A terrifying creature has arrived in Ponyville and is attacking a young pegasus filly named Lightning Strike. Rainbow Dash and her friends try to save her, but when they do, Scootaloo is put in serious danger as the creature starts to use her as a pawn.
Not long ago Rainbow adopted Scootaloo as her own daughter. The creature offers Rainbow Dash a deal. Leave with Scootaloo and be safe, or fight and risk her daughter being killed. Rainbow knows she can't abandon a filly, even one she doesn't know very well, but with her daughter being targeted, she may be compelled to do some things she'll eventually regret.
However, if you're interested, here is the story that precedes this one, though it isn't necessary to enjoy this story:
You're Wanted)
Image sources:
http://uxyd.deviantart.com/art/Windswept-Rainbow-Dash-351415840
http://otfor2.deviantart.com/art/Scootaloo-Doubtful-342270126
editors:
EarthRainbow
dude, break up the wall of text. It will make reading your story easier.
6588291
Not sure to what you are referring this time. The paragraphs are small and all indented. What do you mean?
6589316 It's common on this site (and others) not to indent your paragraphs but to leave a line of white space between them, this visually makes it easier to focus.
I think it is right to make Fluttershy and Pinkie like that, but I think it is a little bit far as for them truly wanting to kill somepony over hurting a foal. I myself, most likely, would have acted the same way if someone got hurt, friend or family. But, great story anyway! Keep it up!
Can't wait for more!
Liked the story faved the story
Only complaint and it ties in
Your not 2 good at making intros no offence meant at all
But like last time I feel this is idk jumbled
You made the start a bit weird (Sorry i cant really quote as I am not 100% sure where the error lies) and , just like last time the start has the first person rainbow dash colliding with other characters.
But as for I not getting quotes to solve it I understand if you dont bother fixing it
And for the pinkie fluttershy eh....
Fluttershy yes
Pinkie no, Pinkie wants everyone to be happy
I see well to be honest rainbow to be agitated more because not for the kid but for loyalty for ponyvilles civilians
Apart from that Still faving
GL on more
Was that a Lightning Phantom?
6589816
Kind of a mystery right now.
6589358
Is there a button for that? I always thought adding a space looked wierd.
6591108 If there is I don't know it. I do mine manually. It's your story format it how you want, but the wall of text makes it harder to read.
6591165
I'll think about it. It actually bothers me to see unnecessary spacing, as no real books do that. Also, working 7 days a week like I've been doing lately, doing these stories is becoming hard, let alone needing to make superfluous changes. Nothing against your suggestion, but I probably won't do it.
6589477
Your comments are often hard to understand. If you're referring to the journal entry of Dr. Gray, I have to agree, it was dramatic, but made very little sense. It also kinda flew in the face of a multi perspective story and threatened to make things a little chaotic. I removed it.
Wow, I never thought that Twilight could get so angry. I mean, I understand why, but damn. I literally had to take a few steps back. Heck of a good chapter, though. I Would most likely have the same reaction as her as in I want to see this person, or pony, dead. And off of this world where he can't hurt anyone else. Anyways, great chapter, keep it up!
6727378
Yea he's a bad guy. No spoilers on his fate though, sorry.
I think a lot of fimfic writers are either okay with rewriting the characters' personalities a bit from the show (which is fine) or they forget that Twi and her friends are anything but special forces operatives. Stuff kinda like this is dropped on them because they're the element bearers, but they were never prepared for it. And if the last episode of season four is any indication, they really can snap. By this point, I think Twi especially is probably developing anger issues. Spike is likely the only thing keeping her from going nuts. I think in the end, it's a good thing Twilight's throw down with Trek didn't end in her winning by overpowering him in anger. Pretty sure we would have a very different character if that happened. (Yes, I know it's a show, Goku witnessed his world blowing up how many times and never changed, but I'm, for the moment, trying to see how things might have worked if they were close to real.)
Incredible chapter good sir
6745220
Thanks.
