Timey and Ditzy's First Meeting

I just wanted to write some Timey/Ditzy, I love this couple so much and I hope I got them fairly right. Be gentle please, I'm just starting out.

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Lets Do This

Lets Do This #1 · Aug 22nd, 2018 · 2 · ·

This is a nice mood-piece meeting of Ditzy/Derpy and the Time-Turner version of Doctor Whooves. You capture Time-Turner's clocksmith-and-I-may-have-a-time-machine nature very well, and also Ditzy's sweet-yet-resiliant nature. Although to be honest, being a HUGE Doctor Who fan, I kept waiting for the TARDIS to show up at some point. And it does -- but right at the very end! Aaack! I'd love to see Ditzy's reaction to the time machine, and see the two of them setting off on a random adventure together.

You've captured the very beginning of their journey, and framed it with the end, and done both very well, but a big draw for a Doctor Who crossover is the crazy journey inbetween, and the characters' reactions to it. This is a good starting point for that, if you wanted to expand it into a longer piece!

Some specific comments:

notoriously terrible at keeping time in spite of the many, many timekeeping devices that he surrounded himself with, but when it came to her birthday, he appeared to be on cue like Robin Hoof's arrow.

- a nice indirect way of showing how much Time-Turner cares

she could've easily dispelled the weather, but Ponyville's weather was under strict regulation

- this is a cool way of explaining the rainy weather as more than just a "sad rainy day" opening

The mailmare looked around, until one of her eyes focused on a small green tent heavily obscured in the rain,

- in the opening scene it's mentioned that they first met atop a high hill. Maybe Ditzy looks up at this point and sees the tent atop the hill?

Dolly zoom on Ditzy's face.

- Style-wise, it's preferable not to use camera directions in a story, though I understand what you're trying to capture here. It's better to express things like this via prose actions or emotions, e.g. "Her eyes went wide, and her entire face lit up."

Time Turner smiled mysteriously. "Maaaaaaybe. So, what brings you all the way out here?

- I like the way he hints and then changes the subject here -- very Doctor-ish!

"I-I-I did think of buying a big diamond and all, ...

- This is a nice rambling I'll-get-there-eventually-but-first-there's-all-these-words paragraph. It expresses his nervousness well.

Time Turner placed the ring on Ditzy, and [wound] it up,

- One tiny timey-wimey tense typo!

"Told you I had a time machine..."

- This is a great way to close out, though as noted it would be great to continue and see them set off on an adventure!

RushyFiction

RushyFiction #2 · Aug 23rd, 2018 · · ·

9126665
I very much appreciate the lengthy analysis. And I'm also a huge fan of Doctor Who, though in the case of this fanfic, I wanted to leave it slightly ambiguous and not go full-on into the "I'm a Time Lord from another universe" stuff. I love Derpy as a companion though, so I might write a sequel.

Destiny Chaser

Destiny Chaser #3 · Jun 26th, 2019 · 1 · ·

Even as one who is not completely familiar with the popular Dr. Who series, this story is sweet in its own standing. It is so refreshing to see innocent love portrayed in such a heart-warming manner. Ditzy deserves a good stallion in her life; the gentlemanly Time Turner does nicely. Charmed