When a mysterious portal opened by Twilight Sparkle is opened in Equestria, Fluttershy is sent to the real world. She must live with a tomboy commoner, Sarah Liden. What adventures await this strange pair?
I get it! I need paragraphs in the first chapter.
I need to make one with Applejack when I finish this *Manface*
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I'm gonna be frank, this is pretty rough. The main problem is organization. You need to seperate your paragraphs and don't be afraid to go more indepth with detail to story. How did the portal get there? Why are ponies suddenly coming out of it? I'm not trying to put you down, I'm just trying to help you grow as a writer.
Trust me when I say that it is best to take your time with your stories. Your readers can wait.
Dammit, you stole my title.
804774
I'll keep that in mind, thank you.
Needs revising and paragraphs.
When to Make a New Paragraph
Now I thought this was great. Keep going with the chapters! I'm one of the people from Canterlot.net's Cantercast and I read Fimfics a lot and this one got my attention by a lot. I'll mention it on the next episode. Thank you!
Once Bitten Twice Shy - Great White