Luna raised an eyebrow. "I see thou hast brought some visual aids."
"They say that a picture is worth a thousand words - and both of us have all too little time to spare for these private chats."
She lifted a cup to her lips, and sipped some tea. "Then by all means, proceed."
"There's an old saying - 'If you would be a real seeker after truth, you must at least once in your life doubt, as far as possible, all things.'"
"I believe I remember that one - wasn't it by the fellow who put de cartes before de horse?"
I shuddered. "That one has to be old, even for you."
"Mm, perhaps so. Pray, continue."
"To try to focus on what I have in mind today... why bother with law?"
"That seemeth simple enough - so that all may know what they should not do."
"Are you sure? It seems fairly obvious to me - don't hurt other ponies, or take their stuff from them. There - two laws to replace all the rest."
"It hath been some time since I hath played the game of So-cart's Questioning, but I do not mind it. More detail is needed as a guide for questionable circumstances, such as when it is unclear which ponies own a thing."
"Alright; then once that guide is set... why do we still need a body of lawmakers?"
"I know all too well that words change in meaning over the years - perhaps they exist to keep the language of the laws concordant with the current language."
"And here's my first visual aid. Here is a copy of the law on murder from two hundred years ago; and here is the current version of the same law. Some of the words have changed - but mostly, it is the same. Just how many lawmakers do we need to employ, to change a half-dozen words over two centuries? Couldn't the Diarchy simply hire a linguist every decade or so to report on any potentially troublesome words?"
"Perhaps - but a number of new ideas arose during my absence, such as the various forms of companies and corporations, and the law had to be extended to take into account things that had never been thought of when it was first written down. The tax laws alone are, if thou will forgive the phrasing, a nightmare to consider."
"And thank you for taking this conversation to where I was hoping to eventually steer it. Tax laws seem to be a kind of different beast than criminal laws - the latter are about how ponies interact with each other, while the former are about how they interact with the government."
"I could poke many holes in that - but, as thou did say, we only have so much time."
"So why have taxes at all?"
"To pay for those services which benefit Equestrians as a whole, which individuals cannot pay for themselves. The Guard, hospitals, schools."
"How do you tell how much Guard is enough? Or when you've hired not enough, or too many, hospitals or schools? I know some people who suggest that the whole set should be paid for privately, instead of through government."
"A combination of advice from long experience on the part of myself and my sister, and discussions to build consensus amongst those with the power to pass the tax laws."
"In other words - the point of the Barn of Lords isn't really to determine criminal laws, but to balance the competing interests of the nobility about money?"
"That seemst a fair, if blunt, description."
"Let's try a scenario. Let's say all the companies start out being taxed at the same rate on their profits. But one noble has a business in, oh, tree-farming. So she points out that her business takes years and years to grow the trees, which means that it's harder to get bank-loans to fund her operations - so it's not really fair that she's taxed at the same rate. So she proposes that in order to encourage the obvious benefits of tree-farming, she should be taxed at a lower rate."
"I have seen many such proposals over the years - and many of them have been accepted."
"Then you'll also have seen proposals where such a tax break increases the profit of one small group by, say, a hundred thousand bits; while some complementary measure increases the general taxation to cover that amount, so that every taxpayer has to pay a small amount extra."
"That is how such taxes tend to be paid for."
"And the Barn of Lords is supposed to, in general, talk with each other to find ways for competing interests to agree. Say, the tree-farmer promises to vote for a similar tax break for the fishermen, if a noble of the seacoast supports her own exemption."
"That is so."
"And this is supposed to find the best overall set of compromises for Equestria's people as a whole."
"Again, that is so."
"So who argues for tax breaks for cows?"
"Pardon?"
"Or donkeys, or sheep, or buffalo, or any non-ponies who live peacefully in Equestria's borders, and are subject to its laws. Who proposes tax breaks that benefit them, or argues against measures that increase taxes on them without any commensurate benefit?" Luna was looking at me like I'd grown a second head - I double-checked to make sure I hadn't, since in this world, it wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility. I carried on, "Or even going back to criminal law - if the buffalo have been using a piece of land for centuries, and a bunch of ponies move into the place and start building things that keep the buffalo from using the land... when ponies, and ponies alone, are writing the law, who do you think the law will say the land belongs to?"
