Equestria had seen it all: Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, Tirek—or so they thought. These foes had been little more than obstacles to the Elements and the princesses. These villains lacked true evil. They did not kill, they did not torture, they did not lack emotion.
But now, a new threat appears in Equestria, one that is evil itself. He is human, but he is more monster than man. Known only as The Dictator, he knows war. On his homeworld, he conquered everything within his reach. Countless kingdoms fell before him, the amount of blood on his hands immeasurable, as he took control. From the rubble of his conquests, he built an empire unlike any ever before. His influence stretched over his entire planet, and he amassed his armies.
When his soldiers told him there was a way to reach another world, he jumped at the chance. He gathered a group of his finest warriors and brought them with him through the portal to the new planet.
Like a plague, they spread across Equestria, Infecting everything they touched like a blight as they enslaved their enemies and turned their towns into strongholds. The ponies fought hard to survive, but his forces seemed unending.
They now stand at the entrance to Canterlot, the last bastion of ponykind…
Which season are we in? Either way, the ponies and any other non-pony creatures is totally F*********!!!!!
11213812
There isn’t necessarily a certain season. It could be any season of your choice since the only characters that actually appear are Celestia and Luna.
Glad to see you’re still following my work, it means a lot!
hmm i feel a mix betwen lord off the rings and arthas wibes from this and it is intresting and well made and he know the importants off the royal sissters to not wanting to kill them
11213816
with the villains you menstioned i would say its about round season 7-8
11214053
I forgot about that lol. I wrote the description a while ago but only recently wrote the story
11214291
lol XD well i guess priorities XD
Eh
11215455
Would you mind elaborating? I would appreciate constructive criticism
Like them "being connected to the literal Sun and Moon" excuse?
11215578
The way I was thinking was more so that he could use Luna’s tarnished form and Celestia’s sadness to instill fear into Equestria, and therefore his new subjects. They would see how wicked he is and what he could do to the princesses, making them obey him without question
11215592
Oh, psychological tactic. Nice~
SSSOOO, he is not gonna execute/kill those two in the end? Being mere, weak slaves to him?
And what about the Mane Six, their friends, family, etc..? Did he permanently get rid of the Tree and Elements of Harmony?
I've recorded reading it, just need to do the editing now. Is that character Arthas from Warcraft. If so it might be appropriate to find some music related to Warcraft for this. If not then I will go with something from my usual sources. Let me know, I will probably edit it and finish it tomorrow.
11230212
It’s not Arthas, but I do like the Warcraft series and was inspired by Warcraft for the character, so that type of music might fit the mood. Or you could try some Diablo music since the chapter title is a quote from Diablo with one word change.
Whatever you feel is best!
Who is this guy? How can he do this? Why should I care?
It's honestly impressive that you hit darkness-induced audience apathy in a few hundred words. Gore without context isn't grim. It's boring. Sorry, but this just didn't do anything for me.
11264915
I was trying to go for more of a mysterious character that left some of his origins and some of his motives up for the reader to imagine and think about, but I’m sorry you did not enjoy. I appreciate the criticism tho.
oof, that is horrifying, what happened to Luna! how do i reach into a fictional story to destroy a fictional character? like just make them not exist in the meta sense as well
it does seem like you have an idea for who this character is, but without any details or characterization, well, he's not really a character? there's no sense of what his goals and wants are, and no struggle for him to overcome. there is a difference between having a fully developed character in your mind and only letting the tip of the iceberg show in your story, and just not bothering to come up with details and chalking it up to the character being "mysterious". in the former case, enough of the character's specific nature leaks out at the edges that the reader feels like there is something substantial to speculate about. in the latter, there is nothing.
in any case, thanks for entering!
11298048
Thanks for reading the story and leaving a comment! I was trying to test out something different with this story. Usually I don’t write very short stories, plus this is my first 1000 word story, and I wanted to try to create a villain who was so unknown and mysterious that he was terrifying. However, like you said, I think giving him a little more detail as to his goals and motives would have made it better while still leaving him as a mystery.
Overall, did you enjoy the story, or did it miss the mark?
Well now, I liked this a lot despite only being 1000 words.
An interesting villain for sure, and the lack of motives (besides conquest) is what makes him truly unique.
11476133
Thank you for the feedback! Congrats on getting to the featured page btw