Pretty good, few words are randomly capitalized but I am liking where this is going.
hey he didn´t paid for the applejuice
It is still a bit rushed, but i think i only noticed it in the second half of the chapter this time, at least it looks like it, i mean i would expect some talking, i guess you need to have them talk a bit more, maybe about what Sonata likes, or what she needs, or what she did in her old home to have fun, only for him to know, what she needs if he want her to enjoy her stay.
However this chapter was better than the last two chapters.
6266913 okay then i understand it a little bit more, i knew it was better not to vote to soon, i don´t like it to give a soon vote if someone is new and didn´t had enough time to show what they can do.
However i think i want to give you a thumb up now.
I don´t want to sound like i would be just stubborn, but i think it really make it already look much better if you make the story......1500-2000 words at least, that just gives you more room to let them talk a bit, develop a friendship, and become boyfriend, and girlfriend.
6267304 Thank you very much, I'll start writing chapter 4 tomorrow.
6267180 Thank you.
ahh Sonata....she always was my favorite you know
6267353 Yeah, mine too. Did you like the story?
6267387 very cute
Thanx for the follow btw
6267400 No problem!
still short, but it was a nice chapter, at least they talked a bit more.
6267717 Yeah, Thank you.
That again was way to short, it is like a small part of a really big chapter.
They could have actually done something next, i liked it that Rainbow wasn´t as usually against it, but even if i prefer 2000 words, you should never write less than 1000 words i believe, all the storys that did that, actually only had downvotes, but you seems to have much luck.
No matter what i say, what i see is good, i think you just end the storys to early, even if you need more time, maybe you should try only to update your story in one, or two weeks, this way you can get more ideas, and maybe create a more interessting Slice of Life chapter.
You probably only want to show more to fast, i think you can make something good.
I am no expert, but i try to tell you what i think i noticed so far, maybe you should just try to take your time, and see what that does to your chapter, maybe you are the type of writer, that needs to rewrite it a few times to get something even better.
Maybe i can´t say it is to short, because i am one of those, which read way to much, and i have some endurance to read very much, but this one isn´t as good as it could have been.
I used to have a male cat called snowball but he lil devil run away to be with another cat
The story seems a bit too rushed, but I fave it.
6270699 Yeah, I did notice that, but Thank you.
Please get an editor. Your grammar is not very good at all, which makes it very hard to read this story.
"You shouldn't have speeded that Two dollars" -It's pronounced Spent .
" If they tough that you made a lot of trouble for them." - It's pronounced thought
"Yeah, His my friend! Applejack," - Do you mean He's
" but I did, can you atleast forgive me?" - there needs spacing between 'At' and 'Least'
6393692 Rude.
haven't ready your story, but I see if as a recommended story on my own. anyways, I read form your comments that your chapters are too short and many of the problems are this is a new langue for you. May I recommenced you type it out in your first langue, then use, say, google translator, to turn it into English?
Finally got around to reading this.
I suppose there isn't much for me to say that hasn't already been said. There are plenty of spelling and grammar errors and the fic is a bit rushed. It's a nice idea and that nice idea is shown, for certain, it just needs a bit of fine tuning. Seeing as how you're getting used to English here, the errors are a bit permissible, and I do guess that it would be a bit harsh to expect a lot more detail over simplicity with that in account as well.
Overall, i'd say a 6.5/10 as it is.
Might I add, while I can't claim to be a genius when it comes to English, I am a native speaker. You ever need help or have questions, i'd be willing to assist.
I would be willing to help edit out the grammar mistakes from the chapters, if you'll allow me to. PM me with an answer!
I would like to have a new chapter please.