The second staff meeting of the day. Disruptive as hell for the classes, but that was nothing compared to what came next.
Luna slammed her hands on the table, summoning the room to order. “Alright, guys. A horde of zombies are about to attack the school…”
She winced as the inevitable sounds of celebration went off, then finished. “And we can’t kill them.”
The noise died at once, replaced by confused silence. Luna explained. “Principal Cinch has infected her students with brain worms and is leading them here. She’s looking to have them bite and control our student body so she can engineer scandals to destroy Canterlot High.”
Cranky coughed into his sleeve. “Bitch.”
Luna rolled her eyes. “Yeah, we know. Anyway, the kids themselves are innocent, so we need to figure out a countermeasure that doesn’t involve automatic weapons. I think that we–”
Redheart cut in with a snort. “Send all the students home? Let Cinch attack an empty school.”
Luna made to respond, but Harshwhinny spoke first. “Result: they pursue us to the residential areas, possibly spreading the infection as they go. Cinch’s fixation on Canterlot High might be all that’s keeping this contained.”
“Point,” Luna said. “So I’m thinking–”
“We seal the building.” Cranky racked his pistol to punctuate the words. “Make it a fortress. Take my old sniper rifle, look for Cinch, and give her a new nostril.”
Luna held up a hand. “Well actually–”
Cheerilee shook her head. “Too few of us. They find one unguarded window and all we’ll have done is lock ourselves in. I’m thinking we fort up in the gym. There’s room for all the students, and it’s small enough that we can actually cover all the entrances.”
“I don’t–”
“Much as Iron Will loves his gym…” Iron Will’s words brought a loud groan out of Luna. He blinked at her, uncomprehending, before he finished. “If we take ourselves out of the picture like that, Cinch can just throw her students at us until we’re overrun.”
Whooves looked up from his phone. “So we don’t take ourselves from the picture. We barricade our students in the gym, but we fight from outside. Ideally then while Crystal Prep is laying siege, we’ll get our chance at Cinch.”
Harshwhinny’s natural frown deepened. “By ‘we,’ you mean ‘you,’ correct?”
“Don’t you think things are desperate enough for me to help fight?”
“No.”
Redheart’s laconic voice came from her spot at the window. “Good a plan as any. Not to sound alarmist, but like eight school buses just pulled up.”
“Crap,” Cheerilee squeaked. She fumbled for her pistol, speaking quickly. “I wish Celestia was here. I mean, what do we all do?”
Luna brightened. “Well, Iron Will should–”
“Iron Will, hold the gym entrance.” Harshwhinny pointed at him. “Incapacitate any Crystal Prep student that comes your way. Whooves, organize the students to get the place fortified.”
Cranky Doodle nodded and followed up. “Right. I’ll get my bolt-action, Nagatha, you grab the big ol’ shotgun Celestia keeps in her desk. God knows what kind of vampire Cinch is, so silver in a handgun might not take her down. Cheerilee, you herd students to the gym, and don’t be afraid to club a preppie if it means not getting bit.”
“I’ll grab my phosphorus bomb.” Redheart looked just a little too happy with the announcement. “I’ll only get one shot, but hey, that’s all I need.”
Celestia wasn’t here to tell her ‘no.’ Harshwhinny nodded. “Right. Break.”
“What about me?” Luna asked.
The others paused. A few uncomfortable glances were shared before Whooves put forth the solution. “Go on the P.A. and tell the students. Get them moving, but also try not to start a panic.”
A high-pitched, wince-inducing squeal brought the school speakers to life. Students looked up from books and lunches, curious what the second announcement of the day would bring. Some were already whispering guesses as to who ‘Sunset got in trouble’ when Vice Principal Luna’s voice cracked through.
“May I have your attention, please. The entire student body of Crystal Prep has surrounded the school and is presently charging from all sides. They will seek to bite you, which will spread their infection and make you like them. Please proceed to the gym as quickly as humanly possible. Your faculty will try to protect those of you who make it. Thank you.”
With a last squeal, the speakers turned off.
Utter, complete, and deathly silence fell upon the lunch hall.
Then, Sonata began to scream.
