- Member Since 3rd Dec, 2013
- offline last seen February 23rd
Feather Note
"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For indeed, that's all who ever have." ~ Margaret Mead
Feather Note
Joined 3rd Dec, 2013 ·
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You've got my interest, which is always a good start.
Also, I found a boo-boo, fifth paragraph:
6442505 Oops! My bad! Eheheh... let me go fix that.
Thank you for letting me know. I always want to make sure the story is not filled with boo-boos, so any little comment like this really helps.
Okay why did Twilight have to return to Canterlot after Nightmare Moon? That makes no sense. Heck doing it that even messes with the concept. RIght now that is what has majorly set me off with this idea.
6443399 Again, my first story. The idea that I was looking for was an alternate universe type setting. Instead of Twilight living in Ponyville, she went back to Canterlot. But again, first romance story, so my idea may not be... perfect. But I am thankful for your opinion and will try my best to see how I can make it seem more... natural.
But do not worry... I have plans...
Hey why didn't you reply to my quote, I reply back
Look at my Userpage again
6489408 Sorry about that. Usually I tend to leave a reply alone, unless there's something else in there. I probably just missed your quote is all. My bad...
What a chapter! What a lovely chapter! Here, have a stache
6513938 Why thank you, No Reservations. I hope you did like this chapter.
ANd today on Yandere Simulator: Equestria edition....
Not slamming your work, I actually like it, but she's coming off all creepy stalker.
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No, don't worry. I don't mind what you said. Even if Rarity is coming off all... stalkerish, love will make you do crazy things. You can trust that. 
And I'm glad you are enjoying the story as well, makes me happy that readers are enjoying my first ever romance story. (Makes me tear up inside... *sniffle*.) 
Twilight...
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Just wait. Things get better! (And by better... more like a downward spiral, like spiraling cake, only without the hole in it.)
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Well, this, combined with Drama tag in the story.... I sense a possible bad ending.
I don't read romance fanfics with bad endings... I'll just wait till the story is Complete to make sure how it ends and continue reading only after that.
6620243 Who knows? May be a bad ending? May be a good ending? Who knows! (Oh wait, I do! Haha!)
poor Yandere-chan. Sempai didn't return her feelings.
6635089
Yandere Chan? Why is Rarity a Yandere? And how did Twilight end up as Sempai?
6635724 Just pointing out how full on creepy Rarity's acting here. Admittedly not quite full on Yandere, but I wouldn't be suprised if she had an alter with things like twilight's hairbrush or a half eaten apple or the like.
6636433 Again, although I've never experienced this myself, I've heard that some people will do some crazy things when they're in love. Rarity is no exception to that rule. (Although the hairbrush and Apple thing... I do not believe even Rarity herself would go that far, even if she was in love.)
6637002 Admittedly, I may have been reading too much in, having just came off of watching Markiplier's Let's Play series of Yandere-chan Simulator
6637037 Yeah, Markiplier's Let's Play of Yandere Simulator was possibly not the best idea to come into a romance story.
6649046 But wait, there's more! (Or is there?
)
6650381 You monster
, you know I can't stop reading this and you take advantage of it... please, give me more 
6650713 Don't worry. In two days the next chapter shall be released, and you'll get the next bit of what shall take place in this story.
Bruh... I mean... seriously, this chapter is a K.O. to Twilight and Spike friendship, it was like that Paris asteroid scene in Armageddon
, and poor Rares, she will never be happy again 
, we just keep swiming in the Swamp of Sadness.
10
's out of 10, awsome chapter 
.
P.S. Talking about asteroids:
6656417 Well... a spontaneous explosion like that may lead to disaster for a brief moment... but it can be repaired. But yes, all good things must take time... or they can just spiral out of control!
But don't worry. There's still so much to go, so don't worry! 
6660374 Well at least that's something. Thank you.
Look at this ship, it has sailed, I'm so proud of it
, also, this chapter made me think of this:
P.S. Can't wait for the next chapter
6706088 Yep. After about three chapters of heartache, the ship has finally escaped from its whirlpool of destruction. And don't worry, the next chapter shall be around soon enough. (Although already done, the waiting period must be retained, as so I can make any new adjustments if that is needed). But I'm still happy for your enthusiasm.