"But surely-"
"Last year. Appleloosa. Peaceful discussions failed. The buffalo tried to stampede the town flat. It was only after the stampede was already in progress that a deal was struck." She winced. I continued, "If you truly believe that Equestria's laws provide equality of opportunity to all, regardless of species, then you surely expect that checking the data will reveal that, statistically, cows and ponies will have roughly equal distributions, relative to their populations, at any given income level."
"From thy tone, I am guessing that thy visual aids demonstrate otherwise."
"I'll put it this way - if barns are so great to live in, why don't ponies prefer them to houses?"
"Thou maketh a point - and I will be sure to take a close look at thy data, when Abacus and I have the time."
"That's fair. I have other items I could bring up, such as the fact that since the law-makers tend to be nobles, then they will naturally pass laws which favor nobles over non-nobles, such as in permissible responses when one pony believes another has defamed their name, or stained their honor, even if the statement was the complete and literal objective truth. But I believe my overall point is clear."
"Perhaps thou should say it aloud, so that thy clarity may be doubled."
"The Barn of Lords is in need of some serious reform."
"I believe I overheard my sister proposing to ennoble thou - or another cow of thy choosing, when thou refused."
"That... would solve a few of the problems - but it's more of a short-term patch than a true solution."
"What wouldst thou consider to be a 'true' solution?"
"I've come up with a few possibilities. For one, I've been doing some reading on some of the changes that have been made to Equestrian government over the years - how the Withergamot developed into the Curia regis, the royal council; which then split into the Day Court, Night Court, and the Barn of Lords. But that was only one of the four royal councils to the Diarchy. The ordinary courts are still in existence - but the other two, the Magnum Concilium and the Commune Concilium, while not having been summoned or met in centuries, were never formally disbanded - and, at least in theory, can be reconvened at any time without significant upset to the foundations of Equestria's government. And given your recent return after your millennium of absence - it would be entirely reasonable for you to summon one of them, as you might find them more familiar than the modern arrangements."
"So you would replace the Barn of Lords with mere vote-grubbing politicians?"
"Not replace - supplement. Right now, many folk have no voice to speak for them in government - and at least getting a vote-grubbing politician is the start of having some say. And as the current Barn of Lords doesn't necessarily use the same procedures as the original Curia regis, a revived Commune Concilium doesn't have to use the same procedures as the original - and there are some options which can be chosen to make such a body a truer representation of the voice of the people, such as proportional representation rather than first-past-the-post districts, or approval voting rather than a plurality system. I've written down some of the math showing the pluses and minuses of the variations I've been able to remember."
"That is still a... significant undertaking."
"It's really more of a warm-up. Another possibility is to create a set of High Laws which other laws must follow, and which are harder to change than ordinary laws. For example, one High Law might say that all Equestrians have the right to say what they believe to be the truth - and that any ordinary law which tries to make saying the truth is illegal, transgresses against the High Law, and the High Law takes precedence over that ordinary law, rendering it null and void. Again, I've got a list of sample laws - one being that all Equestrians are equal under the law, regardless of species."
Dryly, Luna asked, "Is that all?"
"I do have another set of proposals, for more ordinary laws. For example, that because of the trust placed in the lawmakers, they have to be held to a higher standard than ordinary Equestrians - and so anybody who finds evidence of wrongdoing by a lawmaker should receive as much protection as possible from the lawmakers, to avoid reprisals from the people in power. That one might have to be implemented more as a Royal Decree, since I don't really see the current crop of nobles voluntarily voting to place additional limits on their own power."
Luna held up a hoof. "Enough. For now. Until today, I thought that simply reforming the tax code and the procedures of the Equestrian Revenue Service was the most complicated task facing me in the decade following my return. I need to think on the issues thou hast raised, before even considering thy proposed solutions."
"That's an entirely fair and reasonable response, given your position."
"'My position?'"
"Would you care to sleep in the royal dairy barn, rather than your royal bedchamber, come the dawn?"
She eyed me oddly, and I wondered if I'd pressed my luck a step too far. "Perhaps," she said, and that was more of an acceptance than I'd expected - maybe I really was getting through to her. "In the meanwhile, hast thou any lighter topics of conversation to while away the eve?"
"Perhaps," I echoed with a smile. "There is something I've been wondering, and perhaps you know the answer better than anypony..."
"Yes?"
"Do you have any idea how far away the stars of the night sky are?"
