“It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?”
Shining Armor’s mouthful of morning coffee shot right over the wall and onto the white snow below. Why he’d taken such a massive sip of coffee right before speaking with Sombra would remain anyone’s guess.
“What!?” Shining hurriedly glanced back and forth where he stood, lowering his voice to a nasty hiss. “Shut up, Sombra! Shut your stupid trap right this instant! Don’t you go there! Don’t you dare go there!”
“Go where, Shining?” Sombra asked him coolly. “Right to the cold, harsh truth of the matter? Finally, it’s donned on me just why I was evicted from my rightful home. And it’s become clear that it was only due to the color of my fur! Which is black… I think. Or really, really dark grey. I’m not completely sure right now.”
“Are you serious? You weren’t kicked out of here for that! You were kicked out of here because you enslaved an entire race to do your bidding!”
Sombra nodded a single time. “I see. Hmm. How odd. I mention that my fur is black and the first thing that pops into your head is ‘slavery’. Is that all that swirls around in that hateful head of yours, Shining? Ponies owning other ponies? And just why, pray tell, can’t a black pony such as I have his very own—”
Shining leveled a hoof at him, spittle flying from his lips. “Don’t you finish that sentence! Don’t!”
Sombra shrugged innocently. “What? ‘Have his very own Empire’?”
Just then, Cadence entered the scene.
“So what are we all talking about today?”
Shining turned to her with a scowl. “Sombra here thinks we won’t let him back inside the Crystal Empire because he’s black.”
That stopped her in her tracks. “Oh. Looks like I’ll be staying inside today. Tootles!”
And just like that, Cadence exited the scene.
“Makes sense, now that I think about it,” Sombra muttered down below. “It’s become a tradition between you two, hasn’t it? Queen Chrysalis—also of the darker shelled variety—goes out searching for food one day to support her many, many children, and what do you two do to the poor girl? Blast her to the ends of the Earth, that’s what! When all she was trying to do was survive as a struggling single parent!”
If Shining had wings that morning, he would’ve leapt off the wall and personally strangled Sombra without pause. Sadly, all he could do that morning was shoot at him with his horn. But by that point in time, Sombra had grown rather skillful at dodging laser blasts. Perhaps he’d built a yoga center nearby that Shining had no idea about.
Shining growled out, “Queen Chrysalis was planning on taking over Equestria! She hypnotized me, imprisoned my wife, and attacked my sister!”
Sombra pursed his lips. “So stuck on the small details, aren’t you? I can tell you’re still trying to ignore the big issue at hoof. The elephant in the room, as it were. Or is it ‘the black pony locked outside his Empire’ now?”
Shining sighed. “I have no problems with ponies who happen to have black fur. For Celestia’s sake, I have friends with black fur!” Hurriedly, he wrapped a hoof around the nearest dark-haired guard he could find. “See? Here’s that friend I was talking about!”
The guard he was holding looked at him. “Sir, do you even know my name?”
Shining grimaced. “…Bob?”
The guard casually strolled away. “You’re just lucky I wore my nametag today.”
On the other side of the wall, Sombra gravely shook his head. “And here I find I can’t even blame you, Shining; it’s been going on for millennia already, so why should it change now? Princess Celestia, the whitest pony around, runs all of Equestria herself! But her sister? The one with dark blue fur—”
“Luna also runs Equestria, you moron!” Shining interrupted.
“Not when she was Nightmare Moon, though,” Sombra continued, furrowing his brows. “The moment she got too ‘dark’ for Celestia—BAM!—straight to the moon she goes!”
“Nightmare Moon was planning on doing terrible things to the world, Sombra! Even you can’t be so naïve as not to understand that.”
“Nightmare Moon… terrible? Or terribly misunderstood?” He exhaled bitterly. “So many travesties against my fellow dark-haired creatures. Tirek? Born with fur of red and black? He never stood a chance. The moment he escapes his corrupt jailors—the moment he tries to turn his life around and hit the gym and bulk up a bit—you throw him right back into Tartarus and then place his key up on the top shelf where no one can possibly reach!
“I don’t recall any fair trials happening for Tirek before he was locked up again. So where’s Tirek’s justice, Shining? Hmm? Is it somewhere in that big, fancy Empire of yours? Hmm? I’d be happy to come search for it. If it even exists, that is.”
Up on the wall, Shining rested his head on the railing. “Can’t you just go back to the ridiculously stupid tactics already? You haven’t tried catapults yet, right? Or giant ramps and skis? Come on, bud. Anything but this!”
Sombra pondered on that. “Fine. I guess this was a long shot anyways. Maybe I’ll build a bar or something. That sounds pointless enough.”
And so he did. And no one mentioned that awkward conversation ever again.
Under penalty of exile.
Straight to the moon.
I always wondered how racism worked in Equestria. What if Starlight Glimmer said something like that over being pink?
Well... this was a thing that happened...
*Nods head*
Nicely done.
Technically, Celestia's pink, just a very, very, very light shade. Rarity's whiter than her. (So is Shining, for that matter. Why didn't Sombra mention the powerful, rich white pony trying to keep the crippled, impoverished black pony out of his rightful place of residence?)
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I think Shining has enough dealing with Sombra´s flavour of craziness without adding his neurotic sister´s even more neurotic student. That would be cruel and unusual.
Make it happen!
Sombra should put on a fake pair of wings and carry a doll around, pretending to be Cadance with Flurry Heart.
7885669
Cadence is pink... Pinkie Pie is Pink...
***
I find this humorous, 'cause Sombra's twisting things in his favor, and then when Shining Armor tries to rebut it fails, sort of. But everything other than this follow thing is a good argument for non-fur color-ism...?
