In Which Spitfire Has A Perfectly Normal Day
It was a nice, clear, sunny day in Cloudsdale. The floating city was bustling, everypony was enjoying their day, nothing could go wrong. Spitfire, captain of The Wonderbolts, a legendary pegasus flight team, was simply strolling through the streets, humming to herself. She was on her way to the market, saddlebag in tow. She was to pick up some apples; she was starting to run low on food. She thought to herself, Beautiful day out. I feel as though nothing, absolutely nothing, can ruin this day. Spitfire trotted along with a positive atmosphere.
This positivity halted, however, when a young blue pegasus filly with a rainbow mane and tail was standing in front her, staring into Spitfire's eyes, bearing a simple-minded smile upon her face.
"Mommy!" she called.
Spitfire looked around. She'd assumed this filly was calling out to a pony behind or above her. "Mommy!" the filly repeated. Spitfire bore a confused look, raising one eyebrow and her mouth agape slightly. She pointed at herself for the filly.
All the filly did was stare at Spitfire with that cute little smile. Spitfire became concerned. Where was this little one's mother?
"Mommy!"
Spitfire thought nothing of it and just continued along. Her stomach growled at her, demanding she makes haste for the market. She thought aloud.
"What was up with that? Why was that little filly calling me 'Mommy?' I never had children before. What's going on?" Whatever the answer, Spitfire closed her eyes and assured herself that maybe this whole caper would be easier to decipher after some lunch. She opened her eyes again, only to be greeted by a smiling blue filly.
"Mommy!" the filly said, sitting down. Spitfire double-took. Wasn't the filly behind her? All the filly did was bore that simple, cute little smile and stare.
I'm not gonna lie, that smile is extremely adorable, Spitfire thought.
Then something happened that the yellow orange pegasus never foresaw: the filly clung to Spitfire's front right leg, holding it gently and closing its eyes, keeping that little smile. Spitfire couldn't help but smile herself. "Mommy!" the filly said once more. That seemed to add to the adorable scene. A few ponies noticed, and when Spitfire snapped out of her trance, they cooed, "Awww!" Spitfire realized she had to get out of there (not to mention she was starving). She decided to fly. She flapped her wings and took to the air. The blue filly slipped right off her leg. The filly started to cry (by now the crowd had broken up, so nopony witnessed the filly crying). Spitfire's ears caught the sound, and as she flew higher, the good part of her conscience made her reconsider leaving the filly in the dust. She flapped her wings slower and slower and began her descent. She was back on the ground.
"Hey, chin up. Don't cry," Spitfire said. This seemed to comfort the filly, who proceeded to cling to her leg once more.
"Mommy..." she replied in a loving and forgiving voice. Spitfire giggled.
"Alright, let's go to the market. I'm sure your mother is there," she said. The filly gave her a confused look. Spitfire commented, "Let's just go to the market." She placed the filly on her back and trotted along to her destination.
The Cloudsdale market wasn't very busy (it was, after all, two o'clock in the afternoon). Ponies were shouting, "Asparagus! If you care about asparagus, get your asparagus here!" and "Cherries! I 'cherries' the moment you buy some cherries!" among other business ramblings and advertisements. Spitfire could do some more shopping later. Her priorities were: 1.) Get some apples, and 2.) Find this filly's mother.
"Mommy!" the filly cried out, pointing to a cupcake stand.
"Fine, we'll get you some cupcakes," Spitfire sighed. Each cupcake was three bits each. Spitfire got two, one for her, one for this mysterious filly. The filly munched on her vanilla chocolate cupcake with small, almost rhythmic bites. She thought the filly would get lost in it as she sat down at a nearby table, enjoying her plain vanilla one (which she consumed in 4 bites). It felt good to ease some of her hunger pains, and it was made better with the filly's adorable style of eating. When all was said and done, the filly had cupcake remains all over her face. Spitfire giggled and got a napkin to wipe it off, while also wiping her residue off. She helped the filly back onto her back and approached the apple stand.
"A dozen apples, please," she said to the salespony.