She was not the last. And over the din, a crash could be heard as the front doors slammed in, and music flooded the school.
“Oh, yeah!” Lemon Zest screamed as she rode the wave of Crystal Prep students through the door. Her boom box thudded its tune over one arm, the other pointing dramatically forward. “You know what everyone says! Crystal Prep bites.”
“Go Crystal Prep!” Sour Sweet cheered. She grabbed the first Canterlot student and bit him on the shoulder. She spat blood and chewed her tongue, finishing with a grumbled, “Really. It bites.”
Cinch followed at a sedate pace, watching with annoyance as her mob overwhelmed the ill-lucked students by the main door. Disorderly, violent, undisciplined… and loud. The brain worms enforced her will, but sadly left her minions’ personalities intact. Especially regrettable for Miss Zest.
Still: needs-musts.
Celestia slammed in her last clip. She fired as she raised the gun, unfortunately only hitting the ghast in the leg. At least it staggered and tripped the six swarming behind it.
Sunset had been less disciplined with her ammo. “I’m dry!” she shrieked. She flashed the damn silly light gun around in front of her. The ghasts on her end flinched, more from surprise than pain. It bought the hunters a second.
Celestia fired again, hitting a face. Again, into another damn leg. Twelve shots left. No end to the ghasts.
No fear. She had a plan.
The grenade would go to the back hallway, where they had come from. That would be the egress – the fire doors would be closed, but not locked. State regulations said they couldn’t be, and Cinch, of course, would never risk a safety violation staining her school. Celestia would call for Sunset to run for it. That Celestia would be right behind. Sunset would flee, taking the steps two at a time, and ram right through the doors. Into the light.
Ghasts were faster than humans. And Celestia still had… now, eight bullets left.
Sunset would turn. Celestia would not be there. No hope for poor Cadence, either, but that couldn’t be helped. Sunset would be safe, and that was the priority.
Six bullets left. Had to act now, while she could slow the ghasts.
A four-year old memory popped into her head: A nightmare rousing her from slumber, that set her into a fit of weeping that woke Luna. Different than the usual nightmare.
“I was in a nursing home,” Celestia had told her sleepy sister. “Old and withered. I had forgotten everything, and I kept calling for mother. That’s going to be me one day. I’ll forget everything, then disappear.”
Luna had waited for the tears to end before responding. “Tia? Trust me when I say you’ll look on this in the morning and laugh. We’re vampire hunters. That’s not in the cards for us.”
The words weren’t exactly pleasant, but coming from Luna, they were. Her cynical, bitter humor was familiar and comforting, and Celestia had been able to get back to sleep.
Celestia’s mouth quirked upwards. Strange, the things one thinks about.
“Not in the cards.”
Four bullets. Now or nev–
“I have an idea!” Sunset screamed.
Celestia already had one hand on the grenade. “What?”
“Take off your pants!”
Celestia’s mind froze, but instinct kept her moving. Two shots, two more dead ghasts. Two bullets left.
“…What?”
“THERE’S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN, TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!”
Two more shots. The gun clicked empty.
No choice, now. Celestia dropped the gun and frantically undid her belt. Her slip-on shoes fell away along with the purple slacks. She stumbled out of them as quickly as she could, not even daring to wonder what in the actual hell was going on.
Sunset was practically spinning in place, using the pinpoint light to keep the swarm at bay. But they were realizing the instant’s touch did no damage, and some had already begun to charge once more.
“On your back! Stick up your legs! Do it!”
Celestia obediently laid down. She winced and closed her eyes as the cold linoleum touched through her white underwear, but she thrust her legs to the ceiling and braced for death.
“Make a wish,” Sunset muttered. She pointed her light gun at the pale pink legs and fired.
What happened next was… a religious moment. Sunset knew Celestia’s legs had a way of amplifying light, and sure enough, they glowed neon under the focused brilliance. But it didn’t stop there. Whiteness blurred out the rest of Sunset’s vision, and noise like the ocean filled her ears. Colors spilled out from the legs, but these were no colors Sunset had ever seen. They were impossible, like the color of sound, taste, or love. Dozens of them – and with each new color, she forgot the last.
