Fluttershy has had a "issue" for a few years since freshman year but none of her friends know about it. Whats that mean for her when one of her closest friends catches her in a embarrassing situation?
Your second sentence has a spelling mistake. "Her" instead of what I presume should be "Here." There are commas all over the place (I should talk) A SEVERE lack of periods, I'm sorry darling, this is hardly readable.
I agree with the other comments. You need an editor and someone to proof read this. In fact, proof read it yourself for a second draft. This seems simple enough to edit to remove obvious mistakes, so I can do so if you want.
For the love of CELESTIA
GET AN EDITOR!
Your second sentence has a spelling mistake. "Her" instead of what I presume should be "Here."
There are commas all over the place (I should talk)
A SEVERE lack of periods,
I'm sorry darling, this is hardly readable.
You need a prereader and an editor.
Wow, good start! Interesting idea, but you may need an editor.
I agree with the other comments. You need an editor and someone to proof read this. In fact, proof read it yourself for a second draft. This seems simple enough to edit to remove obvious mistakes, so I can do so if you want.
This is looking very promising. However, I agree with what the others have said. You should get an editor to fix all those mistakes.