"That'll be twenty-four bits, madame," he remarked. Spitfire gave the proper sum, and proceeded to walk away. While walking, she noticed that the spot the filly occupied on her back was weightless and vacant.
Celestia, please tell me she didn't fall off, she thought. She turned around, afraid to look. Her fear soon turned to astonishment when she realized the filly was flying (amateurish, but impressive for the filly's assumed age, nonetheless). This kids, what? Four, and she's able to fly? I wasn't able to fly until six! she thought once more.
"Mommy! Mommy!" the filly called out once more, clearly with the purpose of making Spitfire watch her. All the latter did was stare at the little tricks the filly was doing, speechless, her mouth widely agape.
"Wow..." she remarked. "Kiddo, you got style."
From this response, the blue filly beamed an enormous smile, clearly pleased with the response.
"Okay, now, let's get you home," Spitfire remarked. Before she could even begin walking, a similarly-maned pegasus as the filly rushed up to her.
"Oh, thank you so much for finding my little Dashie, Ms. Spitfire! I've been looking high and low for her!" the mare said, relieved and pleased. "Dashie, don't ever go about without Mommy from now on, okay?"
"Mommy..."
"Wait a second... Dashie?" Spitfire asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry. This is Rainbow Dash, my daughter. Sorry if she caused any disturbance. She tends to do her own thing, you know?" the mare replied.
"She called me 'Mommy' and hugged my leg," Spitfire remarked. "Don't get me wrong, it was extremely cute and adorable, but I have trouble wrapping my head around it."
"Oh, she likes hugging things and 'Mommy' is the only word she knows."
"Oh. Just keep an eye on her from now on, okay?" Spitfire requested.
"I will! Thank you, Ms. Spitfire!" the mare said, and flew off.
"Remember that, Spitfire?" Rainbow Dash asked her mentor.
"Just make sure that history lesson doesn't get out to the public, okay?" Spitfire requested.
"Sure thing... Mommy!" Dash giggled. Spitfire returned with a bemused look.
"...Yeah, I'll go home, now," the blue pegasus replied, and flew off.
When you realize the jokes and unintentional references you made in the story:
Came up with this one on the fly. Hope you enjoyed!
EDIT: Let me say this: I do not plan on making a sequel. What's done is done.
However, I'm not saying that you can't make one yourselves (just give me credit for the original if you do). I'm just saying that I personally won't be making a sequel any time soon.
Still, I'm overjoyed that I made you all happy. That's why I want to make a band and make a YouTube empire: to make people happy through doing what I love.It's not about popularity or money or what not.
It's about putting smiles on people's faces. That's my motive for fanfiction, Metal, and gaming. I want to make people happy. The fact that this many people have viewed Mommy! with happiness following... I'm... Overjoyed, which is a feeling I never thought I'd experience again.
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Adorable.
Too good.
Very cute. I loved it. And laughed a lot.
6880059 Glad you did.
So cute!
6880059 Just curious, are you looking for a little constructive feedback? Some authors do, but I don't want to be rude and tell you what I thought your story could do better. Especially since I enjoyed it so much.
The cuteness, it's unbearable!
To much CUTENESS!!!!!!!
6880189 I guess so.
People sometimes say I have a rushing problem with stories. I hoped to alleviate it here. So far, things are working out.
6880277 Okay. I'll have to reread it again to catch the few things that could be worked out. I'll comment again once I do. Best of wishes.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/9/28/989883__safe_solo_screencap_animated_upvotes+galore_smiling_cute_open+mouth_coco+pommel_daaaaaaaaaaaw.gif
That was way too cute.
6880362
So adorable
"Mommy!" Can't deny it one bit. Really cute story.
6880383
Awwww, love it!
How could this site possibly have calculated the number of words in this story to 210?
Dashabetes!
6880619
Math!
6880503 Wow. That is such a positive and uplifting comment, that also happens to be constructive and not completely pointless(!)
I want to see an alternate where it turns out Dashie is actual Spitfire;s daughter from DA FUTURE and she was brought there by Dr. Whooves, but then got loose and attached herself to Spitfire like a filly ballistic missile of overwhelming adorability
Too much sweetness. Damn it, you made me awww out loud and I look like a moron here.
