Anonymous had been transported from the Crystal Empire to Ponyville yesterday. He was now waiting in one of the numerous vacant rooms in Twilight’s castle. They had spent the day repeatedly asking Temptress if she could really deal with Anonymous. Temptress had reassured them every time that she only needed five minutes to straighten him out.
She still only had what she called ‘underwear’ on her body, made from fresh bandages, though she had added some to her hands and feet. Now she was adding yet another layer.
“Anon is in that room,” Twilight said. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Temptress rolled her eyes. “You seem to forget that I’m also a human.” Twilight looked confused. “I’m immune against his vile attacks.”
“Oh yeah!” Rainbow Dash yelled from the group of friends standing nearby. “I want to see that!”
“I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash.” Celestia stepped in to block her. “As you’re the Element of Loyalty, we can’t risk you or your friends being corrupted by him.”
“Oh please!” The cocky speedster waved her off. “I’m too awesome for that.”
“I think you should stay with us, Rainbow,” Fluttershy chimed in and stepped next to her friend. “If the princess is worried…” She didn’t need to say more as the other pegasus let out a defeated sigh.
“Also, Twilight wants us here as backup.” Applejack laid a reassuring hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “Ya know, in case he tries to run away again.”
Pleased that Twilight’s friends were under control, Celestia turned to the human. “As soon as you’re in, I will soundproof the room. You won’t be able to come out until the five minutes are over.”
“I understand, Princess. Don’t worry, I’ll keep my end of the deal,” she assured Celestia with a smile.
“We would provide food, lodging, and anything else you would need regardless of whether you succeed or not.”
“I know,” she chirped, “but I totally want to do this now. I mean, he has to be a real jerk to be so nasty to nice folks like you.”
“Well shucks,” Applejack exclaimed. “Thank ya kindly, ma’am. It’s nice to meet a non-evil human too.”
Rarity separated from the rest, a gleam in her eyes. She motioned for Temptress to lean down so she could whisper in her ear. “I know what you’re planning. Give him one from me too, will you, darling?”
“With pleasure.” Temptress stood back up, jumping a few times on the spot. “Okay, I think I’m ready.”
Celestia nodded towards her sister and Cadance, all ready to jump in should Anonymous try anything. The female human stepped through the crack in the double doors as the golden aura of the princess opened them. With a mighty bang, they closed again right behind her. In all this, nobody noticed that a certain chromatic pegasus had slipped away. Out of one open window, and in again through another, she now could watch Temptress stepping inside the room.
Anon was there too. He sat on a couch, jerking to his feet when the door closed rather firmly. “Oh!” His eyes wandered over the approaching female with unhindered lust, and Rainbow’s sharp eyes noticed a small bulge building up in his pants. A really small bulge that could also just be his trousers shifting as he waddled on the spot. He took off his ugly hat, and his hand went through his greasy hair. “Well, aren’t you a nine out of ten.” He grinned, showing off his crooked teeth. “I’m so going to bang you into the floor.”
His hand wandered to the tie he had around his neck and started to loosen it, which was probably his saving grace. When Temptress was in range, she grabbed the tie and yanked at it. Anonymous’ trembling belly now pressed against Temptress’ toned one. “Oh, rather agress…” A faint wheeze could be heard, like air escaping from a balloon. “…ive,” Anon finished and collapsed to the ground.
“Oh shut up, you fat fuck!” Rainbow couldn’t believe her ears, which were burning like mad from the mental attack. “Tricking these poor ponies in trying to get you a living fleshlight. Don’t you have any dignity at all?” Her right foot violently slammed into Anonymous’ side, forcing even more air out of him. “Now I’m stuck here too, thanks to you. The white goddess out there nearly roasted me alive because I cursed!” Rainbow grimaced as Temptress’ fist came down on his nose, a loud crack echoing in the room. “That’s for destroying Princess Celestia’s vase collection.” The fist came down again. “That’s for eating her cake.” And again. “For stealing Luna’s favourite katana.” And again. “For shaving Rarity’s cat.” Rainbow squeezed her eyes shut. “For destroying Rainbow’s house.” And her eyes promptly flew open again. “For…” Temptress halted her assault. “Okay, that one was funny. For the bad impression you made on humanity.”
Huffing and puffing, the female rose. “This is my turf now. I don’t want to ever see you again. If I even catch a hint of your stink near me, we'll continue this. Am I clear?”
“All I wanted was a girlfriend,” Anonymous whimpered.
