Twilight paled as she stared at the slender form of the deep blue pony that stood in front of her.
Princess Luna, the immortal Alicorn goddess of the moon and sister to Twilight’s mentor and ruler of Equestria. Twilight was paralysed with fear, still baring her teeth with a snarl plastered across her face. To her credit, Luna gave little reaction to Twilight’s state, her eyes widening before she looked at the ground.
“Oh. my apologies Twilight Sparkle, I was unaware of your… condition,” she said flatly, much to Twilight’s frustration. Her mind snapped back to reality and she concentrated on her teeth, cautiously sliding them back into her gums.
“You aren’t scared?” she asked the Moon Princess, who only sighed in response.
“How am I meant to act toward somepony touched by Discord’s reward, especially if that pony is my friend?” Luna asked.
“Wait, go back, what do you mean ‘Discord’s reward?’” Twilight enquired and Luna gave her a quizzical look.
“I-I would have thought you were aware of your plight Twilight Sparkle.”
“I’m sorry princess, but I have no idea what is happening to me, nor how to stop it,” she explained.
Luna remained stoic, as though contemplating something. An uncomfortable silence followed, but it was one that Twilight was used to. Since the incident on Nightmare Night, Twilight and Luna had been keeping in contact, either by mail, or in person during one of Twilight’s frequent trips to Canterlot or during a star gazing session in Ponyville. Luna’s difficulty with modern language made for very slow, deliberate conversation, which had a tendency to be often brutal in its honesty. But this particular silence seemed different, as though Luna was trying to hold something back.
“Luna, please. If you know anything that might help me, you must tell me,” Twilight pleaded and finally she relented.
“Twilight, back before my exile, before the nightmare, during the reign of Discord, there were some ponies who supported him. They were known as the ‘Priests of Discord.’ The leaders of these false priests or any pony who happened to please him were given his great reward. They were turned into beings of portable chaos, ponies who would hunt and feed on the life force of other ponies,”
“Vampires, like me.”
“No, not like you. The vampires you know of are mere shadows of the perfect hunter that these ponies were. You are something so much more. You are of the race ‘Equine Vampiris.’”
“And what does that mean exactly?”
“It means that you cannot eat normal food, that you must drink the blood of ponies to survive. If you don’t, you will become like that of an animal, unable to control yourself around friends or family. You are stronger, faster than you used to be, but you are not immortal.”
“But I thought vampires were ageless,” Spike interrupted and Luna facehooved, growing noticeably frustrated.
“She is not a Vampire Spike! She is something much worse,” snapped Luna. Twilight felt numb. To find out that she was something that had spread chaos throughout the whole of Equestria was terrifying.
“Is there anything I can do to change back?” she asked quietly. Luna went quiet once more and it was all the answer Twilight needed. Tears filled her eyes as she collapsed onto the ground and started to cry loudly. Spike hugged her neck, but she shrugged him off, not wanting to be touched. Luna bent down to look her in the eyes, but recoiled slightly when she saw that Twilight’s fangs had dropped.
“Twilight Sparkle, please listen to me. I do not know of any way for you to return to your previous form, but I may know of somepony who does,” she told her, trying to sound comforting. Twilight looked up with an expectant look on her face, which only looked weird in combination with her fangs. “Chrysalis, queen of the changelings.”
***
Twilight began to assault the dark coated Alicorn with questions about her new form, attempting to aggregate all of her millennia of knowledge into something that she could use. In her head, Twilight was compiling a biological profile of her species, as well as Vampires in general.
Spike soon fell asleep as Luna tried her best to keep up with Twilight’s tirade of questions. Twilight had become an aggressive scientist, in the same what she had when researching the Pinkie sense, using the first available resource as though it were nothing but a well that she needed to drink dry.
Twilight was doing whatever she could to keep calm, and her continual questions were a part of that. She was also trying to drown out the sound of the heartbeats from the various nocturnal creatures that had come to investigate the three strange creatures that were intruding on their territory. She was a bit terrified however, when she realised that she could not hear a heartbeat coming from Princess Luna, despite being only a few feet away. Luna had just finished describing the fact that that while small exposure to sunlight would only weaken her; a full day out in the sun would be fatal.
