A Shy Farewell

You, a great, famous scientist, after many years of being stuck in Equestria, find a way to return home, the only problem is that there is no way back.

Something, or someone, will try to stop you, even though it will be a benefit to everyone... Except for one pony.

Proofread by this guy.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

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ThePonyCaptain

ThePonyCaptain #1 · Jun 20th, 2016 · 3 · ·

The government is always the one to ruin people lives right?

Sipioc

Sipioc #2 · Jun 20th, 2016 · 1 · ·

You are sitting on a metal chair in your bright basement laboratory, looking at the clock, restlessly waiting for someone, whom you invited earlier, came, that someone was Fluttershy, your yellow pegasus pony with pink hair best friend, you love every little detail of her, from her long pink mane to her yellow wings feathers.

This is a very long sentence. Break it up a bit.

Time Reaper

Time Reaper #3 · Jun 27th, 2016 · · ·

7320199

Actually it isn't a long sentence, it's really short compared with the sentences you can find in books. The problem is that it need a better use of commas and periods. Example:

You are sitting on a metal chair in your bright basement laboratory while looking at the clock, restlessly waiting for someone whom you invited earlier to come, that someone was Fluttershy, your yellow pegasus pony with pink hair and best friend, you love every little detail of her, from her long pink mane to her yellow wings feathers.

Time Reaper

Time Reaper #4 · Jun 27th, 2016 · · ·

The story isn't bad either, it only need a fix in some grammar issues, also props on ending it with that sad ending, showing that love doesn't win all the time, but I think you're underestimating the government (the government isn't that dumb). Maybe it would have done that in the past (before the 20th century) but not today.

Now, some things I detected:

Now it is she who blushes.

Now she is the one blushing.

I don't know why Twilight never wanted me to know how it worked, so I moved it here and started studying it by myself.

I'm not sure why Twilight never allowed me to study it, so I took it here and started to analyze it all by myself.

John the brony and yknow

John the brony and yknow #5 · Jun 27th, 2016 · · ·

7342358 Hey Reaper, Yes, like, sad ending, I was sad the day I wrote that.

About the sentences... The first one, you're right, the second one, it's not that Twilight never allowed him to do that, she just didn't want Anon to know how it worked, It's like she avoided talking about it and stuff, your observations are still very appreciated thanks :)

Time Reaper