could be interesting; just remember to pay attention to spelling and complete sentences so the reader doesn't get distracted.
thats all i have to say really. good luck.

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Thanks Man, I’ll do my best.

My name is Raven Maxwell, and I couldn't be happier! I'm 28 years old, married to the most beautiful woman in the world, makeover 100k a year, have two beautiful children, and one more on the way. Working as a businessman couldn't get any better; make a couple of calls here and there, and the money comes flowing in.

You know, it's weird, a lot of authors I know of would try their damnedest to spread all the information in this singular paragraph across half the chapter.
I applaud you Gman, for being reasonable.

Honestly, it was silly to think about joining a band of mercenaries. All that hassle for what? Blood money, glory, the thrill? No, thank you! I'm so glad I refused Owen's offer, that lying, cheating, backstabbing, son of a bitch...Owen? OWEN!!! WHERE IS THAT BASTARD?! WHEN I FIND HIM, I'LL RIP HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF! HE BETRAYED ME! WE WERE BROTHERS IN ARMS!

Oooookay, now you lost me.
But, y'know, in the entertaining 'I wanna figure out what this is about' way.

Seris cupped my cheeks with her hands and forcefully turned my head back to face her's. "Raven, listen, we don't have much time left. Everything up till now has been nothing but a fantasy. The kids, our house, your job, even the world around us have been fabricated...Even me" Tears started to roll down her cheeks after saying that. Her expression held no lie to it, only sorrow.

I was thinking of making a Matrix reference, but that would have been too easy.

My head wiped around to find the source of that chuckling, my jaw dropped. A man stood there in the far corner; spike white hair was styled upwards. He wore a gray mask that hid his face, with two eye sockets. One empty, and the other with one cruel yellow eye, it felt like he was staring right through me. He wore a black robe with red and white highlights, and it covered his whole body. On the collar of that same robe were six locks, along with four chains. "You better believe it, boy, because reality is about to come crashing down on." This man's voice carried no malicious intent, only amusement for Raven's situation. "Hurry it up, though; we're running out of time, ironic, even for me!" The man chuckled once again. It sounded like he was gargling rocks. "By the way, the name's Glave."

Did it just... switch perspectives?

He couldn't hold back the tears. Not once, but twice, he was losing his love of his.

His what?
THE LOVE OF HIS WHAT, GODDAMMIT?!
c.tenor.com/PXv-xIsWMIMAAAAC/wojak-wojak-crying.gif

The newly freed man just sat there and blinked once. He could only react in one way. "What the fuck?"

Ah, a pure, realistic reaction.

In all honesty, this story is okay. Could do with some minor editing, but other than that, it's pretty decent.
7/10
Will continue later

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Thank you for my story, even if it's just the prologue. but I need to come back and fix some of this. But I hope you enjoy the rest of it.

AWAKEN MY MASTER!

I'm sorry but I have to be the one to do this.
IS THAT JOJO REFERENCE!
This got me hooked in an instant.

idk
I liked the old one better, but the picture is definitely a nice touch for what they look like.

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Welp

Seris's worried face turned to a frown; she looked unassumed. She pulled her hand away, brought it higher, and flicked Raven's forward. This caused the man to rub his forehead, but he was glad because he could feel pain. "Of course it's me, silly." She gave him a cheeky smile.

unamused and forehead

"Oh hush, I will always love you and stand by you." She pulled back and looked Raven in the eyes. " Do you remember our promise?"

Raven nodded; he could never forget such a thing. " Swords don't just exist to hurt others. Some Swords exist to prevent causalities. And that Sword can also exist to protect someone else." Raven held out his pinky finger. " I wish to wield such a sword."

Before he could say anything else, Seris grabbed his head and turned it towards her. " Raven, I know you're not on the best of terms with him, but he's the reason I'm here with you right now." Raven held his tongue for Seris. " Much time has passed since you been into this dream. The world you're about to return to is far different from the one you left. Some need you right now. You don't have to be a hero, just a pillar, a sign to those that things will get better. And Raven." She brought the former Mercenary in for a single kiss. The kiss lasted for a few seconds before Seris pulled back. "No matter what happens, I will always love you. Be good to yourself, Raven."

a sign to those that wish for things to be better and that is will get better or something, wasn’t sure how to fix this one.

Glave gagged as he watched the display. "Oh, brother. Alright, love birds, time to wrap things up. I got places to be and stuff to fix." He sounded a little impatient with the whole ordeal. "By the way, Raven, if you ever come across any time traveling spells or whatnot. Destroy them. Those equestrians have haven been making a mess of things or, being exact, a particular purple unicorn. I'll reward you if you do."

"It's working, Everypony! Our Dark Lord is awakening." Moon Charm cheered out in excitement, while the others behind her weren't too sure about this. "AWAKEN MY MASTER, AND BRING ONTO US A NEW AGE OF CHAOS!"

“It’s working everypony!”

The creature opened his eyes as he started to scream in his imprisonment. His screams were filled with anger and anguish. The tubes on his back broke away as he thrashed harder and bashed the glass with his metal claw. This caused the cracks to grow larger and more of the liquid to spill out. He kept going until the whole gave away.

The whole what?

The cyborg started to cough and wheeze as fresh recycled air filled his lungs. He pulled off any wire or tube that was still attached to him. The first thing he felt was the pins and needles wash over his whole body, and it was getting worst. The first thing he smelt was stale air, most likely recycled. The first thing he heard was excited giggling and startled murmurs. For someone reason, as he tried looking at these figures, his mind kept telling him to look away. But after a while, he could focus on these figures.

some

I think this was indeed a better version, even though I don’t remember exactly how it looked before. Good job!

11236367
as always thank you for the help and I'm glad you liked it more.

But why shouldn't he be happy about his situation? Raven married the love of his life and became a businessman man as he had always wanted to, and Seris gave him two wonderful Children. It was the life the former mercenary had dreamed of, but it was nothing but a nightmare.

'Man' is not needed. 👍

Seris giggled at Raven's statement. "Of course, none of this is real; I mean, look up." The woman looked up to the sky, with Raven repeating the gesture. What he saw startled the man; the blue sky began to shatter and fall apart like cheap glass. "The sky is falling."

i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/111/347/3ca.jpg

As the world falls apart around Raven, he couldn't help but ask the obvious question. "How are you here? You..Died...In...My arm." Like a flood of pain, all of his memories came rushing in; his rise and fall as Captain of the Black crows, Owen's betrayal, Seris's death, becoming a plaything for the Nasods, joining Elsword, and being recaptured by the Nasods. Raven held his head in pain. "Oh sweet goddess, what have I done."

Ummmmmmm what's going on?
Must be from the fighting game.

The newly freed Human just sat there and blinked once. He could only react in one way. "What the fuck?"

Ahhh~, that'll never get old..

Anyway, yeah, you changed it.
7/10
Like I said before, I'll continue it later

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Thank you for the comment!