Turned out that Luna really was willing to give the barn a try - after all, she'd slept under far worse conditions during the fight against Discord. It also turned out that the hardest part of the whole procedure was getting the household staff to not revamp the whole place to royal sleeping-quarters conditions for her.
The second-hardest part was suppressing the rumors that she was doing so because of some sort of illicit affair between her and me. Which would have been a lot easier if Luna herself hadn't started hinting at those rumors herself. And wasn't helped by the fact that, out of all the sapient creatures I'd met since being transformed from male human to female cow, if there were any I was going to have some sort of affair with, Luna was either at or near the top of the list. I mean, sure, she was a hooved quadruped with magical powers who'd lived for millennia; but she was also intelligent, had a sense of humor, was the right gender for my semi-confused mind, didn't live too far away, and actually did understand discretion when it suited her. Maybe her doing some trolling by spreading the rumors was a way to make me confront the fact that I actually could let myself get attracted to her... or maybe she was just trolling.
One thing I was fairly sure of was that I wasn't interested in joining in a 'traditional' cattle family: polygyny, a herd with a single bull and several cows and their calves. But taking that option off the table didn't leave much left - there weren't very many ponies interested in close relationships with cattle, and even among cows, I didn't really know enough to join an all-female herd, romantically. Now that I was thinking of it, I didn't really know any cows, ponies, or the like well enough to call them my friends. Sure, I had acquaintances, but they were pretty much all through my job - either employees, or ponies I had to deal with professionally. In a world where friendship could be turned into an actual physical force, such as the Elements, or even just the Hearth's Warming Eve magical floating hearts, that... might be a worrying sign. And the lack of any real social support might have explained a good portion of my still-increasing stress levels.
Back on Earth, I'd been something of an urban hermit - a happy loner, an introvert who'd made that work for him. But now, I had to make advance arrangements just to get any time to myself - and the time I wasn't by myself, I was among people I couldn't completely trust, couldn't completely rely on the way the Mane Six could rely on each other in the cartoons.
It was a pretty pickle, and I didn't know where to even start looking for a solution. Even Twilight's friendship reports started with the assumption that she had some friends to report on - and I didn't fancy teaming up with an assortment of strangers to face a world-endangering evil, purely as a trust-building exercise.
And so that was why I figured that maybe it would be a good idea to try to discreetly find out the answer, as to whether Luna really was interested in pursuing matters the way she was spreading rumors about the two of us.
And so that was how I found out that the answer was a very firm, if polite, 'no'. And that was a significant reason for my deciding to leave Canterlot for at least a few days, for both of our embarrassment - alright, almost entirely mine - to have a chance to cool down to the point where I could at least look at Luna without blushing.
... oh my. uhm, poor Missy.
You are a speed demon. How the hell do you type all this. Well, I guess if I tried, I might be able, to, but I just get distracted so easily, nor do I have the patience to do so for such a long period of time. Mostly a page or two in one sitting.
EDIT: Knew there was no way I was actually first.
879502
How the hell do you type all this.
Step one: Learned to touch-type in summer-school, around 1990 or so. (On actual typewriters - no backspace!)
Step two: Typed so much that I can get up to 100 wpm, when I know what I'm typing.
Step three: Schedule my time to have an hour or more a day for exercise in the form of urban hiking, during which I try to figure out most of what I'll be typing before I start typing it.
879523
I learn more about politics through this fic than I did in my government class.
Glad to help out. You might also appreciate Rationality Matters, a few comic pages I scripted on related matters.
Why is it that the fic about a male human turning into a female cow has more sex jokes per chapter than any other Chess fic?
Are you sure about that? Hm... Well, I suppose if you count the udder as a sex organ, then perhaps...
879670
Well, the comics were aimed at a fairly specific target market, in which such a bribe would most likely be positively received.
I greatly look forward to Missy's reaction when she realizes basically everything she's trying to accomplish is going to get the shit kicked out of it in preparation for End Game and the building of New Canterlot and she has to pretty much start all over again.
I do enjoy the storytelling but I have a slight problem with the world building in that the government is set up to be similar to a preindustrial Britain and your character seems to be arguing for an American system of government. Since it appears that while Equestria has a stated history of peace for a thousand years (S1E1 Intro), and has ended racism for much longer (Hearths Warming Eve), I fail to see why you want to convert that to a model that has over 100 military operations and wars since its founding, and that's not even including the War of independence. I suppose it makes sense though, since Equestria was founded with harmony it has stayed in harmony, while America was founded through war.