“Then get in shape, wash your damn body, and go out there instead of sitting around all day playing with your junk. You don’t need to be stacked with muscles, you know. Women just want a halfway decent-looking guy. And whatever else you’re missing, you can make up with charisma and being interesting and funny. But first you need to get a life, you fucking weirdo!” She kicked him again, this time on the ass. “Now get lost! The door’s over there.”
Anon flopped around like a fish for a moment before getting to his feet and sprinting towards the direction Temptress pointed. He reached out to open the double doors, only for them to remain firmly shut, causing his head to collide with the wood. He slumped down onto the floor, unconscious.
“That. Was. Awesome!” Rainbow flew down and landed in front of Temptress. “Did you see his face? The fat fucking bastard had it coming. I mean, fuck, girl! You punch like a bull! You have to show me your moves some time. I mean, that couldn’t have been the last fucking idiot who’ll try something funny. Fuck!” Rainbow then noticed that the female didn’t move. Instead, one of her hands just pointed behind her. Rainbow turned.
There, in the now open doorway, stood all the princesses, even Cadance with little Flurry Heart on her back, together with the rest of their friends. Scootaloo and the other two Crusaders were there as well. Celestia didn’t seem very pleased as she stepped over Anonymous’ body.
“Ah, you can all suck a—”
I think anon's dead
you know what be funny if there was a time skip and anon show back up in shape and all the mares suddenly find him attractive now
And it looks like the author genuinely didn't realize how unlikable they made the second human, and how sympathetic they made Anonymous. Looks like that was unintentional.
8944969
Oh, I noticed. I will do a blog post on that when the epilogue is out.
This chapter
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Fuck yeah
Dear lord, I never imagined Dash cursing would be this funny either. That was a great setup
I really didn't see that coming. Wow. I wanna see where this goes.
I approve of her harsh way to straighten Anon out - girl sure knows what she wants. Since this isn't drama - but comedy - I doubt bookhorse will get what's coming for bringing Anon due to 'science'.
Ten to one he straightens out his act and ends up with dah ladie in the epilogue.
Thought it would be much funnier if he found a local sapient instead - probably a pony who found him... interesting.
top kek have a like
poor anon
that beatdown wasnt unwarranted
8945212 It was a deserving beatdown. That fat porker needed to get in shape, hell if I was stuck in the same room as this anon I would have pushed him off the railing and watch him go splat.
And so Temptress was found guilty of Corrupting Loyalty and was sentenced to be turned into stone for one thousand years. With her last breath she cursed ponykind for betraying her and pleaded Anon to avenge her who had escaped custody at that time.
Fueled by sorrow and anger Anon no longer played the villain by annoying the equines, and instead gave them a true sample of human cruelty. He would bomb trains, poison water supplies and scorch fields until his three demands were met, the immediate release of Temptress, the abdication of the princesses and the prohibition for Alicorns of holding positions of power. No Human would suffer because of the equines idiocity ever again.
Or maybe Temptress escaped her punishment and became a true villain, i dunno.
8944976
Now the question is... was it intentional and relevant to the plot or completely coincidental and were just over analysing something irrelevant.
Next time on dragon ball Z!!!
I doubt any sensible adult would resort to such senceless violence.Anon did indeed need help and talking to.I had hoped this second Human would take this task as if order from a god and try to reform Anon..You know have someone to talk to.Slap him gently when he would curse.Try getting him to excirsize and then the fic would evolve into a feelsgoodman self improvement story with a Ponies no longer being loldumbrandom for sake of story..Comedy still would work.Tempress would have developed futher on her own throught this.Not even needing romance.Hell if we are going with multiverse and summoning fun.She dosent need to be nessecary from modern times..
So far Meh
8945441
Not really, Temptress is just a dumb bitch
We don't know how fat Anon is or how disgusting, and just saying go out work out and shit doesn't always work, otherwise obesity wouldn't as a huge problem as it is.
Secondly, what women would find Anon attractive? There are no women in Equestria, not including now Temptress, so who? Ponies? It's like asking people who finds dogs attractive, maybe you will get one or two people out of few hundred million.
Lastly ponies themselves aren't paragons of buty.
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But I'm sure someone would shag this.
Okay..now we know she's an Idiot.
All possible victim mentality BS Anon had going for him went out the window as she went down the list.
Because it went from being a "oh he's just displaced and upset about it" to being a petty NEET dick powertripping in a world where he can get away with it. Like most of the Anon stories.
Violence like that was excessive though.
Violence was a tad excessive, Rainbow cursing was funny, and I eagerly look forward to the epilogue.
I don't really like where this went. This girl's completely understandable anger is being totally misdirected. Anon didn't even ask them to steal her away.
That was completely THEIR idea!