The ocean’s roar fell to an odd pattering sound. Sunset realized it hadn’t been the ocean, but a hundred undead bodies turning to ash, and now falling to the floor.
Through it all, the long neon legs remained unchanged. They turned sideways now…
Oh. No, they hadn’t turned sideways. Sunset had fallen over.
“We’re at the car, Sunset. Let me get the door open for you.”
Sunset let Celestia guide her into the passenger seat. Muscle memory let her pull down the seat belt while Celestia got in on the other side.
Sunset blinked, and the leg-shaped sunspots invaded the whiteness in her vision. But they were smaller than before, and the whiteness around was greying. She smiled as the car began to move. “I can see the motion. I’m definitely getting better.”
“Good.” Celestia’s voice came from her left. “We’re going to make a quick stop at home first for guns and ammo. I also have a Taser; it might help deal with infected students.”
“Good plan.”
They drove in silence for a moment before Celestia asked, “How did you know that would happen? With the, ah, legs and all.”
“I knew that your legs amplify direct light; I saw it with the hall light once when you were asleep. I definitely didn’t think they would work so well, but we were out of options.”
“Not quite,” Celestia said quietly.
“Hm?”
“Never mind.” Celestia gave Sunset a smile, though it probably went unseen. “Just… when we tell people about this, can we say we fought them off the normal way?”
“Sure thing.” Sunset returned the smile as they pulled onto the freeway, and Celestia stepped on the gas.
No need to apologize.
Well, I'm kinda sad the song wasn't Ballroom Blitz, but whatever. Neon legs are neat though.
That... Was ridiculous. Also, Luna, your bluntness is gonna be the end of you someday and it might just be today.
I do hope Principal Bitch gets what's coming to her.
But her as a vampire has given me an idea on how I can implement her into my Yo-kai Watch crossover...
Well, that's one problem dealt with. Now to go kill Cinch. After which, there shall be much rejoicing.
... Someone come up with a fitting joke about Celestia's legs, I'm too enraptured by the hilarious choice of music for the Crystal Prep attack.
Good lord that was insane and hilarious. Celestia's legs are apparently functional in ways no one would suspect. Cranky's "new nostril" remark was great, I have never heard that before. I need to find a way to use that in a conversation. Poor Luna though, no one takes her seriously. Great chapter.
Only one thing to say
I see "Ballroom Blitz" and all i can think of is Dennis Miller fighting a bordello full of vampire prostitutes using a Super Soaker loaded with Holy Water... which is surprisingly apt given the nature of this story.
7698389 Actually, considering Luna's being ignored all the time, and generally treated like a doorstop right now, I could see her frustration at losing while everyone's ignoring her leading to a Nightmare Moon episode. Here's the thing though: If she's doing it to prove she's not a pushover, might she tap into the power of the Equestrian magic in the school at large to become heroic? Bear in mind, it's not just the brightly-shining characters in the show that are the good guys. Twilight vs. Demoness Sunset was definitely a fight of Light vs. Dark, and in that fight, Dark won. And everyone was saved because of it. The same thing might happen here, too.
7698438
I'm wondering if there is an actual reason for the team to ignore Luna, or if is only a gag.
Sooo, is Principal Celestia in some way or form related to Ragyo Kiryuin from Kill La Kill? One generates insane light and color from the inside of her hair and the other from her legs. No way in hell you can convince me that is a coincidence!
7698438
Hmm, yes, I can see Luna go all Ilidan here. Y´know, just as human Nightmare Moon variant.^^
Yeah, that's about right.
Which is weird, You'd think an ancient vampire would give less of a fuck over a TIE in a SPORTS COMPETITION, which, let's be real, doesn't mean jack shit in the long run.
He's right.
... you are a weird motherfucker.
I knew she had legs, but this...
Really? Just really.
Take your pants off,lay down,and spread you're legs. Let me show you what my flash light can do.
Trying really hard not to laugh. Hell trying really hard not to smile. I am at work right now and they will assign you more work if they catch you smiling.
If I was into legs then Celestia would be my jam.
All of the laughter!
if any of those Ghast was capable of thought I could see them think this.