“Luna, can I go talk to Celestia?” she asked sadly, already knowing the answer.
“I’m afraid not Twilight, thou must remember that my sister has dominion over the sun itself, and its glorious light radiates from her. To be in her presence would be unbearably painful for you, and may even cause your demise,” she explained, her voice getting steadily shakier as she watched Twilight struggling to keep her tears at bay.
“So… So if I can’t find a way to change back,” she started, hoping that Luna wouldn’t tell her the truth.
“Then you may never see Celestia again,” Luna said, looking at the ground as if she was ashamed with her response. Twilight just hung her head low, taking deep breaths to stop herself from breaking down and crying. Her fangs dropped once again and she shrugged Spike off her back, who awoke startled.
“Wha...? Twilight? What’s wrong?” he asked sleepily.
“I am wrong.” she said through her teeth.
“No Twilight.”
“Yes Spike! I fed on ponies; I might have killed Colgate and as for Redheart… I didn’t want to stop with Redheart,” Twilight told them, and both Luna and Spike’s jaws dropped. The moon princess’s eyes darted around in their sockets, looking for anything to dispel the silence. Spike, however, stuck his arms to his sides and marched straight up to Twilight, grabbing her face and pulling it down level with his own.
“Twilight! You are not a monster, you’re just sick. We just have to find the cure, and we WILL find it,” he told her, his reptilian eyes feeling as though they were piercing all of Twilight’s doubts and fear. Luna nodded her agreement and lit up her horn with magic, producing a map in a flash of white light. Handing it to Spike, Luna flared her wings and started to smile.
“He is right Twilight, you will be okay. I swear it. Take this map, use it to find Chrysalis, she may know how to reverse your change.”
“Thank you, but Luna, can you do me a favour and not tell Celestia about this? At least not until I’m sure that I can change back or not,” she asked, and Luna simply responded by nodding once. She turned to leave, bending her legs for take-off, before changing her mind and turning to face them both.
“Oh, and one more thing Twilight; If you can, try to resist your urge to feed on blood. Every time you do, not only are you at risk of killing them, but you will also take on the strengths of the species of pony you feed on,” she explained.
“What do you mean?” Twilight enquired, remembering her two previous feeds.
“If you were to feed on a unicorn, you will absorb their magic, increasing your own ability. Earth ponies will make you physically stronger, to the point that the very ground will shake with your hoofsteps.”
“And what about pegasi?”
“DO NOT TOUCH THE PEGASI!!” Luna boomed, using the traditional Canterlot voice. Her eyes flashed yellow and cat-like for a moment and Twilight could have sworn she saw lightning in the sky behind her. Twilight’s mane was blown back and Spike was knocked off his feet by the force of her voice. Luna put her hoof to her mouth and blushed at the surprised looks on the faces of her two friends. “I am sorry about that, but please understand, if you feed on a Pegasus, then there will be no turning back. Discord wanted to make sure that the recipients of his reward would never betray him, so when he designed the first of your kind, he added the fact that the combination of all three blood types would create undying loyalty for him, because he knew that eventually, the urge to find new tastes would compel them to feed on any that crossed their path.”
Twilight and Spike gave each other a fearful look that was also a silent promise to each other. Twilight to not feed on a Pegasus and Spike to help Twilight through her urges.
“Thank you Princess, I will keep that in mind.”
“Good luck Twilight Sparkle. Please, come back intact,” said Luna, her voice full of concern and the barest hint of fear. Luna then bent her knees and stretched her wings, before rocketing into the sky with a gust of wind.
“Well, let’s get started,” said Spike, opening the map while Twilight watched Luna fly back toward Canterlot. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, calming down enough that her fangs retreated back into the pink mass of her gums.
‘Spike’s right, I WILL find a cure.”
***
After a brief but thorough study of the map and with the ever brightening light of dawn swiftly approaching, they set out toward the supposed location of the changeling hive; the Equestrian badlands.
