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It quickly became clear to Nightmare Moon that she needs sunlight, whether she likes it or not. Rarity, on the other hoof, doesn't understand; if she's the good guy in her and her sister's age long feud, how come she- or anybody -would need such a dreadful thing?
Yet bringing it up to her leader was a mistake.
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Nice to see another story from you, and you've definitely improved from what I've noticed. Anyway, it's always cool seeing new takes on Nightmare Moon and her connection to Celestia and her previous incarnation, Luna. And honestly, this timeline from the Season 5 finale might be my favorite because it's more distinct than the others.
Keep up the good work!
Hmm, this is a interesting take on that timeline. If I didn't know better, I'd say Nightmare was actually considering bringing her other half's sister back or she at least loves some part of her. Maybe there's more of Luna in Nightmare then she thinks.
Best author notes ever...
7180853 Those were my thoughts.
AWESOME!!!!!
Delivery was rough. The flashbacks were sometimes too long to blend very well with the "now." A couple times i ended up going back to see what had been said before a flashback because it seemed like you'd started a sentence before the flashback, then 5 paragraphs later finished that sentence...but upon checking, no that wasn't it. You were simply using incomplete sentences for some reason. Also, the closeness between Rarity and Nightmare wasn't convincing enough. It needed "more show and less tell." Overall Rarity came across as a nuisance, and Nightmare seemed soft. Nightmare being soft as regards Rarity is perfectly reasonable if they'd become close. But that closeness was insufficiently demonstrated in the story.
Altogether it's not a bad story. But neither is it a great one.
7185435 I was trying to show that what Rarity said was bringing up the flashbacks, which is why the sentences blended in to them. I would like to know how Rarity and Nightmare Moon's bond wasn't working well, along with an explanation on how I told everything instead of showing it. I don't really know what you're talking about in the story
If I'm going to improve I need solid advice on where I went wrong so I can improve in the future. Just what made Rarity a nuisance and Nightmare Moon 'soft'? (what do you mean by soft? that she was being emotional? because if so, that was kind of my point...) 
7185749
You have Rarity saying that they're friends, but at no point do they ever act like it. Instead you very consistently portray Rarity as being scared of being squashed like a bug, and Nightmare as choosing not to because she simply didn't feel like it.
For example:
Do you stare piercingly down your friends? Does sweat roll down your forehead when you're in the company of people you're close to?
No. You very early on characterized this as a strained relationship based on fear.
Why? Because Rarity was afraid. Simply from not paying attention, that her lord and master would strike her down. And when she decided not to punish her, she relaxed her muscles.
Again, the characterization here is of a relationship based on fear.
So you shudder in fear at the thought of disobeying your friends? Nope. Again, fear based relationship.
You have Raritty falling into thinking of her as a friend, and then hastily correcting herself. As if to say "no, I can't let my gaurd down. She's not REALLY my friend, I have to remember that!"
That's how it comes across.
So you've thoroughly established that they're not close, that this is a fear-based relationship, that Rarity could be "punished" at any time for failing to obey...and then suddenly we get this:
It's out of place. I mean, yes...you're confirming that they're not friends because apparently Nightmare doesn't even know that Rarity prefers to be called Rarity. But it's strangely out of place to have Rarity stomping and being indignant at the creature she's just spent the past several paragraphs begin afraid of....oh but "they're friends"
And so how does Nightmare respond?
I think you were trying for "aww, I really like you Rarity, but now is time for serious business, so let's be serious now please."
But after everything that's been etsablished so far, to me it came across more as "hahaha, what an entertaining little bug! I admire your courage in the face of your superior, but I have no time for games."
Throughout the rest of the story, they don't act like friends. There's no playful banter. They don't seem particularly fond of each other. Rarity acts petulantly, and Nightmare just sort of strangely smiles at times at that seem out of place then goes back to being grumpy.
And yet throughout it all you keep touching back on the fear in the relatinoship.