Dash only knows the word, "Mommy," at the age of four! She may be a natural flyer, but she is not a natural egghead.
Not gonna lie that was extremely adorable.
How cute!
One good thing about not knowing how ponies age and how much their bodies can handle - you can come up with stories like this
Kinda meh, really.
Feels way too rushed and the joke is kind of forced.
Despite that, it's not badly written, it just lacks any memorable punch.
~Skeeter The Lurker
6880860 I'm not justifying his comment (really he was probably just trying to get a rise out of people) but how is that much different from other comments, eg:
Neither say anything constructive about why they did or didn't like the story, the only difference is one is positive and the other is negative, so you're just vilifying someone for having a different opinion to you
I did actually dislike the story, but that was because I found boring and lacking any substance, the kind of thing that was hammered out in no time at all for no purpose other than to get cheap likes because people here like cute things
That was sweet! And funny XD
6880990 I respect your opinion, but yes, I did do this on the fly. I honestly really didn't expect it to get this popular.
What can I say? I can't please everyone. If you don't like it, I don't see why you should be hammered down.
6880619 It has a glitch. Believe me, this has happened to me before. Many times.
This fic was so sugary sweet it gave me diabetes.
6881102 I totally get that, you never know what's going to explode here on this site. My main problems with it were that: there was nothing I found to be funny (really I don't know what other people in the comments claim they were laughing at); it's really rushed with nothing significant happening, just a few character bumbling about and then nothing coming of the whole thing; and lastly (and this would be the main problem), that you essentially tell the readers how they should feel, with Spitfire explicitly (and repeatedly) stating outright that Rainbow Dash is adorable, usually for really benign things like smiling (the Joker smiles all the time and I would hesitate calling that adorable), it's like following up every joke (good or bad) with a character loudly declaring how funny they found the joke, or similarly declaring themselves to be sad after something sad happens, readers should be able to infer these things without having to be told in black and white... but considering this story got over 100 likes and featured on the day it was published, what the hell do I know about writing
Mommy!!
6880990 TIL: "Vilify"
This strangly reminded me of the doctor episode - "are you my mommy?" (the scariest dr who episode ever)
I'm dead. I'm dead. This is a cutest thing in the world and I'm just dead.
6881270 Oh god why did you remind me? Looks like I won't be sleeping tonight.
I never knew that it was possible, but I think I actually got diabetes from this story. TOO FRICKIN' CUTE!
Mommy in a totally different sense now ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Now we should have one with Daring Do/ A.K.Yearling.
i think i need a replacement heart cause the one i currently have just exploded from cuteness overload.
... [Silver's heart explodes.]
This picture make me think pf a sad story where upon finding rainbow dash spitfire decides to bring her back to her parents only to discover her parents are kill only a couple hours earily and spitfire takes the little filly in as her new mother. That what I think of that picture.
To much cuteness blow my mind
There is brain all over the wall
Now please be kind
And wash it all.
awww very cute and funny funny ending.
aaaaawwwww so cute even when she was little she was impressing crowds.
Lol that is too funny .
I cherries the moment whenever I see a fantastic pun like this
I give this story a Muffin Rating of: 10 out of 10 muffins!
~SoDF
I know is a short story, but still here are my problems with this.
Pacing, Dash only said 3 times "Mommy" and Spitfire actually ignored her, if we go by your story, too soon to actually complain or question herself that. I would expect that line of thinking when she gets to the market with Dash.
() in gereral, even if its a short story, take your time to give this info not as a side note or extra info, specially with (), kinda breaks the inmersion to a story. Maybe something like:
"Two o'clock in the afternoon, Cloudsdale market wasn´t very busy"
And this is a simple way. But i believe is much better than put "(it was, after all, two o'clock in the afternoon)"
Nonetheless, good luck and congrats on making it to the home page.
For me it was a nice distraction, i didn´t got the diabetes everyone is talking about xD.
I thought Rainbow had Twilight turn her into a filly in an attempt to get closer to her idol.
OMG.
That was so adorable I can't take the cuteness!!!!!!! I would have never thought of this on my own, so I'm very glad you did! DerpHoof!