The vast empty plains had been the site of the first griffin war six hundred years ago and bordered both the Griffin Empire and Equestria, with an expansive mountain range in between. Endless tunnels and catacombs wormed their way through the ageless mountains, and every pony that had ever set out to explore them had vanished. As a result of this and from sightings of changelings during the siege of the royal wedding, it was suspected that it was the three largest mountains that hid the changelings.
Spike briefly thought about signalling the other elements of harmony, but Twilight disagreed, too scared of attacking her friends, even if Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash weren’t pegasi.
With the trip to the badlands being a solid four days of walking, they headed straight for the nearest town, looking to find a hotel or something similar for Twilight to stay in during the day. As well as a pony for her to sate her hunger for the trip ahead, as horrible as that thought was to both of them. They walked into the coastal town of Maneflow Springs as the sun began to rise, with Twilight almost immediately starting to feel weaker. Her walking pace slowed down and she had to close her eyes against the onslaught of light. Spike apparently noticed this, because he took a hold of a few parts of Twilight’s mane and started to lead her through the town in search of somewhere to stay.
Twilight could hear the heartbeats of a few ponies around her, which she reasoned had to have been bakers and dockworkers at that time of morning.
She was led up a set of wooden steps and through a door into what Twilight hoped was a hotel, bumping into what felt like a desk.
“Hi there, I’m looking to get a room for me and my friend here,” said Spike, the barest hint of anxiety in his voice as Twilight’s heart rate started to increase and her mane became damp with sweat.
“And what are you supposed to be, a seeing eye dragon?” asked the pony sarcastically, Twilight, who was beginning to get frustrated due to the pain from the light mixed with the bad attitude of the clerk, stamped her hoof on the desk, making the stallion jump.
“Why yes, as a matter of fact, now if you would be so kind as to give me my key,” she snapped, feeling her teeth starting to descend. The clerk snorted in an arrogant manner and threw the keys at Spike, who stuck out his tongue and he turned Twilight away from the desk.
As soon as they got up to the room, Spike locked the door and attempted to black the sunlight that was streaming through the window, using spare sheets and towels and whatever else was available to fill in the gaps made by the curtains. Twilight just made her way over to the bed and slumped down; exhausted from the drain the sun had caused her. Spike tapped her on the side, indicating that she could open her eyes. Once she did, she felt a strange sense of calm in the darkness. Spike sat down next to her and started stroking her mane in the same way he did whenever Twilight was having nightmares. She crawled under the covers and got ready to sleep, but as she began to drift off Spike whispered in her ear.
“Sleep now Twilight and I will sort everything out when you wake up.”
***
The muffled thudding sound that filled her ears was like twin explosions in the distance. It was a sound that used to give her comfort, that let her know that everything was alright, and was often a sound that she fell asleep to when curled up with her brother or her foalsitter. But now, however, that sound was associated with pain and violence, and the unending urge to feed. It was the sound of an organ convulsing as super thin membranes opened and shut in order to force hot red liquid life throughout a meaty shell.
Twilight’s eyes snapped open and her fangs dropped to their full length with a click. Sitting up straight, Twilight saw the last thing that she ever expected to see; Spike, his hands covered in a mix of dried blood and hair. On the floor in front of him was a light green Earth pony whose face was covered in her own blood and a large chunk of her mane was missing. Twilight crawled out of bed and made her way over, her mouth opened in perpetual shock.
“SPIKE! What in the hay is this?” she yelled, her teeth giving her a lisp. Spike jumped, as though he had no idea she was there.
“I found you something to eat,” he said proudly. Twilight swallowed the lump in her throat as she thought of biting into the ponies’ neck.
“But you attacked this pony.”
“Well, true. But what would you have had me do, just let you go out and hunt? Risk you getting a Pegasus?” he snapped and Twilight retracted, scowling because she knew he was right.
“But still… when did you do this?”
“About an hour ago. As soon as the sun set, I managed to find a pub where lots of sailors hang out. This mare left with a stallion, but he turned out to be a creep and she left him. And just who was waiting with a shoulder to cry on?”
