Hotspur
My father
was a Night Guard,
lost in the line of duty.
My mother
was a widow,
left alone to raise their only foal.
It was a Nocturne stallion
who left her
young and heartbroken.
It was a Nocturne foal
who trailed behind her
and caused ponies to stop
and whisper
with narrowed eyes.
My mother learned to resent Nocturnes.
I was no exception.
I was little more than a colt
when my mother
answered the call to Myinnkyun
for friendship,
money,
and in her eyes,
a fresh start.
It was the last time I had seen her
before I could get to Myinnkyun myself.
I had grown
to look just like my father.
My mother had grown
more bitter than I could imagine.
She still hated me
simply for what I was.
But I promised
that I would watch over her,
as a son should.
I looked just like my father.
Nopony would ever guess
that Peridot was my mother.
During the day,
she would treat me
as she treats any other Nocturne.
But at night,
I would do as Nightmares do
and visit her dreams.
One night,
her dream was strange.
It was quiet,
soft;
and she was floating,
drifting.
I decided to visit her in the morning.
I found her door was left open,
and her bed was made,
unused from the night before.
Peridot never made it home.
I rushed out
and sought my friend, Moonstruck,
to deliver the news
that Peridot was missing.
He asked me why I—
a Nocturne—
should be so worried about her.
And why,
for that matter,
should he care at all?
How could I explain
that the loathsome shrew
who made no secret
of her hatred towards Nocturnes
was my own mother?
He followed me
without complaint
until we found her
in the clear waters
off of the docks.
Swaddled in seaweed,
gently swaying
in the ebbing tide.
I had never seen her
so at peace.
Murmurs echoed
through the gathering crowd,
and already wild stories
about what happened
were starting to creep in.
The kelpie,
the Nocturne,
even the Mooken
were all under suspicion.
I have to act fast
if there is any hope
of uncovering the truth
of how my mother died.
I begin my search
with the dreams of
Nostalgia.
As a keeper of records,
I thought he might know,
but he merely echoes my doubts.
Maybe Andi Quote,
as the town gossip,
has knowledge to offer.
She’s spitting out the same lies
being fed to us all.
Perhaps I’m going about this
the wrong way.
The last time I had seen Peridot
outside one of her dreams
was in the common-house
two nights before.
Leitmotif had a view
of the entire common-house.
I remember the moment clearly
when my own mother
called me a freak to my face.
Cabotage seems more concerned
with matters of money
than the death
of his business associate.
Moonstruck has little interest
in uncovering the truth.
He is equally convinced
that the kelpie is responsible.
But I must warn him
of why he feels so drained
after a night spent with Littlemoth.
Andi Quote mentioned a sailor
kissing a kelpie.
It seems Sailcloth
can’t even convince himself
what he believes.
The kelpie, Sonata Dusk,
she is being blamed
and attacked
for something she did not do.
When I uncover the truth,
I will clear your name.
Maybe Majority Vote
has been given knowledge
not released to the public.
The opportunistic rat
wants to use her death
for his advantage.
Maybe his son, Spotlight,
has something to offer.
A Mooken outside our walls
just before Peridot’s death?
What were you doing there?
What brought you here, U Lowe Kene?
It seems to be your own vendetta;
not one against Myinnkyun.
I have not detected the dreams
of this Palei Hantu.
Likely too afraid
to even close their eyes.
What about that other guard,
Dawn Patrol?
Can it be true?
Equestria,
in upheaval?
Princess Luna,
banished to the moon?
I see now why
no boats have come to Myinnkyun.
I think back on Peridot
and what I now know
were her final moments.
Such peace,
such euphoria.
Almost like a dream.
I remember the fear
in Littlemoth’s eyes
at the news of Peridot’s disappearance.
I can sense her panic,
but even so,
I can’t allow her
to keep up her disguise.
I have seen Tommyrum
panhandling outside the common-house.
I doubt his usefulness,
but he’s crossed paths with Peridot,
and I am low on ideas.
Two unicorns
at half past midnight.
Peridot and…
Cabotage?
I think I understand.
The two did not like each other,
but they both relied on ships
for their income.
Cabotage had been expecting a boat,
so together they went to the docks,
in hopes that it finally arrived.
With no boat to be found,
they whiled away the time—
complaining of missing boats,
and taxes,
and drunkards,
as bitter ponies
are wont to do.
Cabotage left Peridot
to stew in her own bitterness,
but when she finally got up to leave,
between her age,
and her drunkenness,
she fell
straight off the docks.
The moon was absolutely
brilliant that night.
One might even mistake it
for the sun.
But I must be sure.
Peridot and Shooting Star
glared daggers at each other
that night in the common-house.
I did not want to suspect
a member of the Night Guard,
but there’s no harm
in visiting his dreams.
“You can sense me?”
“I’m not an enemy.
I’m only trying—”
“If you’re not going to help me—”
“Oh, you cannot trace me,
you say?
I’ll be on my way, then.”
I’m impressed
that he was able to detect me.
He lacked the skill, though,
to recognize who I was.
I wonder
if he’d think any less of me
if he knew.
Sunspot tends to be well-informed,
between his connections to the mayor
and to the guards.
He may have information of value.
He’s even more delusional
than Andi Quote and Sailcloth
put together.
He would start a war
with the kelpies and Mooken,
and use Peridot’s death
as justification?
