128. The Homecoming
Radish Root and Light Fantastic trekked their way across the gray dry plains of the Flint Steppes.
“Almost there, hon,” said Radish.
“Okay.”
“You look nervous.”
“I’ve never met a guy’s parents before. I’ve never dated a guy who liked his parents before.”
“They’ll love you.”
They crested a hill and saw the Root homestead in the distance. The beets were coming in. Light stopped to take it all in.
“It really is an old-fashioned earth pony farm in the middle of nowhere. I just never considered how different our upbringings were. I don’t know anything about anything I’m seeing here.”
“Honey, aren’t you always saying art is about getting out of your comfort zone?”
“No, it’s about getting others out of their comfort zone. I’ve never left mine before.”
“And you still haven’t.”
He waved his hoof at the farm.
“I want you to think of this as your comfort zone, too.”
“Okay. Do they know the latest about your cutie mark?”
“Yeah, I wrote them explaining everything.”
As they approached the farm, they heard a crunch on the dry earth behind them. They turned to see a griffon in a Plains Rangers uniform, aiming a crossbow at them.
“Don’t move.”
“Gibbs, I presume?” asked Radish. “I’m Radish Root.”
Gibbs made a series of gestures with a closed claw. Radish made some back with this hoof.
“Okay. The verbal password?”
“Petitgrain.”
Gibbs lowered his crossbow.
“Welcome home, major. And hello to you too, miss.”
“Thanks for guarding this place,” Radish said, holding out a hoof. Gibbs shook it.
“Hey, it’s what Rangers do. Besides, I want a chance at Glimmer, the same as anycreature. The reward on her is massive.”
“Nice hardware, by the way.”
Gibbs hefted his crossbow, showing its payload. The crossbow bolt was tipped with a small ceramic cylinder.
“Oh yeah. Proprietary anti-magic blend. I don’t know the recipe, but supposedly it’s a mix of everything that ever gave a spellcaster a bad day. This’ll put Glimmer down for the count, and these,” he said showing off his talons, “will make her regret ever targeting a princess.”
“Happy hunting, Ranger,” said Radish.
Gibbs flew off. Radish and Light walked the dirt path to the Root home.
“Honey, his orders are to take Glimmer alive, right?”
“If he can. Are you worried for her life?”
“If I got my hooves on her, I’d beat her to a pulp. But I’d let the pulp live.”
“You’re all heart, Fan.”
They reached the house’s porch. Radish knocked on the door. It opened wide. Radish’s parents stood there, smiling.
“Ma! Pa!”
“Radish!”
They hugged. Light stood by nervously. “Hello, I’m-”
“And you must be Light Fantastic! I’m Beet Root!”
“I’m Celery Root!”
They hugged her and pulled her inside.
“So, Light. Tell us about yourself,” said Beet Root, filling Light’s wine glass. The four were gathered in the living room.
“Well, I was born in Cirruscinati. My parents worked with lightning. I tried cloud sculpting, but when I got too creative with cloud shapes, I got into trouble. So I moved my art onto canvas, and never looked back.
“I ended up in Canterlot because I wanted to meet a few prominent artists there. But most of them moved on by the time I got there. They’ll be back. Anyway, I met Radish at the coffeehouse, and the rest you know.”
“What attracted you to Radish that night?” asked Celery Root.
“Ma!”
“His poem.”
“He’s never shared it with us,” said Beet.
“And I never will,” said Radish firmly.
“And he was really sitting there, with his cutie mark out for all to see?” Celery asked.
“Yeah! I thought it was the coolest thing I’d ever seen!”
“So Radish has her in a headlock, but of course, her neck is like the size of a whole normal pony. So she just tosses him off and slams him against the wall!” Light exclaimed, pantomiming the action.
“Did it hurt?” Celery Root asked, adding another dish to the dining table.
“No, he just jumped off the wall and dragged her to the ground!”
“Fanny, you weren’t even there,” sighed Radish.
“Yeah, but like two hundred ponies were. The unofficial unauthorized book about the fight came out days later.”
“It was anonymous, but I’m pretty sure Maple Bar wrote it,” said Radish. “It contains phrases she tends to use.”