This is going to be good, I know it!
i am enjoying it so far. Can't wait for the next part
6748067
6748025
Thankyou both.
FIGHT TIME!!! Yes!
Dear lord this chapter is insane. I-I don't know what to write. AJ, thank goodness she is alive, at least. The CMC, Twi, Pinkie, Rarity, and Rainbow all hurt but Flutters. I knew this was going to be good. Great job.
Now, I wish I was there to somehow help them out, but I know I would most likely be of no help,but at least I could do something to aid them. Also, Luna and Ceslstia having fear, that is when you know it is really bad.
6769429
Thanks!
Since this isn't an episode of Bleach, the bad guy is never going to stand around blabbing about his strategy so the audience knows why it worked.
Allow me to do so here for anyone curious, however, it may be more fun not to know, just to be honest.
Gray first used psychological warfare on Rainbow, observing while cloaked that his attacks also had an effect on Twilight, then when the battle officially first started he quickly exploited Rarity's per-existing injury (an injury that came from an "accident"). With Rainbow and Twilight fighting in anger, at that point he was only fighting three ponies at the top of their game, not six. He probably underestimated Apple Jack, but fighting an earth pony at range is always a good bet, especially if they can't see you, so one thrown knife and two more ponies were out of the fight, seeing as the group would never leave one of their own to die (common battle strategy, aim to injure, not kill, you take out at least two soldiers instead of one). Next he used his teeth, which most reasonable people would never expect to work, to officially take out Rainbow Dash. By this point he was fighting Pinkie and a terrified Twilight (Pinkie was probably pretty scared too). Twilight's fear delayed her reactions, giving him enough time to dispatch Pinkie. Finally he took advantage of Twilight's tendancy to let her opponents talk to get close to her and take out the final an most dangerous element bearer. The entire fight, to nullify Pinkie and Twilight's ranged attacks, he kept close to their friends so they couldn't fire anything but well aimed shots. He had also been studying them all before this battle by stalking them. Basically, Gray had been fighting our heroes for the entire month, they just now became aware that there even was a battle. His power is also a little more dangerous than Twilight realized, but he has been playing his cards a little close to his chest, so she had no way of knowing that until now.
6769429
If you think about it, other than AJ, the two hit hardest by the defeat are two ponies we'll never see the perspectives of, Apple Bloom and Lightning Strike. Apple Bloom for obvious reasons and Lightning because this is basically her worst nightmare come to life. Good thing they have their friends, especially in Lightning's case as she's not a stable filly to begin with. Course, he has the least reasons to be upset, but I wouldn't envy Dusk either, poor little guy is probably on auto pilot by this point.
Oh no that ending. Great chapter by the way. I can't believe that they have to leave. I wish great luck on the night and day guard. I also hope AJ will be ok. Anyway, this will be good for sure.
Errr...
Did Gray follow them? If so, does this mean Scootaloo will have to stay with the night guard (asuming she too is being hunted)? If not, is he hunting RD instead?
Questions in my head. Good Chapter anyway, can't wait for the next.
6788826
I have to be honest, even I don't know how AJ is coming out of this. The story has already forced itself to be of the variety that if I continue in this universe after it's over, there can't be a reset button. There is just now way everything can go back to normal. Beyond that though, just stay along for the ride everyone!
Oh god damnit he's not dead is he
6820210 looks like it
Assuming next chapter is the last: good chapter!
TBH, I think that Gray IS dead, but I do have a little doubt though. I can wait for more! What is next for little Lightning Strike? Oh, I really can't wait!
Damn... I Guess RD needs councelling then. I didn't expect that to happen.
6842614
Thanks.
6842614
6821090
6820210
Thanks you three, sorry I didn't thankyou earlier.
So there's the reason for that new chapter in You're Wanted. And the aftermath of it...
It works for me. Hopefully there will be more chapters, or another story, continuing their lives
6872656 Thanks. What do you think of Moonstone so far? Decent OC so far?
6873935 I've never seen a bat pony OC before, but the character seems great.
Err...why get Moonstone attacked exactly??