“So you hit her over the head and dragged her here to be drained?” she asked, and Spike just nodded in agreement. Twilight looked at the blood on his hands and the smile on his face and couldn’t help but feel guilty that he had to do something so terrible for her sake. Despite this, she walked over to the pony and looked down at her. It was at that moment that the mare regained consciousness; her deep blue eyes were wide and terrified as they darted around, before focussing on Twilight.
“I’m sorry,” she said, diving onto the mare’s neck and breaking through the flesh of her neck to get at the warm liquid that was being held within.
‘I’m sorry.’
With said development, I can't help but feel that she's going to come across some pegasus that had been in a horrific disfiguring accident, robbing them of their wings. Unknowingly, she'll drink from them, thus completing the process etc, etc.
Of course, I also feel that this will somehow end up with a happy ending.
I'm confused and tired.
Well, Spike is definitely one of the best assistants ever for that.
In the middle of the journey
-Spike what is the closest town i need to feed
-i think it is Las Pegasus
-okay what is the second closest town
-Cloudsdale
-
Loving the story
just a question why changelings always are pictured living on desertic places i think they look more from some tropical florest
2000185
Eh, more likely there will be one or more really close calls. Possibly on cliffhangers.
Will Twilight become part dragon if she takes a nibble of Spike? (Luna said Nothing about dragons )
please oh please do NOT kill Spike!
Or how abut changelings? they are supposedly part pony so they should be edible and may even give Twilight transformation powers ! Woots! Go Twilight Dracul!
woah, this just got loads more interesting; not only is there the problem of having to find a cure, but now there's also the second threat of feeding on a pegasus. although, we don't know exactly what will happen if she does, she's also an element of harmony, that might have some kind of impact.
im really beginning to wonder how she contracted this "reward" though...
the two things i did find a little strange:
the Deus ex Machina you pulled with luna; luna suddenly appearing before twilight without a reason, explaining her condition and giving her a goal only to disappear again, thus removing herself from the plotline, that little convenience was a little too transparent. i don't really mind though, i just wanted to point it out.)
spike's guilty conscience, or more like the lack of one; spike has thus far knocked out two ponies for twilight, feeding her one of them, without showing some kind of guilty conscience. (i know he's a reptile, but he's not that kind of cold-blooded)
“He is right Twilight, you will be okay. I swear it. Take this map, use it to find Chrysalis, she may know how to reverse your change.”
“Good luck Twilight Sparkle. Please, come back intact,” said Luna, her voice full of concern and the barest hint of fear. Luna then bent her knees and stretched her wings, before rocketing into the sky with a gust of wind.
Oh come on, this again, do in every fanfic Pricnesses always leave mane 6 or Twilight to deal with situation without any help, come on:
1) Luna is not busy, she sleep during the day and is not very social pony, so her responsibilities are very low if not non existent, she have plenty of time to assist Twilight.
2) Twilight is Luna friend, and when did friends leave friends in need or send them into dangers alone ?
3) Luna just send Twilight to Chrysalis, Queen of changelings, and she expect her to come back alive, not to mention Vampony hunter is on Twilight back.
So yea, why is not Luna helping Twilight in so hard time, why she not accompany her on this dangerous adventure, why she not spend time with Twilight in time of need when Twilight need both protection and support and Luna is only one reliable to give it.
If Luna is afraid that Chrysalis may try to capture her, why she even hope that Chrysalis wont capture or kill Twilight or imprison her for food source, what is wrong with Luna not coming with Twilight to help her deal with this crisis ( not to mention that Twilight is element of magic, Luna should help Twilight so that elements wont be lost ).
" As a result of this and from sightings of changelings during the siege of the royal wedding, it was suspected that it was the three largest mountains that hid the changelings. "
Great, just great, Twilight Sparkle is going to ask for help to the one who she ruined plans, do she will die from changeling drones tearing her apart, or will chrysalis torture her ? COME ON, it make no sense, Chrysalis and Changelings hate Twilight and Twilight have very bad memories from Wedding episode, and she can be killed easy by numbers or by Chrysalis alone.
Would you consider changing your story a little so that Luna will accompany Twilight in this journey ?