“And Princess Celestia didn’t fire you?” Beet Root asked.
“No, we’re on good terms.”
“Yeah, for a berserker, she’s a real sweetheart,” chuckled Light.
“In fact, wrestling bouts became a lot more popular with palace personnel after that,” Radish said. “Celestia hasn’t done it again, but the bat ponies all do it. They’re the reigning champions. They took the title away from me, and have been fighting over it since.”
“How’ve they been?” asked Celery. “We miss them.”
“They’ve been great. I’m sorry I couldn’t get them to come guard this place. Luna has them working on some secret project.”
“Honey, we’re fine here. Gibbs is always nearby, and Strauss and Mickey are guarding us, too.”
“Who are they? Other rangers?” asked Light.
“No, farm helpers,” said Beet. “Strauss? Mickey? Come meet Radish and Light!”
A Barred Owl flew in the kitchen window and landed on the table. It dropped something in front of Light. She stared at it. It was a Coral Snake. It stared at her.
“Honey, is this…”
“Yep, venomous,” said Radish. “Yellow to red, kill pony dead.”
Light grinned uneasily at the snake. She inched back. “Hey, there, buddy. I’m allowed to be here,” she assured it.
“Between the day and the night, one of them is always awake,” explained Beet Root.
“Thanks for helping,” said Radish.
Strauss hopped up on Radish’s shoulder. Mickey slithered up Light’s hoof and curled around her neck like a scarf.
“Yeah, I feel safer already,” she said.
“So, Light, how’s the shop?” asked Celery Root.
“Doing well,” said Light, trying to ignore Mickey. “We’re adding glow-in-the-dark variants for everyone to the lineup.”
“Lineup?”
“Light here makes merchandise of various celebrities as wrestlers,” explained Radish. “It started with my match with Celestia, then just blew up from there.”
“So there’s some of you, son?” asked Beet Root.
“Especially him! Check this out- I brought this for you two,” said Light.
She reached in her bag and pulled out a Nightmare Root figurine, placing it on the table in front of Celery. It depicted Radish striking a powerful fighting pose, wearing a more fantastic and stylized version of standard wrestling gear. Mickey flicked his tongue at it.
“Whoa! Look at that!” exclaimed Celery Root.
“Nightmare Root is always a steady seller. Especially with young ladies,” Light said, winking. “If I hadn’t come along, he’d probably now be knee-deep in pu- uh, fan appreciation.”
“If Light hadn’t come along, I wouldn’t have fought Celestia at all.”
“Oh, you should have seen her spa!” said Light. “There’s an indoor waterfall so tall, I nearly drowned in its undertow!”
Radish sat on the back porch, listening to the frogs sing. His father sat in the next chair, looking at the moon.
“So, some of it’s yours, huh?” he asked, passing Radish a beer.
“Yeah, Luna gave The Sea of Omens to me. She’s nice like that.”
“We really like Light Fantastic.”
“I knew y’all would get along.”
“How… uh… are you going to… well, what’s your thinking on, you know…”
“She’s the one, dad. The ring is being made.”
“Glad to hear it.”
They clinked beer bottles.
“But… there’s this thing Twilight Sparkle said to me. About how she couldn’t pretend her enemies wouldn’t target her love life. And my enemies have targeted Light before.”
“The Wagoners, right?”
“Celestia warned them off from Light, but that’s not going to work with Glimmer. Dad, I’m scared for her.”
“Son, there’s always going be some villain out there. There’s always going to be an excuse not to have the life you want.”
“I just want to hold off until Glimmer’s behind bars. Or in an urn.”
“That may never happen. And then Glimmer’s beat you without even doing anything.”
“There’s another way. I can transfer to the Royal Excursionary Force. Join the team that’s actively hunting her.”
“Then you’d be away from Light, indefinitely.”
“I’d be doing it for her.”
“Have you talked to her about it?”
“She wouldn’t want me to do it.”
“Then why are you considering it?”
“Dad, would you consider being away from mom indefinitely if it meant protecting her?”
“In a heartbeat. Damn. I didn’t think I’d lose this argument.”