6910051 Not sure what you mean. He wasn't attacked. He's expecting one because a large group of ponies are gathering outside his base on the same day as several VIPs just happen to be showing up. Also this is in the wake of the champions of Equestria being defeated several times by one pony, one who is very unlikely to have been alone in his efforts.
6910133 I meant why is Moonstone getting himself attacked?
However, I get that he anticipates an attack.
6910233
You mean why is he on the front line? That one was not answered in story. I'm assuming Equestria is militarily like old Europe or the middle east way back when. Officers who couldn't hold their own in battle weren't considered good enough for command. Moonstone is a general not only because of intelligence, but he's also probably one of the best fighters in the country. The biggest mistake would probably be not putting him in the fight. Different times, different strategies. These days we pull our leaders back, which keeps them alive and keeps the troops organized, but often gives officers inflated egos and disconnection from their soldiers, often encouraging them to take unnecessary risks.
I knew that fucker wasn't dead. Also I'm fighting this with a nose bleed. Don't know why I have it
6933767
Thanks.
It was funny seeing Discord here act so...chaotic?
6963229
Cool, thanks. He's a hard character to pin down. I love Discord for stories with moral dilemmas or that focus on comedy or really anything except... action/horror. He kinda kills all the tension. So I hope you like my reason why he doesn't fight. Come to think of it, this is now my head cannon. Discord doesn't kill because he is actually repulsed by the idea and he rarely if ever seriously fights because he both doesn't enjoy war, and he doesn't see himself as a good guy anyway.
Still I must admit, I loved having him turn Rainbow Dash into a movie theater projector and then her having to explain how the heck that even works to Lightning Strike. Just how would you explain that to a new comer?
6963307 I think it's mine too...somehow
Maybe me nitpicking, but found this. Otherwise, an interesting chapter.
7017680
What's wrong? The grammar? Otherwise, no one was saying Gray was in the right, just that was his reasoning.
Also, thanks.
7025229 The error was considering that, normally, I saw you write "everypony", unless I'm seeing things. In that case, I'm sorry for any confusion.
7026867
I use that term sometimes, but especially in stories that have a darker or more emotional tone, I just prefer "everyone". In any case, "everypony" isn't appropriate in that sentence, considering both context and speaker. Remember Luna tends to try to speak in a more Victorian style. I should probably emphasize accents more, but I keep being afraid of sounding unnatural of being very hard to understand.
Again, thankyou for trying to correct me, it can be helpful.
I'm not quite a fan of stories in which rainbow is a person of responsibility (not really a fan of rainbow-scootaloo-stories at all since I can't relate to this situation even the slightest), but heck, this villain caught all of my attention. he made such a strong entrance, and even though he was self confident and calm, he wasn't arrogant in any way. he knew his borders and didn't try to fight the mane six. and I do love a villain that knows when it's time to fold.
overall, it was written very well. only one or two things that bugged me:
in my view, that the introduction lacks informations, but we get into the spirit of things pretty fast, so that's not a real take-down.
also, rainbow dash and fluttershy were the only one that seemed to be in-character to me, but now that I think about it, that's mostly because we never saw the mane six in a situation where someone got actually hurt, so we don't know how they'd be acting in such a situation. but still, twilight going all "bossy-pants" on rainbow seemed a little bit ooc to me. but since the focus is not on her, that's no damage at all.
7078005
Thanks.
I remember Twi taking charge a few times in the show, Especially the season 4 premier when Celestia and Luna went missing. Her friends are generally her weakness in this area, as they pretty much only follow her if her orders are in line with what they want to do anyway. She can sometimes reason with them, like with Rainbow's wonder bolt history test, but over time it becomes obvious she has no real control over any of them. Still, I think in an instant she's usually on top of things. Now, as a situation draws out and continues, that's when she gets... scary...
But hey, I can see what you mean, she doesn't take charge very often, all that being said.