Because I see no reason why to not get Luna far more involved in this story, it will be far better then making Twilight do everything solo, especially dealing with changeling's what will kill her on the spot.
2005618
Or Twilight will kill the changelings on the spot if things go bad, depending upon how many (and how powerful) of ponies she has fed on by the time she gets there.
2007712
Yea right, like she will just go on killing spree to gain power to fight entire army and Queen alone, come on.
If it would be that simple, those who follow Discord and drink blood from ponies would become army of super powerful Alicorn things, imagine 10 Discord priests what can destroy Equestria without any efforts, it make no sense.
And do I need to mention that Twilight is not a killer, she would try to knock out or even hurt changeling's but not kill them, they will overpower her quickly.
And Chrysalis with some love boosts was able to beat Celestia, her army was able to take over Canterlot, you can not just make Twilight go there on her own like a stupid brainless pony, Twilight is smart, she think of consequences, she have fear of changeling;s and Chrysalis, she know that they hate and will kill her, Twilight in here act so much out of character.
Luna is even more out of character, she just let Twilight go alone, this fanfic will get so much better and more logical if Luna would just accompany Twilight, it would be good power rebalance ( Twilight and Luna and Spike adventure in changeling's territory ), it will sounds far less then suicide mission.
I personally really hate the idea on Twilight going on blood drinking spree, then beating up army of changelings, then forcing chrysalis to give her cure in battle, if she would do it so easy, then why Discord army would not, making Twilight and Luna as team would totally follow they characters and would be good power balance, and whats more, it would show that Luna is more then just plot device.
Also some more emotions between Twilight/Luna and changelings, why they act like what happened on the Wedding does not matter ?
Why they are acting blind and stupid like they not see that Twilight going there will not only help her find cure, but will 100% kill her, and idea to not make Twilight die with making her Mary Sue is not a good idea.
2008195
Said Discord priests were mortal. Without more being made they eventually died off. Or they are now the other statues in the royal garden? (and not being Discord they have been trapped too long to be brought back)
And by the time they are really strong, they have likely 'completed' the process and are slaves to Discord and only use their power to further his 'fun'.
2008402
I still not buy it, it still sounds like a far to easy way to make armies of super villains, it is as manufacturing Alicorns.
I would far more prefer for Luna and Twilight going on this dangerous adventure together then to watch how Twilight become out of character unreasonable Marry Sue.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
in the same what she had when researching the Pinkie sense,
-Same way. Also, I find it interesting that Princess Luna isn't suggesting that Twilight feed off hospital bloodbags for the rest of her life. Does that not work?
Spike soon fell asleep as Luna tried her best to keep up with Twilight’s tirade of questions
-Tirades are usually angry and monologues. I suggest finding a different word.
“Then you may never see Celestia again,”
-Ok, long-distance only relationship with Celestia? I guess that is high enough stakes (joke not intended) for her to risk Chrysalis's kingdom. I would suggest Luna giving her a battalion of guards, with her brother at their head, but that might just make things worse, diplomatically, if not tactically. Maybe Luna could go herself, but in your fanon she may not be the Metal War-Goddess of the Night.
-No heartbeat? Is Luna a vampire herself? Either type?
“Oh, and one more thing Twilight; If you can, try to resist your urge to feed on blood. Every time you do, not only are you at risk of killing them, but you will also take on the strengths of the species of pony you feed on,”
-I am still not seeing the downside to bloodbags here... in fact this just makes them more desirable. Rarity probably donates... not that that necessarily helps since Twilight is already so strong at magic that it might not make a difference. Then again it might give her better precision when TKing multiple objects, or good illusions. Maybe if it is addictive. Shoot a bag of Luna could probably allow her to curbstomp the answer out of Chrysalis if it comes to that. (Except I accidentally noticed that Pegasi are especially off limits... I wonder if that is how Luna became an alicorn in the first place? By drinking a pegasus, not Celestia.)