“Love makes the argument for us, doesn’t it?”
“Son, if you have to do this, I get it. But you may never get Glimmer, and you may lose Light. For all you know, Twilight Sparkle will have Glimmer turned to stone by the time you get back.”
“Dad, Twilight may try to reform her. She does it for all her villains.”
“And what, you want to get Glimmer first so Twilight can’t give her that chance at reform? If you did that with Nightmare Moon, you wouldn’t have Luna. And you said she’s nice.”
“There’s no good side underneath Starlight waiting to be set free. There’s no reforming somepony like her.”
Beet Root sighed.
“Good luck, son.”
Radish’s childhood bedroom was more or less as he left it as a teen, but as his old bed wasn’t big enough for two, the Roots had prepared their guest bedroom for the couple. Celery was showing Light the closet where the extra linens were stored.
“Uh… Mother Root?”
“Just call me Celery, dear.”
“Celery… are you disappointed that Radish is with me instead of Celestia?”
Celery smiled. “Did you think we were hoping he’d be our ticket into the royal family?”
Light nodded.
Celery put a hoof on Light’s shoulder. “Light, we’d have been happy if Radish had stayed on the farm for the rest of his life. We’re proud that he left to find his place in the world. And we’re overjoyed that he met you.”
Light looked down. “Oh… thanks.”
“You’re welcome, Light.”
“Call me ‘Fanny’.”
“That’s so pretty! Okay, Fanny.”
Radish and Light snuggled into each other in the guest bed. Radish blew out the light.
“Rad, thanks for expanding my comfort zone.”
“Any time.”
“But this isn’t one of those things where I’m expected to be up before dawn to help with chores, is it?”
“Nah, beets let you sleep in.”
“Nice.”
Light stretched out, allowing herself to sink into the mattress. Radish leaned on his hoof to look at her. “Say, uh, Light?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you worried about Glimmer being out there?”
“A little. But the whole country is hunting for her. She’s probably fled Equestria by now.”
Starlight Glimmer sat in a dark corner booth of a mostly-forgotten restaurant in an old part of downtown Canterlot. A yellow unicorn stallion took the seat opposite her, glancing around apprehensively.
“Do you have it?” he asked.
Starlight placed an object wrapped in cloth on the table. She unwrapped it just enough so the stallion could see what it was. It was Radish Root’s cutie mark, still encased in a chunk of crystal. The stallion leaned forward in amazement.
“Whoa.”
“As you can see, this cutie mark guarantees that Princess Celestia will fall in love with its owner. With this on your flanks, you could walk right into the palace and become her long-awaited prince.”
“Where did it come from?”
“We agree to no questions asked, remember?”
“Right. Sorry.”
“Now, your end of the bargain.”
The stallion unfolded a worn map of Equestria onto the table. He had drawn a large number of crisscrossing lines across the nation, and circled an area where several intersected.
“I’ve always been sensitive, you see- sensitive to the invisible currents and tides of magical energy that flow across Equestria. Most unicorns dismiss them as mere background noise, but I’ve charted them, and discovered patterns.”
“So what?”
“Right here,” he said, pointing to the circle, “there’s an anomaly in the Mountains of Difficult Terrain. Like a whirlpool of dark magic.”
“Ooh, that does sound interesting. What’s causing it?”
“I don’t know. It’s not on any record. There must be something hidden in there. A secret place that holds staggering magic power.”
“Just waiting for somepony to go and claim it,” Starlight mused.
“So… do we have a deal?”
“If that place has what I need, the cutie mark is yours. Come on, we’re leaving right now.”
“You want me to go with you? I- I can’t. I’ve got-”
Starlight’s horn lit up. The stallion felt a constriction around his throat.
“I wasn’t asking. Now, move.”
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Yeah, I'm sure that would go well. Some adult stallion showing up in Canterlot with Radish's cutie mark that isn't Radish Root. Whoever this guy is, he's a grade A moron.
Nice. This is getting interesting
11939612
from how he is talking after seeing it im guessing he might not know its radishes. i mean most would know he has a sexual mark but likely only in passing
I'm sure only good things will come from this development, definitely.