Even worse,
he’s ready to bring
all of us down with him.
I have to stop this before it begins.
The kelpie
is innocent.
The Mooken
are uninvolved.
But if I don’t step in,
Peridot will be only the first
of countless other casualties.
All of the secrets
of the colony of Myinnkyun
will have to come to light.
Even my own.
Hidden in her desk,
tucked away in a drawer,
are the only kind words
she ever had for me.
The last will and testament
of my mother, Peridot.
I like the implications of the last stanza. Fits very well with Peridot's canon chapter.
I'm not sure how I feel about Hotspur referring to Peridot as a 'loathsome shrew,' which, IIRC, is a quote straight from the original collection. A bit jarring.
Also of slight concern is the section where Hot rattles off all the canon dreamers, as well as a few thoughts about them all. The concept behind it is brilliant—however, the execution is uneven. I don't like how some characters have their analyses fit into one stanza, while others have them drawn out across two or three. In addition, where are Shooting Star and Sunspot? What has the potential to be a brilliant patterned section is left looking a bit ragged.
Hotspur says:
It was an accident, then sets out to stop the town's disinegration.
But the piece stops before letting us know if he manages that or not, so I'm left feeling a little incomplete. And I didn't much care for the sections that recap what we already saw in earlier chapters. I'd much prefer just getting Hotspur's impressions of the characters rather than the summaries. Still, this one does give me an answer I can go with.
Mike
This was long and rambly, and also missed what I think was an important point – it didn’t explain who Palei Hantu is. In the end, it came up with an idea for how Peridot died – accidentally, by her own hand – but it just didn’t feel very punchy as a resolution, and was way too long as a recap.
The premise behind this piece was quite good and allowed it to be quite thorough in explaining the author's findings. The relationship between the Nightmare and Peridot is interesting and unique, and I noticed that many of the incorporated observations mirrored my own notes on the story.
That said, I don't find this resolution to the story to be very striking. It's rather personal, which in that respect makes it similar to the other chapters, but a part of this is lost with how.much time was spent focusing on the dreams of the other characters. The chapter feels torn between explaining a conclusion for the strange events and developing the Nightmare as a character. It also doesn't provide many satisfying conclusions for Myinnkyun's mysteries (for example, it basically brushed off U Low Kene's contribution).
I found the incorporation of lines from the story to have a largely negative impact on the piece. For example, why would Hotspur call his mother a "loathsome shrew"? I think lines like that are the central cause for the disconnect within the story that I mentioned above: it's as if we're reading the thoughts of two different Hotspurs: the innocent (not quite the right word, but I think it will suffice) nocturne and the professional Nightmare.
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> "loathsome shrew"
Speaking just as a reader: the way I interpreted that was that those were the words Moonstruck used, to his face, and Hotspur was struggling to come up with some rebuttal in the face of that. If that was the intention, it might have been cleared to put it in direct quotes, but I think I get where it was going.
The story isn't absolutely clear that it was Shooting Star there (it could have been someone else), but it is a valid reading to say that it was. However, I don't think it is necessarily an invalid reading to say it wasn't, either.
How is this a discrepency? It isn't necessarily the case that it will happen; some people are worried about it, others aren't.
They treat it as a known fact; them knowing about the presence of the changeling previously from their dream excursions isn't implausible.
For some reason, I just can't get the first line of this thing out of my head.
My father was a Night Guard,
And I would be one too,
If I could leave this island,
forget my dreams of you.
You sank beneath the water,
cold blue and crystal clear,
The peace that you were seeking,
It found you, mother dear.
And now I'm stuck with cleaning
the mess you left behind.
To go and die is one thing,
It's all this work I mind!
I skim the dreams of strangers,
Ponies I never knew.
I'm sick of all this thinking!
Just tell me - Who killed who?
I'll have a name in moments,
A crook to take the blame.
Cabotage! You're the killer!
I'm done here - buck this game!
I'm off to be a Night Guard,
Tides take this isle of fools!
I won't live in a palace,
but Night Guards follow rules.
None of this stupid squabbling,
No bicker, rue, or strife,
Concerning who said what thing,
or who kissed who's bat wife!
I'll catch the first old trawler,
yacht, schooner, galleon, raft,
I'll work my way or simply
'persuade' them with my craft.
But I will be a Night Guard.
Just watch me! It will come!
And swapping tales, I'll tell them,
the Dreams of Myinnkyun.
Please, author, don't take this as any sort of commentary on your writing. I just had to write this, because of the things in my head. I'm sure you understand.
6473490
i.istockimg.com/file_thumbview_approve/9699690/6/stock-photo-9699690-stop-police.jpg
Stop right there, criminal scum!
Writing rhyming verse? In 2015? I don't think so. Did you seriously think you could get away with this? That the Modern Poetry Police™ wouldn't find out? Think again, buddy. Your unfettered dedication to rhyme and meter is polluting our fair city! It's free verse or bust here. Buy a beret and start smoking a cigarette on a dimly lit stage or get the fuck out of town.
You're going away for a long time, pal. You're in luck, though; I hear they like your kind in Poetry Prison™.
Take him away, boys!
But I seriously do like your poem a lot. Congrats, author of this entry--your poem has begotten more poems! It's a frenzy!
6473490
I see someone's been taking seriously the talk about writing recursive fic of the recursive fic in an effort to complete the circle and get this into Never The Final Word. It just might work, ya bastads.