kalash93
Joined 18th Dec, 2012 ·
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Noice!
Good story. I'm not sure why I have a thing for doomed romances, but I do.
Aside from that and a missing 'I', I thought it was okay.
It bordered on dangerous affection in my mind.
All that biting and claw usage made me worried he'd draw blood, or that he was forcing himself on her as she tried to push away.
And all this while her family watched?!
Rarity, you slut!
8191346
Thanks!
8191351
Me too a bit.
8191359
Thank you.
8191376
Derp, fix'd.
Bingo! This was Spike finally taking from her the thing he had wanted for so long, and her reciprocating him to the extent she could. I originally thought about making this either saucy or a proper clopfic, but I thought it compromised the impact to lengthen the story, and even more so then depict intercourse, because that's a very full act; it's what he'd wish for, but this kiss is the most he can have. I intended to make him predatory and carnivorous here.
I wrote this story under the influence of this song:
Most people would probably recognize this song from Kelly's Heroes.
I want to know why he's leaving, why they'll never see another again, but it's perfect The way it is.
It's an okay story, considering its length, although I think it's been mis-rated. It should be T, not E.
This story could've been gazillion times better if it was about why they were in this situation instead of just the situation.
This review is brought to you by the group, "A for Effort".
Name of the story: The Kiss
Score out of 10: 7.5
Pros: Very strong prose, right from the start, and lasting all the way to the end. The story started at fourth gear, and ratcheted up to sixth pretty quickly.
Grammar wise, very clean. A few awkward sentences every now and then, but nothing too terrible.
The powerful physical action was detailed and realistic, as well as Spike's inner thoughts during the whole situation. You do manage to capture the bitterness of life's regrets and the wishes we make in futility.
Cons: Even when he gets the mare, he really doesn't get the mare. Spike is routinely give the short end of the stick in stories and it doesn't really feel any different here. Sure, he gets a taste, but really it only serves to show him how much he missed, how much he failed. In the end, it feels like a cruel joke of some kind, especially if Rarity is supposed to be married.
Summary: A short, but powerfully worded story about love that never was. Enjoyably bitter-sweet, but kind of a slap to Spike's face.
8191787
Applejack do you kiss your Mother with that mouth
9432470
Nah, I just eat ma damn apples!
9432569
Then for gosh sake watch your language
9432619
Ma ears are burnin!
wait until the real fun starts
you party mouths
horse apples!