11939641
I'm sorry, but this guy supposedly wants Celestia's intimate attentions and isn't aware of Radish? Unless he's locked himself in his home to worship his shrine to the sun pony, I just don't see how that is possible. Anypony remotely interested in Celestia will have seen news involving Radish.
this story is the definition of "awful taste but great execution"
the premise sounds like the prompt to a trashy clopfic but the actual story and writing is better than some actual published books I've had the displeasure of reading
you do huh?
when the fiction is this peak, you don't leave me much choice
another great chapter
11939654
I literally could not agree more. I remember when I first saw the description for this story I just thought "oh this is gonna be some really crappy clopfic." but then I noticed that there was no porn tag so I decided, "hey, screw it, I've got time to waste, might as well read the first couple chapters and see where it goes."
Now I'm sitting here over 300,000 words later with absolute no regrets whatsoever.
Also wait a second, I know you!
11939650
im not saying he wont reconise it forever but its likely that the mark that radish keeps hidden every chance he gets is only known by word of mouth and some artist interpretations. Even then the reason radish gets so much hate from the public is her mark being out there all the time so its likely interpretations of his mark and pictures are not at hand for most individuals.
Im also not saying he does not know about radish but perhaps he does not know radishes mark by glance.
There is also starlight to consider here as we know that she does not play fair and since she has similer magic skill to twilight she likely has a spell long the same lines as the "want it, need it" spell. There could be alot of explanations but im interested to see how this goes as starlight doesnt seem the type to keep her word
11939680
What gave it away, I wonder...her blatantly lying through her teeth about the mark’s supposed power to begin with, perhaps?
ETA: I don’t know, I’ve seen some pretty sympathetic fanfic Starlights and even the canon version, karma Houdini or not, ended up not being completely intolerable. But at this point I’m honestly not yet convinced this particular one can in fact be redeemed; she seems to be playing a darker game than even the one in the show, who at least “only” became a villain by ridiculously overreacting to some things that upset her.
Chat, does he know? The poor bastard...
If that place has something worth getting, Starlight is going to steal his cutie mark and leave him for dead.
Now I'm imagining that Starlight's endgame is to have a group of completely loyal followers (whether bespelled or not) be the only ponies to have marks; marks that she gives them from her collection.
The way this story is going with Glimmer, she may not be given a chance at being reformed. The way she is acting may have her losing her head. LITERALLY!!!
11939725
So starlight Glimmer is MLP's All For One?
Glim-Glam, NO. Whatever you're thinking, STOP IT. I have a spray bottle, and I'm NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!
Petitgrain is an oil extracted from the leaves of the bitter orange tree and I can't help but feel this is some sort of callback to the Balencia Orange that was used as a metaphor for Radish's career earlier in the fic. Am I reading too much into this?
11940045
In chapter 19, Radish learns that it's Celestia’s favorite perfume.
“The mountains of difficult terrain” lol
11939654
No need to be a suck-up to Author-San.
11939966
I mean, in a way that fits, but All for One just takes what interests him. Considering Starlight's canon mission statement as a villain, the lead-up to that endgame would be stealing the marks of all other ponies, the face of that movement being as an equalizer but the truth of it being to remove any chance of any pony not aligned with her rising up and overthrowing her. Her followers would also be her enforcers.
Huh, the only solution I can think of to such a takeover (assuming she succeeds) would be the Humane 7 crossing over. Because Starlight didn't bother to so much as keep up with current events (by the way, how did Discord miss a beacon like Starlight and her 'cutie mark vault' in the magical deadland Tirek left Equestria in his gathering spree), she wouldn't know about the mirror and if someone was able to get a message to Sunset through the linked journals then EQG!Dash would get her Hero Time. Considering how long Starlight's campaign would logically take, there's no way the Humane 7 wouldn't have their geodes.
Starlight is getting more unhinged and deranged
I hope she keeps that word
Good luck with that
I don't think there will be a truce between the two
I'm surprised he falls for it
Is this where we separate ourselves from the canon? Is Starlight too far gone for Twilight to save her?
11939966
Nah, not even close. All for one was manipulating accomplished villains , not begrudged nobodies.