But there is a good point that the villains are darker colored...
No, No, this is great. I laughed WAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY to hard at this.
hah! well done sir.
I didn't understand the title.
First line and my verbal out loud reaction was: Oh my God.
Sombrero should use cringy sh*t and the big finale of the whole fic is that sombra had a friend named Jet who would always drink a certain kind of soda, nothing else, and it was what kept him fueled to keep going on. Later, sombra and jet would be arrested but right before they were thrown in the police [analogy to cars for horses] Jet threw him one of his sodas and sombra managed to keep it all the way to jail. Since sombra was such a formidable enemy, they would throw him in the cell made out of the strongest material they knew of, steel. And when he was in his cell he took it out, opened it, whispered "Don't fail me now..." and poured it over the cell bars.
Then nothing would happen.
And Sombra would realize that Jet's fuel can't melt steel beams.
cx in the chat
7885680
or have Cadance use a disguise spell on him to make him look the part
I enjoyed this.
Can we have him use Tacos next?
Never delete this. I love it. It's also an argument some idiots have actually tried to use on me recently.
In bad taste? Nothing in here is in bad taste! Good chapter!
The only thing that would have made it in bad taste is if you had included any of those disgusting mudponies.
I love how Cadance just nopes out of it. It's the smart move, really.
well this happened... not quite as funny as the other chapters but it definitely fits with how you have portrayed Sombra here so far.
7885669
I always figured it was be based on actual race and not fur color.
next chapter title: "Using Socially Acceptable Alcoholism"
7885836
Ugh, those filthy creatures...did you know I saw one trying to apply to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns once? Guess he was too stupid to really comprehend the name of the place.
7886034
Horrible! We really need a solution to those...creatures. Some kind of final one. They infest our cities and are so noticeable without a regal horn.
7885714
Ah, that old greentext. Condensed and mangled almost past recognition. Good times.
7886098
...You got somethin' against wings, hornhead? We gonna have problems?
7886109 Yes, the Times truly have been violated and abused past all recognition and rehabilitation. I only hope we can emerge from the sticky and creamy wastelands spawned by Them with new and original things with which we can repurify the landscapes and restore hyperchlorite bleach Back to the assembly lines for expedited cleansing. ex dee.
7886109 Mmmmmm chezzburger
There is no winning an arguement like that. Well, honestly, there is rarely winning any arguement. By the time it gets to an arguement from a discussion, the chance of persuasion is usually already lost. He really should've followed Cadence's lead.
He who thinks something is racist first is either racist themselves... or whatever was said is racist.
Discuss.
7885710 That was basically the entire reason for this chapter. I was reading before bed one night and randomly imagined Sombra saying, "It's because I'm black, isn't it?" Then I laughed. And then I debated for a good thirty minutes why I shouldn't write that chapter...
7885836 Mudponies!?!? My father will hear about this!
7885845 Ripped from "South Park". When everyone says they won't touch the current topic with a forty-foot poll or more.
I agree that Sombra would make a luxurious cap.
...Wait a second, ponies don't have blacks! The closest is the donkeys, but I forgot if the community has deemed them as blacks or jews.
7886727
I hardly consider this socially unacceptable, in fact I dare you to be as socially unacceptable as the following video.
7886111
Disgusting birdbrains. We are going to build cages and you're going to pay for them.
7886727
>implying mudponies have fathers
7887094
How...DARE you! Ugh! It's almost like being thought of as a lesser creature feels bad or something!
7887104
Everyone knows pegasi don't have feelings. Only unicorns can experience the full breath of equine emotions.
7887137
Yeah, and by 'everyone' you mean 'all your horn-privilege buddies', right? I see how it is. Mmmhmm.
.... It's cause he's black, ain't it? *hides from Lunar Excursions!* :D
Do ho ho, I do love me some black comedy.
I'm so glad my new desk is steel instead of glass. Now let's see... ah, here's a good spot. I christen thee the new NBD spot. {Bangs head repeatedly}. Yep{bang}, thas my buddie,{bang}, he's still got it{bang}...
I call randomly whacking shiny with a barstool in a bar fight for no reason other then bordom
7886727 Don't you dare delete this chapter.
It is fucking hilarious and is done in a tasteful way.
For one thing, you're obviously not racist.
I hate it when people get offended by an obviously non-racist person saying something and then blowing it up.
You sire, are a hilarious writer.
IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY!
7891731 Glad to hear. It's honestly quite difficult to gauge how people might react to something. Seems like I got away with this one!
7891894 People might be offended.
Ignore them.
You weren't actively trying to be hurtful.
Short yet sweet! Ohh....I can taste the sour coming off Shining...And the SWEET, SWEET taste of victory from Sombro!
media.giphy.com/media/l2JejZHYhyY7nUA6I/giphy.gif
Now we know the true reasons why changelings were so hated, and why their colour change made everyone instantly accept them.
Best reason ;w;
I would've spit out any drink I would've been drinking too
7885669
Somehow, I imagine her trying this, with a perfectly straight face, when talking to Princess Cadance and/or Pinkie Pie.
Maybe Diamond Tiara.
Sombra with a bar. Please have him slinging tequila.
I read the first line and did a spit-take
7885669
Unlike the real world's human populations, MLP:FIM "races" are actually different. Until the Cake family showed otherwise, I'd assumed they were different species. That would make accusations of racism complicated...
Anyway, I love how this chapter lampshades politically-motivated people calling other people racists where no racism exists.
I laughed the whole way through this chapter, the fact that you actually looked into most of the villian's colour is hilarious!