so when he designed the first of your kind, he added the fact that the combination of all three blood types would create undying loyalty for him,
-I see... of course, the Element of Loyalty (the thing that lives inside Dash, not the necklace with the red lightning-bolt on it) might cancel that out, so I could see her figuring that out and drinking from Dash in an emergency to go "super mode". Just a random guess. Also, the thing about "No Pegasi" explains why she isn't getting an escort, since that would probably involve pegasi, if only to transport the unicorns and earth ponies. She should have thought to have Luna set things straight in Ponyville... then maybe she could have had AJ come with her, or at least gotten some bags to stave off temptation on the journey. A few words about feeding only increasing hunger in the long-run would go a long way. I wonder if she will get shape-shifting powers if she feeds on a Changeling? I wouldn't think their carapaces would be fang-proof.
Spike briefly thought about signalling the other elements of harmony, but Twilight disagreed, too scared of attacking her friends, even if Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash weren’t pegasi.
-Project some sort of pre-agreed, but not widely known signal into the sky? Certainly leaving Fluttershy and RD out of it would seem wise, although if RD remains at altitude and brings a cloud to sleep on that might have been enough of a safety margin. It wouldn't stop her from casting the glimmer wings spell or destroying the cloud (although that might wake him up) and going for her in while RD was asleep, but it would slow her down enough to give her a second or two to catch herself. Still too much of a risk to keep her from going agent of Discord though. Interesting that the EoH blast as a curative isn't mentioned. Then again they might reject her for the essence of Discord inside her. Probably not though, since they are probably "smarter" than that, but you never know.
Too bad she didn't talk to Rarity though, or she would know the "I win" spell against her "demon". Then again, that would make the story too easy. Of course, Rarity doesn't know about the "Feed from all three and lose" thing, but IIRC she isn't feeding at all. Or maybe she is?Never mind. That is from a different story.With the trip to the badlands being a solid four days of walking, they headed straight for the nearest town, looking to find a hotel or something similar for Twilight to stay in during the day.
-Seems dangerous. I would think she could TK together a good enough shelter, especially under a tree to survive. Might not be without pain though if her construction skills aren't perfect.
As well as a pony for her to sate her hunger for the trip ahead, as horrible as that thought was to both of them.
-Again, she should be robbing a hospital (or just asking nicely under her authority as an Element of Harmony, and Student of Princess Celestia... not that she fully realizes she HAS such authority usually), rather than committing assault. Shoot, Luna should have offered to write her a requisition. Luna could have gotten the paper, quill, and ink from the library easily enough.
The clerk snorted in an arrogant manner and threw the keys at Spike,
-Flankhole victim sighted... not sure if she will pick him though.
sleep, but as she began to drift off Spike whispered in her ear.
“Sleep now Twilight and I will sort everything out when you wake up.”
-You are missing carriage returns at several places, but this is the first one I can point out.
“I’m sorry,” she said, diving onto the mare’s neck and breaking through the flesh of her neck to get at the warm liquid that was being held within.
-Trying to decide if a more through explanation would have made things better or worse. Then again, Twilight might not have had the time. Also, Earth Pony was a good choice at this point, to give stamina for travelling.
2000185
Who knows, that is a definite possibility.
2000228
Oh, absolutely.
2002882
No, remember in chapter 4? Her teeth can't penetrate her scales.
2005335
Thanks. I understand your apprehension with Luna though, but I felt that she needed to get answers, and I thought that if she found them from a trusted source, and one that is very knowlegable.
2000302
That would be very funny.
2012095
Thank you for such a thought out comment.
1) Well the problem with blood bags is obtaining them. Hospitals keep those under tight lock and key, so it would be hard for her to get them. She can't ask for help, lest Celestia find out and become curious as to why she is collecting blood bags and investigate.
2) No, tirade was the word I wanted. She is basically assaulting Luna with questions.
3)Well Twilight doesn't want Celestia involved, partly because she is ashamed, and partly because her presence could potentially kill Twilight. Another person actually suggested Luna accompanying Twi, but you must remember that she can only travel at night. Luna has sooo many duties to perform that if she were to suddenly disappear, it might be suspicious. Not to mention that, you know, 'Immortal alicorn goddess'= Little bit OP
4) Spoilers.
