"I'm tired of everypony making fun of us for our names," said Biff, who was a pony.
"So am I," said Tad, who was also a pony.
"It's so mean," said Gavin, who was yet another pony.
"It's like they don't even know that these are perfectly respectable pony names," said Francois Hideki O'Malley-Singh III, who -- surprisingly -- was also a pony.
"I know what I'm going to do about it," said HomoSapien McHumanName, who was also a pony with a completely ordinary Equestrian pony name. (Srsly, u gaiz! I went to the horse races once, and all the horses at the track had way weirder names than this!) "I'm going to move to Ponyville." It was unclear how this was going to help.
The next day, HomoSapien McHumanName loaded all of his stuff into a cart (Just like that donkey in that one episode, in case you didn't figure it out.) and left town. (See story description for a complete inventory of what he took with him.) After walking for a bunch of days, he arrived in Ponyville. (I'm planning writing a sequel that talks about all the places he went to when he was walking. It'll be like a tour guide.)
When he got to town, he met Pinkie Pie. "Hi, my name is Pinkie Pie," said Pinkie Pie.
"My name is HomoSapien McHumanName," said HomoSapien McHumanName.
"That's a perfectly normal pony name," said Pinkie Pie. HomoSapien McHumanName was glad he moved to Ponyville.
"Thank you," he said.
"I'm going to throw you a welcome party," said Pinkie Pie.
"Okay," said HomoSapien McHumanName.
"Come with me," she said. She led him to a big building that looked like a gingerbread house that looked like a bakery. Instead of going through the front door, they went to the back door and up the stairs into a bedroom that was all pink. "Here is your party," said Pinkie Pie.
"I don't see anypony else at the party," said HomoSapien McHumanName.
"That is because it is just you and me," said Pinkie Pie. "It is a sex party." She pushed him onto the bed and they sexed, which I know all about because I have totally done it. (Shut up! I have, too!)
When they were done, HomoSapien McHumanName said, "I am glad I moved to Ponyville." Then he said, "Do you know somewhere I can live?" They went downstairs and went outside, and he hooked up his cart again. (I forgot to mention when he unhooked it! Oops!) Pinkie Pie took him to a house that was for sale and he bought it. He took his cart full of stuff inside, then came out again and asked her another question. "Do you know where I can find a pet?" (You know, like the song?)
He went to Fluttershy's house after she (Pinkie Pie, not Fluttershy.) gave him directions. When he got to Fluttershy's house, he met Fluttershy. "Hi, my name is HomoSapien McHumanName," he said. "Do you know where I can find a pet?"
Fluttershy said, "Ponies who care about animals really get me hot! And I love your completely ordinary pony name." She grabbed him and started dragging him to her house. "Come here, big boy!" They went inside and did it on the couch that Fluttershy fell asleep on when she was babysitting the CMC.
HomoSapien McHumanName adopted that cool falcon that Rainbow Dash didn't want. "You know, my friend Rainbow Dash almost adopted that falcon," said Fluttershy. HomoSapien McHumanName wondered if he could also do sex to Rainbow Dash, but Fluttershy said no because Rainbow Dash was a Lebanese.
"Do you know where I can find a job?" asked HomoSapien McHumanName. Fluttershy told him how to get to Sweet Apple Acres. He went to Sweet Apple Acres and he met Applejack. "Hi, my name is HomoSapien McHumanName", said HomoSapien McHumanName. "I need a job."
"Wahh, that there shore is a raht normal pony name, pardner, and it ain't a mite weird none atall," said Applejack. "Ah kin shore hahr y'all for a job."
"Thank you," said HomoSapien McHumanName. "How much does it pay?"
"We shore nuff cain't pay y'all too much, pardner, shoot. But the more y'all work, the more y'all earn. And if'n y'all work extry hard, y'all maht earn a raht nice bonus, y'hear?"
"What kind of bonus?" asked HomoSapien McHumanName. Applejack took him to the barn, where they were all alone. Once they were all alone, they did sexing.
When they finished, HomoSapien McHumanName told Applejack that he was glad he moved to Ponyville. He also said he would come and work hard for her a lot, and hoped he would earn lots of bonuses. The he asked where he could buy some clothes, because sometimes he liked to dress up. Applejack told him how to get to the Carousel Boutique.
HomoSapien McHumanName went to the boutique and met Rarity. "Hi, my name is HomoSapien McHumanName," he said.
"Darling, that's a darling name, darling," said Rarity. "Do you want sex?" So they went inside and did the thing.
After that, HomoSapien McHumanName wanted to get some books to read in his new home. Rarity said they didn't have a bookstore in town, but she told him how to get to the library. HomoSapien McHumanName walked to the library.
Inside the library was Princess Twilight Sparkle. "Hello, my name is HomoSapien McHumanName, and I would like to check out some books," said HomoSapien McHumanName.
"That is an intelligent and sensible pony name," said Princess Twilight Sparkle. "Is there anything else you would like to check out?" she asked, waving her tail.
"I think I would like that," said HomoSapien McHumanName. "I sure am glad I moved to Ponyville. Is there anypony else around?"
"No, we are alone," said Princess Twilight Sparkle. "Spike is not here so he will not see us Do It." Since they were free for doing it, they went upstairs and had sex lots.
