Two young stallions join The Royal Equestrian Military in time of war. Each dwelling in the thought of fame and adventure both, unexpectedly, receive news of their departure. The thought of death loomed over their minds, taunting them. Only armed with a shield and spear, the two pursue a common enemy -- the griffins. Leading the the two, and thousands of others, three generals of different origin, collaborating for a better and successful victory. But treachery and greed will always find its way into the battlefield. The cause of a casualty ,at times, may not be the fault of the warrior but the pony who leads them.
Chapters (2)
I know Sunlight's letter dose not make that much sense. BUT that is one hundred percent intentional.
Feel free to comment about anything with the story.
I'm-a read this tomorrow after I come back from school, cause night time is NOT the best time for reading, amiright?
Anyways, it seems like you finally got a D-L. Whoever did that needs to post a comment before being considered, don't mind him/her.
1693711
Its okay, this is my first story and chapters one and two weren't my best. I do agree with you, that person could have left a comment telling me why he/she didn't like the story.
Okay! Finally, I get to review this fic. Sorry it took me a while, but life can be a bitch.
The first paragraph uses his name a lot; you could -- per my suggestion -- use pronouns like 'his'. Aside from that, I like the dramatic similes and other forms of figures of speech that you wrote all over the chapter -- I like to do that a lot in my story, too.
*The same goes for other paragraphs; use more pronouns, not always the names.
"His heart pound as sweat..." - Should that be 'pounded'?
"To his right laid Roadway..." - I think that should be 'lay' -- though I'm not entirely sure.
"white vapors escaped..." - I think the 'white' should be capital.
"Whisperers carried through the walls..." - Should that be 'whispers'.
"I've been apart of this conflict..." - I suppose that should be 'a part'.
* That letter to Sunlight's parents was kind of the highlight of the chapter; I liked it!
1700099
I'm glad you liked Sunlight's letter.
Thanks Delvius, I'll be sure to fix those errors when I come across it.
1703231Glad to hear it, and can't wait for the next chapter!