5) Once again, obtaining them discretely is an issue.
6)Twi doesn't want any of her friends to come in case she loses control and hurts them. In her current state she is considewrable stronger than all of them.
7)Once again, she doesn't want to hurt her friends by involving them.
8) True, it may require some extreme measures.
9) Randomly asking for blood bags when nopony is injured could raise suspicion, both with the townspeople and Celestia.
10) who knows.
11) What do you mean by carriage return?
12) Very good analysis.
2021437
i don't mind, even if you could have done a better job at covering up that deux ex in particular; at the very least you could have given her a reason for being there ("i was just on my way back from the old castle in the everfree when i saw you walking this way from a distance")
2021761
I was going to put that in, now that you mention it, but I just forgot. She was out there because I've always considered patroling Equestria on the look out for super monsters and stuff like that were part of her position. So she was just out on patrol. I apologise. I should have clarified that.
in the same what she had when researching the Pinkie sense,
-Same way. Also, I find it interesting that Princess Luna isn't suggesting that Twilight feed off hospital bloodbags for the rest of her life. Does that not work?
1) Well the problem with blood bags is obtaining them. Hospitals keep those under tight lock and key, so it would be hard for her to get them. She can't ask for help, lest Celestia find out and become curious as to why she is collecting blood bags and investigate.
--*Nods* I think I only said this because (I think) it was before you mentioned her not wanting to bother Celestia.
“Then you may never see Celestia again,”
-Ok, long-distance only relationship with Celestia? I guess that is high enough stakes (joke not intended) for her to risk Chrysalis's kingdom. I would suggest Luna giving her a battalion of guards, with her brother at their head, but that might just make things worse, diplomatically, if not tactically. Maybe Luna could go herself, but in your fanon she may not be the Metal War-Goddess of the Night.
3) *SNIP* Luna has sooo many duties to perform that if she were to suddenly disappear, it might be suspicious. Not to mention that, you know, 'Immortal alicorn goddess'= Little bit OP
--Yeah, her absence would be noticed. But on re-reading I notice that Twilight initially wanted to go talk to Celestia. Which would actually be possible to a certain degree. Not very comforting, but they could talk through a speaking-tube with a stone wall in between them maybe... I guess that that might be too close if the "aura of the sun" can go through stone, and talking from further away would mean she might as well write via Spike for all the emotional closeness it would give. Plus the fact that if they aren't in the same room then Celestia couldn't stop Twilight if she went for one of the maids.
--As for Luna being overpowered, they ARE going up against another Alicorn, who while definitely weaker than Celestia when not hopped up on (as Sun Tzu on rpg.net put it approximately) "A once in a lifetime OTP" might still be on a par with Non-Nightmare Luna. Call Super-Vampire!Twilight a match for the legions of Changelings and you COULD make it work. Fanons will vary though of course so I have no problem here.
Her fangs dropped once again and she shrugged Spike off her back, who awoke startled.
“Wha...? Twilight? What’s wrong?” he asked sleepily.
“I am wrong.” she said through her teeth.
“No Twilight.”
--Later on you asked what a carriage return was... it is what your "Enter" key does in a multi-line text-editing situation. In this story you sometimes hit it once at the end of a paragraph, but normally twice. You should probably be consistent. This may be an artifact of copy-pasting out of some text editor that isn't completely compatible with the site's text editor.
4) Spoilers.
--When I review, most of my questions are meant to show what questions I am asking in my own head as I read. So this answer is fairly expected.
--The rest of your questions I don't have much to say about (except the thing about carriage returns).
Regarding my thinking that Rarity was a vampire in this story:
It appears I got this mixed up with another vampire story. "Sanguine Joy" I think.