880082
Well, while she may not be preparing for that specific eventuality, since Athena warned her about potentially continent-destroying levels of violence, she has been tending to focus on resilient systems and networks that can continue even with portions destroyed - eg, a Internet - than building up any particular place as an impregnable fortress.
She's still going to miss the place when it's gone, though. Hopefully, her civil defense proposals will help to save the lives of some Canterlotians who otherwise would perish.
881456
Now that is a fascinating critique, and I thank you for it. It hasn't been mentioned often, but Missy was originally Canadian, not American; and is only using the US as one of several models to draw from. She's considering some variants of the government system of the Icelandic Commonwealth (c 930-1260 CE); of classical Athens; of the standard American republic; and of the present-day socialized Nordic European approach. Given the ponies' generally helpful natures, and the existence of the two Princesses, she's expecting that if all goes well (not that it will), she might help arrange for something along the lines of a constitutional monarchy with a strong bill of rights. If you'd like to see the sort of BoR she has in mind, the last section of this, from my pet science-fiction setting, might be worth a glance.
I'm also not sure I agree with your assertion that the ponies ended all racism (speciesism?) since the first Hearth's Warming Eve. While that may be so in the canon cartoon universe, Griffin the Griffon made it quite clear that in the Chessverse, there is some racism amongst ponies against non-pony folk; I've simply been trying to extend some of the natural logical consequences of that, including to a few other non-pony species.
And again, thank you for taking the time to read, and to post your concerns.
881951
Thank you for responding to my questions
I think it was the freedom of speech line that sounded to me as Americanising the government, but after reading about the governments you mentioned I was surprised to see what a variety of sources you have drawn from. Unfortunately as an internet denizen I'm not allowed to say that and instead must make a reference to nazis and start flinging poo or something. =)
I really like the constitution you've written in that link, but I think there might be some minor issues, although that's probably me misinterpreting the document more than anything, not being a lawyer.
Regarding Citizenship and Taxation - If taxation is dependent on citizenship what is to stop somebody renouncing citizenship right before taxation and reclaiming it immediately after to avoid having to pay any money?
Regarding Cantons and Parliament - It seems to me that there could be an artificial increase in the Parliamentary numbers if, say a Canton with 500 members and one representative decided to split into 5 Cantons with 100 members each and 5 representatives in order to influence the voting numbers.
Regarding Currency and Drugs - This seems a silly one but 2.2.11 could be a problem for drug movement - "This five pound bag of crack? nah, we're not smuggling it, that's the biggest note in my Cantons' currency, I'm going grocery shopping."
Other than that it seems remarkably well thought out and I enjoyed reading it.
Thank you again
882297
In American terms, I'm something of a Jeffersonian, and so maximizing freedom of speech is one of my default political settings.
I didn't come up with the whole constitution I linked to myself; I adapted it from a model constitution I found in my reading, with a few minor tweaks based on the setting and my personal preferences. Still, I'm willing to accept praise for using it, in a "Itemized Bill: Hitting with a hammer: $5; knowing where to hit with a hammer, $995" sort of way.
Re the specific issues you raise: It should be fairly simple for the tax laws to be written along the lines of "You spent 95% of the year as a citizen, and thus before you can exercise the benefits of citizenship, you owe 95% of the nominal taxes you were assessed for"; splitting Cantons like that is meant as a feature, not a bug, in order to encourage the development of additional Canton legal systems to compete with each other; and you may have missed that constitutional provision 1.2.7.h allows the government to pass certain laws about the importation and exportation of drugs (with the rationale that not having those laws is likely to lead to a quick invasion by a number of countries, who would be happy to render the entire constitution moot and void).
Not that any of this has very much to do with Missy, but I don't mind talking about it.
880082
I wouldn't put it past her to have a counter-measure in place for that kind of scenario, damn cow thinks of everything
>> For the story
Also, American Libarlism in Equestria? No thanks
882346
I had a look at 1.2.7.h, but it only regulates import/export of drugs, rather than the production of the substance, nor does it mention anything about controlling the substances used to produce said drugs. =(
I read that political chart you mentioned and I'd say I'm more of a Wilsonian than a Jeffersonian, but my two favourite political parties are the German Pirate Party and the Australian Sex Party
Also, talking about the story character, you might find these amusing.
http://www.retrojunkie.com/asciiart/animals/cattle.htm
882468
cow thinks of everything
Or, as Sheldon Cooper once phrased it: "I'm Batman!".
