Shadowpony300
Joined 20th Jun, 2018 ·
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I thought it gonna be one more great sex mind breaking story how zebras make mares of equestria their broodmares but this one is very sad
10433746
This one was a request from a friend in order a trade for a story for a other one.
I like it thus far. The combat's improved, I enjoyed Shining's blind rage and I cannot express my love for the concept of wooden armor. The worst I can say is that there's punctuation and prose errors.
10433746
I'm writing that story. I'm the trade partner. It's a few days out.
Oh, deary me. I actually rather liked Talon.
Uhhh
That can't be how it ends
They are just going to give up and let the innocent ponies they captured stay there? The elements and innocent children? That doesn't sound right, they could have found a way to win like making a bullet-proof shield spell or concocting a poison that exclusively on zebra's.
They could have found a way.
10467603
One- Only two of the elements was killed not capture.
Two- The princesses already lost so many soldiers to the black power weapons of the zebras that they had no choice.
10467661
Is there a chance in the future? Like as soon as they find a counter to guns?
10467728
Sorry but no
10467850
That sucks... They ruined countless lives and got away with it...
10467857
To be fair, the story is tagged as a tragedy. That usually means that there's no happy ending. It's like going to the opera; You know going in that Nicky will end up drugged out of his mind in a hospital without Mary from the get-go. You don't yet know that Nicky killing Mary is just a cover-up, but you know it doesn't end well. For either of them.
Bonus points if you know the opera from which I pulled this example.
Because I strongly believe that comments (be it in favor or opposition) on an author’s work can serve to help them a ton, I thought I’d leave my explanation for disliking this fic and tossing it in that designated bookshelf.
Believe it or not, my dislike had little to do with the subject matter. In fact, I find the concept of Shinning Armor actually performing knightly duties (despite being a prince), and facing an incoming war, pretty intriguing. Add in a flare of revenge for the death of his sister and we should have a damn good time. The only issue is the quality of writing, the poor characterization, and this strange disconnect from how real people react to things. I see there is the alternative universe tag added so I won’t hold the poor characterization against you too much, but the level of writing just takes me out of the experience.
That said, I think your idea is wonderful! Very creative and with an editor and a bit more work it could be made truly amazing. For now, (and I will admit I have a soft spot for zebras so maybe there is a bit of bias slipping through too) I will leave it in my bookshelf and perhaps come back to it later.
All the best!