I am enjoying the twist that this is the result of Discord's antics
That being said, I agree with CommanderX regarding Luna seeing fit to send Twilight in alone to meet with Chrysalis, and I am boggled by the apparent mindeset of both of them that Crysalis would be willing to help
Spike remorselessly attacking a pony, a pony who has already suffered, no less, and despite her initial shock Twilight apparently not being disturbed by the realization of what Spike is capable of. I know why he had to do it, and I know why she had to go along with it, but that scene just didn't sit right with me
2012095 Hmm, I can't help but think that if even if the Elements worked and cured Twilight, wouldn't the fact that they used the Elements against one of the members break their hold over the Elements? Plus without all the Bearers, wouldn't the overall effect be reduced and probably end up not working to the desired effect? I believe that's the standing theory regarding Celestia using the elements on Luna / Nightmare Moon
2086599
The difference is that Twilight would be a fully willing participant. Thus you would seem to have all six present and accounted for*, and metaphysically it could be the difference between shooting a rampaging lunatic (pun not intended) with a tranquilizer dart, and having someone hold out their arm so you can get the syringe full of penicillin into them.
*EDIT: Including being wielded by their usual bearers.
2086713 Hmm, a persuasive arguement, indeed
2056011
I've heard of that one, but I haven't read it.
2086599
I'm glad you are enjoying it.
But the thing I was trying to tell commanderX5 was that Luna has her own things to do, like patrol the night, keep the dream realm safe and other stuff. And the other thing is that I wanted this story to be about Twi and Spike coming to grips with having to do terribe and morally questionable things in order to not only survive, but also to find a cure. Hence the whole, 'Spike attacking a pony thing'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel Luna was a bit... suspicious. Her sudden panic at the mention of drinking from a pegasus? Yeah, maybe discord had that 'directive' she mentioned put into the magic. However, given that it involves absorbing the innate power of any pony one drinks from, and alicorns are typically characterized as beings holding the elements of all three races... You may not have intended that, but I have a feeling that, if Luna's story is true, the rabbit hole is looking pretty damn deep right now.
Or maybe I'm being paranoid about all this, and Luna's being perfectly honest. I've been reading too many darkfics with shit like that in them lately...
2155863
Very good analysis, and my response is: Spoilers.
2169720
All we know now is that she's hungry. But I like the way you think.
Hey, why can't she just feed on solely Earth ponies and pegasi? It's not like she needs any more magic power.
2188401
If she feeds on the blod of all three ponies, it will compell her to serve only Discord, meaning that she would do whatever he wanted. And she has already fed on a unicorn and two Earth ponies.
This story has been reviewed by the The Equestrian Critics Society.
Story Title: Equine Vampiris
Author: The-rogue-shadow
Reviewed by: Quillbit Marelor
For the past decade or so, the number of stories under the paranormal genre has skyrocketed; some decent, some, well, unquestionably horrendous. Everyone knows the story of the reluctant newly-turned vampire that longs to be human, or in this case, pony again. The-rogue-shadow’s story, Equine Vampiris, is a story that breaches some familiar territory, but isn’t afraid to try something a little new.
Full Review
Score: 8.1/10
2105466
Yea right, Twilight and her friends can risk they lives to save Equestria many times when princesses sit on they flanks and no one care to help them, but when Twilight, one of element bearers, extremely important pony and national hero live is in grave danger with make elements useless and Celestia student/Luna friend to be in front of biggest challenge she ever faced, in time when she need help the most, Luna just send her to die and she do not even care.
This is a total baloney, you screwed up Luna character and made this story totally unbalanced, Luna work was not that important since Equestria did fine without her for 1000 years, and now you try to point out that checking dreams is more important then helping friend and saving element of harmony, making Luna stupid enough to just send Twilight and Spike to face the biggest enemies of Equestria alone, not to mention it was after Twilight helped save Equestria from changeling invasion when Luna was not even there to help.
Even show do not try to get rid of princesses is so stupid way, at last they try to do it without destroying princesses characters just to make unbelievable and unbalanced story.
Spike seemed far too eager and joyful for having attacked a pony. It wasn't even a criminal or morally corrupt pony. If anything it would have been better to just have Spike go along with Twilight if she needed to go out to feed on somepony.
2000228 I accidentally read that as "Assassins."
Which, to be honest, I found fitting as well.
2566858
Spike is like, a gangster, now. It's awesome.
I wish he had gotten the stallion creep instead, but still.