No, actually. You're there because of the alicorns just like Anonymous who never would've been there in the first place if it wasn't for them.
If they were so quick to deem you a terrible villain and ready to kill you on the spot for something so considerably minor, I think it's likely they did the same when Anon first swore.
I know this fic has a Comedy tag attached to it so not everything is meant to be taken too seriously, but this left a bad taste in my mouth.
8945681
You edgy fucking piece of shit, how would he do any of that? I'm sick to death of seeing these "humans are hyper-violent monsters and given half a chance and two rocks to bang together, my self-insert character will do all sorts of cool and excessively violent things with a big smile on his face (or with no expression at all, just like my favourite anime!)" things all over the place. Why does it seem like pricks like you are incapable of writing a character who experiences emotions in a broader range than "blind rage"? What does doing any of that accomplish other than hurting innocent people who never even came in contact with him and painting an even bigger target on the back of his fat, greasy back? Any time I read about a character going from "angry, spastic fuck" to "cool headed hyper competent arms dealer who never gets caught and can do acts of incredible violence without hesitation", I know it's shit and the person who wrote about it is shit too.
8950783
Edit: I originally wrote this at 3am so i had to tweak it a little bit early today
Wow, that was kind of a strong and unwarranted reaction, but despite what you might think about me i´m inclined to agree with you about the over-abundance of immature hyper-violent human self-inserts. This story turned from being all-around fun into just making fun of a sad stereotype, most people here had admitted they feel more sympathy for Anon than any other character so i wrote plain stereotypical ending in the same way many of the stories here usually follow where the stereotypical character redeems itself through violence (after all the author did end the chapter with senseless violence). My previous comment does not necessarily reflect anything about my literary preferences nor my persona.
Violence Is a staple of the amateurish self-insert, stories where characters who constantly complaining about how much they suffer as a cheap justification for their cruel deeds while acquiring power in ways that feel completely undeserving in a world that is constantly shifting just to prove them right. Its usually boring yet i do not find it strange for violence and cruelty to be so common in this web page, in MLP stories humans are always best used as a source of contrast of fantasy vs reality, magic vs technology, peace vs war... etc. If the ponies are pure then the human must be impure, if the horses are obedient and lawful then the human must be a rebel. So in the hands of the fanfic writer the human quickly turns into an avatar of angst and bloodthirst. After all if the human character is not intrinsically different from the ponies... then why make it human at all?
Of course there are much better ways to use the human condition as a tool for creating contrast, yet i wouldn't expect to find much here as most stories are either self-fulfilling stories, personal reflections of the author itself (unappealing for the rest of us) or just crude humor, but im not bothered by it given that those are the type of stuff one would expect to find in a fanfic site. Still there is the one oddly gem or two lying around and its always a pleasant surprise to find those.
Personally i would love to read a story where a human is "summoned" as a tool of war, a being who´s expected to defeat the enemies of the realm through unfathomable destruction but instead turns to diplomacy and rational behavior to solve problems. To defy and surpass expectations is why an author writes yet this type of stories have a lower shock value and are harder to write so i´m not holding my breath.
Either way i think i wrote enough, i think you are barking at the wrong tree so please don´t be so quickly to judge nor anger the next time. I don´t find your comment offensive or anything of the sort and i´m open for further discussion. I also understand how one might get frustrated through reading many of the stories here which can lean to blowing up against unrelated commentators (i personally find some other "human" tropes very irking). Also sorry about my bad English, its hard to write in a foreign language.
See you around
Needs a #soapbox, #matriarchy, and #hewasaskingforit tag. To actually make this experience funny, imagine the readers' reactions to switching the genders of the characters: a fit, gentlemanly man physically beating and degrading a fat shy woman because she swore and was lonely.
To point out, I said the reader's reactions; the story would fall just as flat.
8952409
Yup, it is sad but so very true.
I guess I am one of the readers that didn't like this chapter at all. Beating someone up is not really something that would work to straighten someone out. Not to mention that Anon's crimes were annoyances at best. None of the characters in this chapter were likable. Temptress the least out of them. Anon...he was a only tad likable as his first reaction with the bulge and his first words towards her didn't make a good impression at all. Still, one could feel sympathetic towards him seeing as he didn't want to be lonely anymore.
Honestly, I will read the Epilogue but I doubt I will like the story with how it went. So with that I will still love the story that came before this but ignore this sequel. It just isn't comedic anymore and more tragic and sad than anything.
*Sigh* Reading this chapter again reminds me why I stopped reading this and anything else by this author.
10762131
Saying you read this again and stopped reading my stuff in one sentence.