I thought so... Should've known better.
This... this is... wow, the only thing that came to my mind while reading this chapter was this song:
Do you remember when I said you were a monster?
Well, I'll say it again, you are a monster 
I knew I should have waited some more days to read this, but no, curse my curiosity, firts Star Wars and now this... good job my friend, keep it up. 
6748839
Yep! Remember, slice of life tag means a fast one can be thrown. Although when it that happens, nobody knows!
6749183
Welp! I'm glad you enjoyed the romance while it was lasting. Although it is sad to see what happened, so whatever will happen next, only the next chapter will tell. 
6589622 I'm kind of surprised that none of the nobles and the rich called Rarity out as a filly-fooler. I mean, surely some of them had to have calculating eyes and a cunning mind to be able to see certain signs. Or have had to deal with filly-foolers or are secretly filly-foolers themselves. I don't know. I really think that there should be a discovery of Rarity's orientation and a violent reaction to it. While I like the psychological drama going on, I still feel that there ought to be conflict from external sources as well. I mean, it isn't as if there aren't those who are violated or have violent acts done against them for having a certain lifestyle choice. So far, it just doesn't feel like this story takes seriously the conflict and struggle that people face having a niche lifestyle that they choose to live. So while I am enjoying the story somewhat, I do feel that there are things that could improve the story if you explored the issues I previously mentioned.
6763218 Hmm... you are correct there, Genesis. If Rarity was to ever be found out about this of course there would certainly be some pretty interesting and yet ignorant actions by other ponies. And like you said, the precedent of an action could take place anytime and still cause quite a bit of conflict. However, at the party as you have described, nopony seemed to have figured out this yet except for Fancy Pants, who as we know is usually pretty chill and open-minded about things like this. But I do thank you for that idea. I can certainly implement it somewhere before this story ends. (And now the next actions that would proceed it would make more sense than anything else). So again, I thank you for your input and will apply this idea to the necessary chapters.
But you also must remember that this isn't some human world like ours. Of course I do know that there would be those few who would rather prefer a normal relationship between a stallion and a mare, but again with how different their world is to ours, there are some differences that have to be noticeable. So in that case, most ponies would be open-minded since they're of a herd mind rather than our own single minds, even though they are sentient from each other, we are not of a herd mind unless we are naturally social or seek that social time that some people crave.
Well, it took me sometime to read the last chapters, but I'm glad I waited
+
=(CENSORED) 
.
For a first time writing this kind of scenes I think you did a great job, have a stache
.
You know what this needs? This needs to be read while listening to the master of sensuality and I think I know the perfect song not only for the mood but for the whole story:
6826621
Oh that song, that's so cool. Thank you though, I was rather nervous when it came to writing this intimate scene. But I'm glad to know someone likes it. 
6443821 Yeah Twilight moving back to Canterlot at the end of the very first episode pretty much screws everything else in the show. Discord? No friendship reports means he wins. Chrysalis? With Twilight living in Canterlot she will be targeted for the mind whammy, or at least a better performance, right from the start so the Changelings win... at least if Discord falls into a plothole they will. Those are just two main villains! Sweet Apple Acres is done for once Flim&Flam show up with Twilight out of town, doubly so with Rarity also gone. No Rarity means no-one to drag Fluttershy out of seclusion for spa visits. Twilight won't be around to convince AJ to accept help during applebuck season. Zecora? Sucks to be her I guess, since Twilight's words are what spurred Apple Bloom to finally approach her. The Ursa Minor thing probably only has 50/50 chance without Spike but if it does happen I shudder to think about how many will die.
Hell it even bodes ill for your Rarilight ship! Rarity was already fixated on Blueblood when she met Twilight so she actually needs the Gala to break that and open her mind to the magic of Raritwi. In fact your story's description made it sound like that has actually already happened, but since Twilight wasn't living in Ponyville the others wouldn't have had the whole Ticket Master thing to get their own tickets and set up the Gala episode.
