Chapter 3: A Taste of the South
Applejack landed face first into a pile of mud.
“Pth!” She spit all of it out onto a very fancily dressed man who was going by in a carriage.
Applejack looked at the man, who was fuming as he inspected the mud damage.
“Ah’m gonna die, aren’t Ah?”
“That would be safe to assume,” the man said, pulling out two twin samurai blades and swinging them down on Applejack.
Applejack grabbed a nearby Black person to use as a shield.
“Aw hell no!” The random african american she had attempted to use as her shield picked her up and threw her into a river.
“NOOO!” Screamed the wealthy white who had previously tried to slay Applejack. “You killed my wife, Blackie Chan, now I KILL YOU!”
“Bring it on, cracka!”
The resulting battled started the Civil War, but that’s not important. What is important is that Applejack was being attacked by a crocodile.
“Th’ hell! Why is ever’thin’ attacking me?”
The crocodile chose not to respond, but rather try and take a huge bite out of Applejack’s flank.
“Ah! Take this!” Applejack wound up her most powerful kick, and let it loose.
But because she was in the water, all in made was a small dent in the croc’s side.
“Well, ah’m gonna die.”
And she would have, if not for the next occurrence.
A strong arm lifted her out of the river.
“Yay! Ah’m saved!"
And then it punched her across the muzzle.
***
When Applejack awoke, she was strapped to a bed. There was a drooling Redneck looking fellow over her.
“Ah’m gonna get raped, aren't ah?”
“Yessiry bob!” The redneck said, preparing to get on with the coitus.
And then Master Chief broke in and killed the Redneck, saving Applejack from untimely rape.
“That was mighty convenient!” Applejack said. “Could you send me back to my own time?”
Master Chief nodded, and used some sort of device to teleport her back.
I don’t know! Don’t look at me like that. I’m not good at historical fiction, plus, I didn’t want to make it overly racist. So shut up.
You shouldn't have bulldozed the fourth wall at the end there, I liked where it was going.
826743 Sorry, Fourth wall must go!
Ok, I effed up chapter 3. But I promise chapter 4 and beyond will be better.
826672 Lyra got sent to Rosewell.
I'm currently wondering if you can guess where Dashie got sent. It's kinda obscure.
And even I won't go as far as making total fun of the holocaust, but I will put Pinkie Pie in the middle of a firefight between the russians and the germans!
826729
Lol, Twilight had no idea what she caused.
Christianity, and idirectly, about 3000 wars and 2000 years of intolerence.
Whoops.
>mfw Celestia's idea of suicide is to destroy all time
827084 Interesting take...
But I think she's more of "Let's see how hard we can troll them" mode at the moment XD
827296 I realize that, lol.
But I'm pretty sure time's gonna get destroyed.
827305 Quite possibly, especially when we get to Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Derpy.
Derpy:potatoe
LOL LAUGHED SO HARD I CAN DIE !
829561 Well, glad you enjoy.
You will see the importance of potato when we get to Derpy...
830455
As I have yet to read on, GLaDOS?!?!