im just a guy that likes stories about ponies and the like,and i enjoy the stories so much i thought i might try writing them,if anyone has ideas or advice id love to hear it so i can write better.
my name is Sam and this is the story of my time living among the trees and the forest
Sam was camping at night during a thunderstorm to wait for it to pass, when he wakes up it is in a world not familiar to him, follow along on his journey to survive, learn about the world around him, make a home for himself and avoid that strange green unicorn that seems strangely obsessed with his hands.
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5 paragraphs. 1300 words. Text wall. Please do something about that. Every time a different character speaks, it should be a paragraph. Try reading it out loud and seeing where you naturally pause. That should also help you with the grammar as well.
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/549/302/4d6
9455112
thank you for your suggestions I will try to fix the story to the best of my ability, and maybe you could help me again if I need it, I um would apresheate it so um thank you
I will follow to see where this goes
9458185
I have the vague idea of where it will go but if you have any suggestions id gladly hear them.
9458331
Give him a friend. It doesn't have to be a pony or any other sapient race but friend so that he isn't lonely
9458386
hmm interesting, I do believe I shall do that, thank you for the suggestion
9458400
Welcome
so um I hope you liked the first chapter and I wanted to say that I am already working on the next chapter and it should be added soon.
More would be nice
9482785
I have another chapter in the works but it is being delayed for personal reasons and writers block, I'm sorry for any inconvenience it causes
9485248
Its alright
9485249
9485249
did you get my reply I don't know if it sent?
the next chapter is comming,it is merly taking much longer than I thought.
9503287
Even longer
9565793
ya sorry about that,at this point i am just hoping i can find time to finish it at all
9565895
Its why I asked if you needed help
9565897
at this point ya i could use it hell if you wanted id even let you write part of it, because i really want to finish this second chapter but i have some stuff happening right now so i dont have much time to work on it.
9565901
9565897
sorry for not editing guys, i got busy with religious excuses, drawing practice, setting up a youtube channel for a kids and many other things to edit the stories. so yeah that's the reason why i got busy and also i'm kinda involved in this BIG project take a look here's the link
https://boards.4channel.org/mlp/thread/33745916/pony-ml#p33762103
My luck,
Sam
Good chapter
9577071
Thank you I think it turned out rather well
9577085
I think so as well
9577056
It's fine man I only ask for help if you can spare the time
hey their um I wanted to ask the opinion of my viewers how they think the story should progress in the next chapter, I have some ideas like where Sam goes now that he ran back in the forest and what characters to introduce next, so um to make it easier I want your guys input on the ideas I have, should Sam 1: make his camp in the old castle of the two sisters 2: make his camp in a tree hollowed out by lightning or 3: make his camp in an abandoned dragons cave
Also, I want your input on who gets introduced next what do you think 1: Celestia 2: the rest of the main six or 3: Zecora
I would really like your input as I want to make this story the most enjoyable for you to read so please let me know
I would just like to say that this story has some great potential in it from what i have read so far, please keep up the good work, and have fun writing.
Your friendly neighborhood shunter,
The_GWR_Pannier_Tank
Looks awesome dude
Hmm, definitely getting better. The grammar though, well, could use some work.
This part was the only problem I personally found in this chapter.
The GWR Pannier Tank
Overall, I give it 7 stars out of 10.
1 if you ever see a wild wolf pup GET OUT NOW you are in the heart of wolf territory.
2 I wonder how rich Lyra is now
9904839
the whole forest is wolf territory but yes, I see your point, but if I wrote it like that quite a bit of the story would be gone, also you'll find out in the next chapter. thanks for the feedback
9904853
Its for those who don't know
Okay, this made my day, keep it up man.
9907583
I'm glad I could make your day thank you
Intresting
While I'm not a Grammar Nazi, the spelling and grammar is bad enough to almost hurt. Other than that it's interesting.
10305807
Oh well I'm sorry to heat that, I had it thoroughly checked, if you could tell me what part I seemed to have missed so I can possibly fix it that would be most apresheated
10306348
Its mainly words being shortened or replaced with words that are wrong for the context. I'm not on a computer at the moment so I can't really point them all out.
I also don't have the time atm.
10306478
Oh well thank you anyway I'll be sure to look into it and try and fix anything I find,thank you for pointing this out to me sonetimes a second prospective is needed
This is a very good story so far, however, there are still a few wrinkles to iron out, these are the ones i've found:
Please keep in mind that these are honest mistakes anyone can make and should not discourage you from writing more, because I for one am looking forward to the next chapter (whenever it is.)
Cheers, and keep up the good work.
Signed,
The_GWR_Pannier_Tank
Read the description* .... Don't feel so good.
*Start to read* Hope that just a cover
*After reading* Rage 50%
rage is it? i take it that perhaps you do not aprove of the hitting of dragons?
10859225
Then you have to know how to reply to me. The reason I rage is your writing here. Have you fix it yet because I can't read if you write like this? You change the POV without any notice for the reader, which makes me very confused.
P/S: Hitting dragons is normal to me. Dragons is being a punching bag in most animes and cartoons.