American Libarlism in Equestria
How about non-American classical liberalism, focused on maximizing what individuals can do with their lives? (Or, looked at another way - how about non-Tea-Party libertarianism plus a strong social safety net?)
882474
I'll put it this way - I'm member number 13 of my local Pirate Party.
882474
882489
It would probably be more accurate to say that the Hearth's Warming Eve ended racism and prejudice between the three pony tribes, rather than racism and prejudice in general.
Also, Data, as it was mentioned in Griffin only the Equestrian cows, sheep, and whatnot obtained sentience (most likely due to the magic flowing throughout Equestria), it might not be a bad idea for Missy to explore this occurrence and discover how exactly it came to pass. This would also explain why so few efforts have been made to improve their lot in life, as formerly domesticated animals they no doubt have a deep-seated appreciation for what they have and are as-of-yet unaware of their true station and its potential to improve.
The argument could also be made that cows would to choose to live in barns anyway due to their need to sleep in groups (which I believe Missy would argue that it is the right to choose which is the point, not the object of the choice itself). Of course at the same time I have not seen any law which says cows who can afford the rent can't live in the same houses as ponies, it is not the government's or the economy's fault that most cows are unwilling or unable to perform higher-paying jobs that would gain them the money necessary to maintain a home (as we've seen with Missy, it's not impossible for a capable enough individual to rise to prominence regardless of species, thus making her argument that the cows are being kept down somewhat void).
882539
only the Equestrian cows, sheep, and whatnot obtained sentience
So far, IIRC, I've made references to this twice - once in the first chapter, and once when Missy decided to have the Alicorn travel along Equestria's northern border instead of over it. She still doesn't know whether or not she'd still be able to think if she left Equestria, and is hesitant about testing it out, for obvious reasons.
it is not the government's or the economy's fault
it's not impossible for a capable enough individual to rise to prominence
This is why I had Missy mention statistics to Luna; if it really is possible for people of similar natural ability but of differing species to achieve similar results, then the numbers of how things actually turn out should back it up. However, if, due to various reasons, any pony with an IQ of 120 or more can get a full scholarship, but only cows with an IQ of over 150 can get that same scholarship, then the fact that a few prominent individuals of the bovine persuasion can get said scholarship isn't really evidence that all hoofed creatures enjoy the same equality of opportunity which Missy is trying to push for.
And on another note - I actually expected the first half of this chapter to get the least commentary, due to its overtly dull subject matter. I mean, a piece of MLP fic talking about electoral reform? Who'd want to read that?
882539
You may be right about the racism between the ponies and non-ponies, as there is evidence of that even in the show, after all, that poor mule always seems to be around whenever somebody is being speciesist (as stubborn as a mule (Applebuck season), be cool or be a mule(Hurricane Fluttershy)).
Although, if you think about it, all three pony tribes can cross-breed, meaning that they are of the same species, whereas most of the others either are noncompatible, or have sterile offspring, meaning that they are different species, so the idea that racism ended is correct as the three tribes work together, but the ponies are still discriminating on the basis of species.
BAM! Fridge Logic!
882585 Also, "He's not a monster, he's a minotaur! "
883985
Here's a scary thought, the chess game of the gods is about SI of characters into equestria, there's relations between the inserts and the natives (Echo/Daring) and humanoids can make it through (Skeleton Jack). It could be that pre-history there were humans that made it to equestria and hmm hmm knocked hooves with the local cow population, thus resulting in minotaurs.
Just a bit of mental squick to get you through the day.
884047 I prefer to think that the minotaurs and manticores and timberwolves and the like are all the results of Star Swirl the Bearded's unholy experiments with his 'amniomorphic spells' during the pre-classical era.
From the root words, 'amniomorphic' basically means 'genetic engineering'.
884072
I think we would all prefer to think that, r34 on the other hand...
You could be right about those spells, looking up the word amnio basically gave a lot of different information about unborn babies, so it could be that he was experimenting on cattle and sheep and such, giving rise to intelligence in those breeds, thus explaining why in this universe only the equestrian "animals" are intelligent... Although this makes my above point even squickier.
"Mr Starswirl, could you see to it that me and Bessie have some intelligent offspring, cos she ain't much of a talker"
"mooooo"