• Member Since 19th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 22 minutes ago

TotalOverflow


Howdy. I like to write and be creative. I've done a few things, here and there. Apples seem to be a common theme.

T

~~~APOCALYPSE IN APPLEOOSA!~~~
THE END OF THE WORLD!?

Some days, it feels like the sky itself is falling.
After the destruction of Applejack's prized tree Bloomberg, Braeburn find himself caught between allegiances to his friends, and to a helpless pony who appeared as if from nowhere. Not to mention the suspicious actions of the buffalo, and the recent string of earthquakes rocking the desert. Mixing classic wild western adventures with magic and fantasy, The Outlaw, The Star, and the Big, Big Sky tells a story of revenge, redemption, and how the best of intentions can lead to the destruction of the very ground upon which we all stand.

This story was originally started in 2011, shortly after finishing my first story, Macintosh. While Macintosh was a slower paced character study of the Big Mac himself, The Outlaw, The Star, and the Big, Big Sky aims to tell a story full of fairy tale adventure and deadly desperados. 6 Chapters were written, with an extra unfinished chapter recently uploaded, containing a flashback to Braeburn's childhood showing just how dangerous and bloody the untamed deserts can be.

12 years on, I'm hoping for any and all thoughts and feedback on this story. I would love to continue writing from where it was left off, but life is busy and I may not have the time. But if the interest is there, I would at least love to engage and discuss what could have been, and maybe make the time to finish it.
Thank you kindly, and watch out for shooting stars.

For now, this could be considered an alternate universe fic, though until it's finished it's hard to say how well it would fit in with established canon.

Cover art elements made with AI (Bing Copilot) then tweaked and photoshopped together by me.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 22 )

Bahahah! I love it! Great paragraphing skills, btw. I'm looking forward to more of this. Gonna read now now and let you know what I think.

Hey thanks! Yes, any feedback at all will be greatly appreciated. I want to make this story the best it can be :pinkiehappy:

Moar! Are you planning on showing us what happened with Braeburn and Marmalade?

Yep, Braeburn's past will be delved into at a later point in the story :ajsmug:

Well, that's all I can share of this story so far. Hopefully you enjoyed reading, and hopefully I can continue writing this soon :twilightsmile:

Good stuff, mang. Again, I'm not sure how much help I could be. I think if I could write as well as you do, my stories would be more popular :twilightsmile:

Haha thanks :rainbowlaugh: I'm only a few chapters into your first story, but it's pretty cool so far :raritywink:
Honestly though ANY feedback, even spelling mistakes, would be greatly appreciated. So much work has to be done on this story so anything at all would be of great help :pinkiehappy:

Hooooly crap. This story is so well-written that I don't think any suggestions from me would be better than what you have planned. Definitely some buffalo/pony fisticuffs in order, though.

What I think: I do like the way Braeburn and Strongheart seemed to 'crush' on each other slightly :raritywink: but I don't think very highly of him having a twin sister, fanon or not. :ajbemused:

What to improve: It never matters to me, pretty much anything goes except like-gendered shipping, Spa:pinkiesick:rity, Fancy:twilightangry2:Fleur and other hetero couples I otherwise can't like.

I'm thinking it ought to be "Git yer fat flanks out here..." since they have them on both sides of their rear, wouldn't you think?

Also,

With a bray he galloped away before he remembered the filly in his room.

He'd make that sound if he were a donkey or mule, not a pony/horse.

“No, no..AAAAPPLELOOSA!” he brayed, “gotta say it right!”

Again, he is not a donkey/mule and wouldn't make that sound. :ajbemused:- Ya hear?

Later reveals in the show will likely necessitate changes as this story was begun in August of 2011.

Please don't do this; I can't stand when writers think that for some reason they need to do this.

Hello from 2017, you have here a right good yarn and I was hoping you might bring it back, I suspect that Starlight isn't from equestria, and might not even be a pony at all. I'm curious as to what the bighorn sheep have to do with things, and I'm rather ashamed to admit it, but I'd like to see how braeburn fares at lying his way out of this mysterious guest of his. The only errors I noticed were small errors in grammar, spelling, punctuation, and a few word-choice issues. The best example I can recall comes from the scene in this chapter where Braeburn and Starlight are cleaning up after supper, you used the word desert when you ought to have used dessert. I look forward to seeing more and best of luck in your current and future endeavours.
Sincerely, BirdsBooksBrownies

8569770
Hello from 2024! I got nostalgic and was looking over my old stories. Your comment spurred me on to upload the unfinished parts of this story. Better for someone to read them, than for them to never see the light of day. 7 years on, but I hope you do see this.

11898698
Hello fellow time traveler:twilightsmile: I might have to start over your story because I honestly don't remember a thing from almost a decade ago (at least as far as reading choices are concerned) but then again, I might struggle to tell you exactly what I had for lunch last week but I can tell you in pretty good detail about a funny situation from Highschool. :rainbowlaugh:

11898724
You aren't alone! I need to re-read it myself. It's lived rent free in my head ever since I started writing it. But I'm very pleased you saw this update. Thank you sincerely.

I've just spent the last few days re-reading this story. It's been many years since I read it, and I can't lie, I even found myself getting wrapped up in it and wondering what would happen next. There's a not-so-small party of me that is very tempted to continue writing, another part that wants to go back and refine what's already there, and another part that wants to let it rest as it is. I'm undecided which path to go down right now.
All that said, I do have some old bits and pieces of art i did for this story, which I'm considering posting as well (Though I'd first need to figure out how to post images here and where to host them, haha). Let me know your thoughts.

I haven't been able to read any of it yet, but I'll slide this up to the next fic I look at after I'm finished with my current one. I'll be sure to tell you my thoughts, and I'm definitely intrigued.

Interesting that you had a completely original character named Starlight before the show did...

Your drawings are absolutely spectacular, and I'm glad that the image hoster I suggested is working for you.

11903839
I completely forgot to mention that about starlight! I should add that to the post itself haha.
And yes, thanks for the tip, it's been great having an easy way to host images :pinkiehappy:

Twelve years? not bad. Does anyone have a better record? I'll take a look at it later.

Login or register to comment