HomoSapien McHumanName and Princess Twilight Sparkle fell in love. He moved in with her and they got married. He also adopted her adopted daughter, Hidden Princess. They all lived happily ever after.
EPILOGUE: This time, Apple Bloom got raped. By Big Mac. Also, Mayor Mare is secretly a changeling.
A love story that reaches into the heart, plays your heartstrings like a lyre, and connects with the previous story flawlessly in a unique manner while also ripping out said heartstrings. Also, bullying is bad, kids.
That epilogue
I must not read enough fanfiction. Is it common for bad writers to unironically insert their own thoughts between parenthesis? That's cringetastic!
EZN is plotting your demise about now! Could be worse though, you could have used Lavender Unicorn Syndrome instead.
I asked for worse, and I'm getting it!
This got me thinking. You could have actually made him human to increase the hate level even more. Sequel maybe?
Well done. This AJ accent makes me want to chug drain cleaner.
What a !
They did the thing everyone!! Woohoo!
Fluttershy said, "Ponies who care about animals really get me hot! And I love your completely ordinary pony name." She grabbed him and started dragging him to her house. "Come here, big boy!" They went inside and did it on the couch that Fluttershy fell asleep on when she was babysitting the CMC.
My fucking sides.
They burn.
I could see someone animating this using poorly cut out and colored pieces of cardboard as animated figures while the puppeteer often gets into a random rage with the strings tagling and the crappy script.
Mentally Advanced Series.
6999136 Do you happen to know which episode?
Alright folks, who wants to see me do a reading of this?
Truly a story for the ages.
Welcome to the department of redundancy department. An utterly redundant tale of epic savagery and love. I have no idea what is going on... but I think someone should have been bought dinner before it happened and I have a strange need to laugh maniacally while staring into space
Oh I know how to salvage this thing.
-Our friend is a Pony alright. He's also homeless, smells worse than a corporate cattle farm, and wears a worn out trench coat and a fedora. He also rants about "my little human" to random people on the street. He also has this weird stubble thing that sort of resembles a beard, only it looks like pubes.
-Anyway, he goes around town generally stinking up the place. Pinkie normally would'v killed the poor sod, but there's already too much heat on her so she relents. He lives a box right next door to Scootaloo, oh yeah. They're best buds. They share Banana peels and Pinkie's delightful Rainbow cupcakes. Say, where is Rainbow Dash?
-He's also getting "raised" by Fluttershy. It's a sort of fucked up master-pet relationship, but I don't judge.
-He also becomes, when he's sober anyway, one of the few to notice that things might not be right in the Apple family. You see when Mickey was a kid, he had a friend who actually did come from a abusive household. But nobody in their town did anything about it. This inspired Mickey to become a CPA, and he pursued that career after spending a few years in the Royal Guard. But corruption within the Equestrian C.P.S. made him develop drinking habits that eventually pushed him off onto the streets.
-Mickey, seeing the same thing happening to Applebloom, decides to step in and actually do something about it despite his addiction. He also has to deal with personal demons from his dark past resurfacing to haunt him, especially when he experiences withdrawl.
-In the end he's clean shaven and threw away the fedora.
-You know what? I actually like the name Mickey. His name is now Mickey.
Why are my eyes bleeding? Should I be worried?
While this is a parody of bad fanfiction, I must say especially this part is actually very well written. Real bad fics aren't nearly as entertaining as this (if they were, they wouldn't really be bad in a way). So, this is really a good bad story. Good bad job
What a touching love story.
Seriously, this is pure gold, jokes aside.
Epilogue = 10/10 Apples don't fall far from the tree.
Even if they don't want to. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I fucking love the "when they were done" transition, after the sexing.
7000398 And there's Alucard, too.
Don't forget the Vamponies.
Hang on, there's a huge mistake in this chapter. I think you should have wrote 'Applejack' as 'Apple Jack' instead, because I've seen a lot of stories like that, and it just makes the whole thing seem more stupid.
wow xD
I still can't believe they did the sex.
WTF?!? My brain is evacuating.... HOLY SHIT, IT REALLY IS!!! THE LEVEL OF DUMBNESS AND AWESOMENESS IS.....
*RIP FORTISSIMO STACCATTO, WHO DIED WITH A HOLE IN HER HEAD AND HER BRAIN MISSING, WITH HER TABLET IN HER HANDS.*
Okay, I can't tell if that's supposed to be a Legend of Korra reference, or just stupid.
Damn HomoSapien McHumanName, save some pussy for the rest of us.
...can't breathe...
6998440
Ugh, in-chapter author's note, the bane of my existence.
The good news is you don't really see that a lot here. Fanfiction.net, on the other hand...
So Rainbow Dash is from Libya? HEADCANON ACCEPTED!!!
I fucking lost it.
7006873 Lebanon.
It even has 'anon' in the name.
Holy shit. Keep writing.
7006873 I think if you're Lebanese you're from Lebanon.
7000276 What the fuck was the joke I was trying to make?
*Blink*
The unexpected twist is that HomoSapien McHumanName is a half-changeling on his mother's side.
Don't tell anyone, or you'll ruin the surprise!
MY OTP was HomoSapienMcHumanNameXTad!!!!
0/10