"I SEEN THE LIGHT OH THE GOLRIOUS GLORIOUS LIGHT!!" Before turning to ash.
That is all.
Dangit Luna, the idea was to not have them panic...
wait, why was Sonata at CHS again? were the Dazzlings going to school or is it just her?
That was the best one yet.
On the one hand, nice to see the hunters can mostly coordinate themselves without Celestia there to herd them. On the other hand, sad to see Luna so... neglected. I remember a line from a TV show, something like worse than being alone is being alone in a crowd. Having the more senior Harshwhinny there doesn't help, as while Luna is Vice-Principal, that doesn't apply to hunter matters and she's still stuck with the junk jobs. Not to mention that's not what you should say over the PA, ever. Not that there is ever a good way to handle a situation like this, but still.
Fun to see the Crystal Prep students are still kind of themselves. Wonder if the Sirens could try to ally themselves with Finch. And either the Humane Six will join the fighting... or get infected fast. Maybe both.
That is... one of the most insane solutions to fighting monsters I have ever heard of. What are you drinking to come up with this stuff?! And I hope you keep it up, that was hilarious. Just some temporary blindness to deal with. Luna's probably right that neither of them will make it to retirement, but with Sunset around at least their chances of reaching that age dramatically increase.
See I always knew Celestia's legs were a godsend.
Bruh.
derpicdn.net/img/2015/12/2/1035524/large.png
I want to know... more about Celestia's glorious, holy legs.
7698502 I'm guessing it's because Luna's portrayed as both extremely damaged goods, emotionally, and very childish in overall development. She really isn't very responsible, and thus, is probably treated as less than adult by the others. Also, don't forget that most of them are seriously damaged goods themselves. But to use a Buffy example, most of them are Buffy, Wesley and his team, and so on. Luna is Dawn.
An army of teenage zombies. Wonder if anyone will jeer Sunset about Cinch stealing her old evil plan?
#LegGod
7699062 Other way 'round, probably.
Behold the power of *SSNNRRK*
Be-Behold the pow *PPPHHHFFT*
The p *LEGIT GIGGLE*
Power equivalent to a friendship cannon supernova!
I imagine the ghasts converted before disintegrating. Wouldn't you?
7698814
Headcanon/fic-canon that the sirens still attend CHS. They've come up a few times before now.
7699470 Ah. I remember Harshwhinny mentioning them, but didn't recall them being in the actual school. it's been a while.
I...I don't...I don't know what I expected, but that certainly was not it.
persephonemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/mal-speechless.gif
http://i.imgur.com/TbEWQEp.mp4
My comment from the last chapter made that fight look awesome... I'm not sure what to think. Maybe that was what Lex Luthor saw on that one animated Superman movie.
LL: "No! No, let me see them again!"
SM: "It's too late for me now. And it is too late for you..." or something like that.
Do I foresee Luna falling to Nightmare with how she's being constantly ignored and unappreciated as well as Celestia being favoured over her all the time?
What I planned on playing for this chapter:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQBqSt15Vi0
What I ended up playing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TgO-tN5wAM
You magnificent bastard. I assumed that night was some kind of foreshadowing.
I hadn't the foggiest clue that it was a damn Chekhov's Gun!
7704718
At this point in the fic, I think a more apt name would be "Chekhov's Armory." Which I think I might use as a chapter title.
7704311
"Death by Glamor"? Love it!
7704779
Nice.
Maybe Chekhov's Arms? It keeps the cadence the same as Chekhov's Gun and doubles as a pun on the leg thing!
need more chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7704807
Chekov's Armory is the correct term. ALso "Chekov's Gag".
That was freaking beautiful. And hilarious too.
I am so glad I rediscovered this story, you've certainly made something of it since I last checked it out. I love how Celestia, Luna, and Sunset's relationship as family have developed, and you've managed to have a great sense of humor despite the frankly horrific things they're dealing with. Definitely getting Buffy the Vampire slayer vibes here in terms of humor, but gloriously without all the melodrama that ruined the series.
Anyway, I can't wait to see what more you do with this. This story is just so much fun!
My legs do the same thing, though not as extreme.
I half expected to hear ZZ Top going during the last part of that fight scene.