Yep, that sounds like fear.
Yep, fear.
And then the story descends into flashbacks.
I never end of feeling like they're close. I never feel like they're friends. I never get the impression that they've grown to a situation of mutual respect.
I come away feeling like Rarity is pushing her bounds and got lucky.
There are a lot of ways the relationship I think you were intending could have been portrayed. For example:
* You could have shown Rarity as the calm amid Nightmare's storm of fury. Have nightmare clearly angry and lashing out, but Rarity ignore it not because she's brave, but because she knows that they care about each other and that nightmare won't hurt her. Maybe have Nightmare destroy some scenery or execute some guards in her rage, but through it all Rarity isn't afraid, she's concerned for her friend.
* You could have had them engage in playful banter:
"Why do I put up with such flippancy?" Nightmare pondered. "I could wipe you from the face of Equestria with a mere though, you realize."
"Of course you could, darling, but where ever would you find a replacement with as much charm and grace to advise you?"
"Hmm," the nightmare mused. "I suppose you're right."
"Of course I'm right, darling. When have I ever misled you?"
"Never," the nightmare admitted. "But the day you do I'll have your head on a pike."
"I would expect no less, your majesty," Rarity saluted, then she booped her beloved tyrant on the nose with her magic. "Now, about those rebels in need of squashing..."
* You could simply thrown in subtle cues that they've known each other for a long time. Instead you did the opposite. You had Rarity not knowing how Nightmare would react, not knowing what she was thinking, etc. That's not indicative of familiarity or closeness.
What if you'd had Rarity nervously fussing with her hair, then stopping the moment before Nightmare entered the scene. And then had Rarity immediately pull out an itinerary and begun speaking about business as if nothing was wrong, all while Nightmare simply stared at her hair.
"...and then there's the issue of the strikes in Manehatten" Rarity continued with increasing frustration. "The mud ponies have demanded that we increase our....WHAT IS IT?!!?!?" she shouted, dislodging a lock of fake hair from her mane.
Nightmare smiled sadly and levitated the fallen back hair into place.
"Oh, great," Rarity choked out amidst a sudden waterfall of tears, "now you've just made it worse."
"I've told you Rarity," Nightmare assured. "You need not worry about your declining beauty. When the time is right I shall make you immortal, and your beauty will never fade."
Some might work more or less well than others, but there are a lot of ways to show closeness without having to inform us that they're friends. Do a text search for the word "friend" and see how many times you have Rarity come right and and say it or think it:
You're not showing us. You're telling us.
7185838 Well, in a way, it was friendship to an extent. While she could occasionally make a snarky remark, Nightmare Moon is still Nightmare Moon. She wants ponies to fear her, even those she might consider friends. I put in those lines to show her thinking; the "that's not the friend part of our relationship" I feel emphasizes this the most. So while Rarity can say they're close and try to act as so, she'll still be scared of her and never really understand her no matter how hard she tries. I thought I made that more clear in the story, sorry if I didn't. Thanks for the advice though, I'll use it in my next story.
All hail our Lord and Savior LuLu
Now how before the mighty Woona!
Some part of Luna remains inside Nightmare to grieve gor the lost sister.
I know you're laying there, contemplating your own death.
Well, just look what you have done; don't you dare forget the sun, love.
~ Chapter: 13
Considering it's always in the sky, I'm sure I won't be forgetting it anytime soon.
7413516 I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE ARE RANDOMLY FAVORITING THIS
but yeah it's kinda hard to forget it
7414531If taking the meaning of these word literally... You actually cant forget the sun. (Well, I sometimes forget that it's 12 noon :D). But in the song (from which you took the title) its a metaphor of: faith deprivation, losing belief in God.
Nice story you have here. I liked this but I also don't have any criticism to give out, I'm afraid.
7414531
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5q77MQzU2Q
tell that to Oskaar
As you wish, M'lady...
.
You can has review!
7185902
then make a sequel? spiral downward into destruction.