Oh, and it is also impossible for Twilight to move back to Canterlot because she was only in Ponyville on business during the pilot episode. She didn't move from Canterlot to Ponyville until after that. But that is just a technicality compared to Equestria being doomed and pretty much all the characterization and interpersonal development needed for Raritwi to actually work having never happened.
AUs based on point of divergence have a bad habit of forgetting that nothing before that point is different and the present is dictated by the past, and then plothole start multiplying as the author tries covering their ass. All because they didn't bother to think through all the consequences of their change. The worst part is when the change is not only unnecessary but doesn't even add anything, like here.
I mean if you really wanted to have it be a 'Canterlot Romance' it would make more sense, and work better, to have Twilight move back after her coronation so she could take 'princess lessons' from Celestia but before the Plunder Seeds. Have Twilight go archive diving after her lessons to relax and stumble across mention of Tirek, she mentions it to Celestia, who then decides to check in on the old brute and reinforces his cell so his escape never happens. He most likely escaped during the Plunder Seed thing after all. Perfectly believable reasons for both Twilight living in Canterlot and removing the threat posed by Tirek. Celestia ignoring everything she knows about the EoH and their importance really isn't a believable reason.
Oh God it's worse than I feared! I think this might be the first time I have ever seen an author ignore everything after their own Point of Divergence.
"Twilight lives in her own tower in Canterlot before flying to Ponyville for two days on royal business. After returning to Canterlot she moves out of her tower back into her parents' house for absolutely no reason. Then she proceeds to spend all her time in Ponyville, pretty much living there except not, and absolutely nothing changes."
How is this even an AU?! I like AUs, I like alternate histories, this is absolutely not how they are done! Changing one major thing and then ignoring every single impact that change would have is how you fail at an AU. In fact that is called an error, a typo, having misspoke, or anything other than an Alternate Universe.
6836244 ...alright. So let's clear some things up. I did at least give a thought to this. Trains are a bit of transportation for Twilight to go down back to Ponyville to help her friends whenever they're in trouble. Heck, I don't believe this would hinder things. Maybe her timing when she arrives to the problem when her friends let her know, sure. Have you also forgotten about messages? Sure I never delved into those finer details because "that" was not what I wanted to focus on. And another thing for transportation, teleportation for one. Sure she'd get a massive headache from the distance and energy needed to go from one place to another. Again, major headache afterwards but still, another form of teleportation.
All these events in this AU that could happen? Yes I didn't particularly look at those, but you must remember that this is the first time I've ever written a romance story such as this, much less a risky and I do quote "risky" type of AU story. Of course there were going to be mistakes that I might have missed. Of course there are some plotholes that I might have not totally looked at. But again, I am able to admit that it is my fault. What I am not willing to stand for, is for someone to make me sound like I'm incompetent. To make me sound like I wasn't aware of my faults, when truly I was, but frankly, I knew I was already too late down the rabbit hole. To make me sound like an idiot... seriously, I understand there's a need for criticism, but when you target the author and make them sound like morons, like they don't know what they're doing... just seriously.
i think a sequel for this story would be cool in the future
A nice ending to a good story.
Now SEQUEL! Please?
6840705
6840751
Now as for sequel standards... I do think a sequel would be nice. But that might not happen. What I mean by that, as in not now. But maybe in the future? I definitely think a sequel in the future would be nice. But as for now... I'm undecided on it. So to let you know for now, a sequel may or may not happen.
6841483 okay
I think a sequel is a marvelous idea. It's a great story and I would very much enjoy seeing it continue.
One never wants it to arrive, but everything good has to end
. This was one xtreme ride, it had its highs and its lows, laughs and tears and that's why I enjoyed it so much 
. In a personal opinion, I think that a sequel is not needed, yes you left many questions in the air but sometimes is better to left them there for us to have our own conclusions.
You did a really good job with this story and I'll be stalking you and your future projects
.
Read you around
.
6842172 Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed Twinkling Gem. Unfortunately this only makes my decision to either continue with a sequel or not much harder.
You did a great job with the story.
You should do a sequel in the future. I would like to see how this continues.
Liking this story so far. Something very minor to consider. A pony's breasts are on the lower abdomem below the navel.
Of course if you were to anthro the story, then they would be on the chest.
6858475 Right. That's something that's a little tricky to describe.